very time i go out i run home CRYINGGG

[3nufk1n.sheepies]

i remember when i was at a town not far from where i live. this was like a yesr ago.

i happened to eb wearing a dressing gown in public. two people i dont recognise at all lauvhed at me and called rhe cops on me.. because rhey view me as my anti self

I am in so much pain. I feel traumatised by so much harrassment. its unbearable.

i shouldnt have left the house in the first place. but i did. bec when the second pregab kicked in i got all hyper i felt an irresistsble urge to pace and dance and jerk at Spotify nostalgic gensral alt rock from my youth- Sam fender, killers, arcade fire, fall out boy, paramore, Catfish, etc. it got so bad that i really wanted to ride my bike, even tho the anterior wheel was floppy and it was inconvenient af keeping my phone and twisted earphones safe with a baggy trackzuit on.

i didnt feel safe. i really wanted to go further afield but it wasnt worth the risk. it felt so weird, i feel like even tho its 1am pppl could still be looking at me from windows laughing at how fucking embarrassigly stiff and robotic and oevr cautiois my movemsnrs are.

i had thoughrs lke
"fuck this stupid mfing jseless advice lile "dont compare social media those sexy glamorous beautiful rich people are in reality hideous skint nd struggling" NO ITS NOT LIKE THAT ITS MOEE I SE PEOPLE ON SOCIAL MEDIA THAT BEHAVE DRESS SPEAK WRITE ETC WAY MORE HOW I WISH I WERE LIKE THEY ALWAYS SOMEHOW GET A BETTER VIBE THE STANDARDS ARE ALWAYS EVOLVING ANS OUT OF REACH YKWM" or the "accept yourseld" NO I CANT or "youre a beutiful lady" WORST COMPLIEMNT EVER IT MAKES ME SUICIDAL THAT I NEVER PASS AS A TWINK
or i wsnt to do a snufkin retreat in some foresr, no internrt, bring heaps of some kind of dissociative - but theres a downside ヽ(´ー｀)ノ returning home means returning to this extrme fucking misery

i just knew my nervous system wa fried the miment i stepped outside. even if i cant see anyone at all i still dont feel ssfe at all.

i saw two police vehicles, massive flashing lights but no sound drive past.
that is weird. i never ever emcoumter that early hours of morning.
I could be wrong but I suspect a member kf my neighbourbood has delibertately called the cops on me jjst because they saw me even tho i wasnt doing snytbing. i think theyre doing it to mock me for being excesdively obediemt and law abiding which is VERY dyspjoric bevause i am a rebellious-identifying transtypal person. I find ot evry upsetting to be perceived as naive stupid oebdient outdated odd one out
it violatws my self image

 

[may71]

Hugs 3nuf

i saw two police vehicles, massive flashing lights but no sound drive past.
that is weird. i never ever emcoumter that early hours of morning.
I could be wrong but I suspect a member kf my neighbourbood has delibertately called the cops on me

If the cops had been called on you, they wouldn't have driven past, they would have knocked on your door. The cops were almost certainly doing something unrelated to you.

 

[3nufk1n.sheepies]

Hugs 3nuf


If the cops had been called on you, they wouldn't have driven past, they would have knocked on your door. The cops were almost certainly doing something unrelated to you.

i feel so irrational amd dramatic

i panic unreasonably at things that cant logicly happen

my reactions violate my own sense of identity

 

[may71]

i feel so irrational amd dramatic

It's pretty typical for people to be paranoid about one thing or another. Talking to other people about what you're afraid about can give you another perspective.