I have PTSD each time I wake up. I keep thinking about my ex and how they were the love of my life and how close we were together. I truly thought that I had finally found someone who actually loved me and understood me. I made many sacrifices, some of which were hard to control. I haven't had as much control over my tulpas or head mates during this time because I experienced a lot. Domestic abuse from my parents, fleeing into another state with my ex, spiritual experiences and abuse throughout my relationship between certain alters or beings etc. Then towards the later half of my relationship, cracks kept forming. My ex always had issues with my boundaries, often going against them to protect me. I always tried fighting against this, but they kept justifying themselves, so they rationalized it. Things took a turn for the worst recently when their alter came back and starred abusing me sexually and manipulating me. They (my ex and their alter) ended up domestically abusing me.
The person who I put my life around betrayed me and threw me away and actively hurt me. And what response do I get from other places when I try to get support? Mockery for staying and victim blaming. I haven't been taken seriously on certain forums whenever I try to get legal help involved and they so far have effectively gotten away with abusing me.
I'd rather just find some way for me to end my life, or change my existence so it wasn't so painful. It's hard to keep living. Im weak. I have little to live for right now.
The person who I put my life around betrayed me and threw me away and actively hurt me. And what response do I get from other places when I try to get support? Mockery for staying and victim blaming. I haven't been taken seriously on certain forums whenever I try to get legal help involved and they so far have effectively gotten away with abusing me.
I'd rather just find some way for me to end my life, or change my existence so it wasn't so painful. It's hard to keep living. Im weak. I have little to live for right now.
