So. Here's the deal.. I have probably been successfully avoiding this website for some time now. I can claim I'm better. I can move on with my life and the relationships I have. But let me spell something out. This may be simply a temporary crazy fit I'm having, or this may be myself takin the time to stop bullshitting myself. I'm not well. There, I said it. I made it real again. I have been pondering this for a little bit, slowly reaching out for help... No one has taken the bait. I feel like I should be able to tell someone that I don't feel well and that they should give me the due effort of asking why? Well.. That's just not quite the case. Now, I'm not going to kill myself today. Not by any means. I have student loans and scholarships that are yet to be paid. I'm going to in the very least blow that money first. I am not happy. I am stressed. Anxiety swallows me while. I feel like shit. I look like shit. I do nothin all day every day. I feel my personality slip away from me day after day. I'm going to feel bad if I suicide on y roommate. She doesn't deserve that. But I'm selfish. I am selfish. Selfish selfish selfish. I want what I want. I want to feel good. I want to be healthy. I want to graduate college. Marry my best friend. Have him understand the struggles I face and be a little more than clueless about how to help me. But I'm impatient. I'm not the only impatient one either, he is impatient too. I need a break, a release, a safe place. An alternate reality. Out. SF used to be my safe place but now I only feel like a stranger somewhere I used to call comfort. This is me reaching out I suppose. This is me rambling on, lack of sleep, lack of support. Lack of understanding. Understand me?