Lately I've been waking up each day crying because I cannot find a way to have any sort of personal life. I've convinced myself that the only way to truly be happy is to have my own family but I've waited way too long and I just don't see it happening. Plus this is is a big college town with 2 major colleges and not much else. My anxiety gets so bad that I flame out of every full-time job I've ever had but I work too many hours to even be considered for disability. I can barely make rent and I have zero savings so I can't even consider moving to another place. I'm stuck in purgatory and don't know how to leave. I've also thought an awful lot about cutting myself on my days off because I don't want to keep living a stagnant life like this that's going nowhere fast.
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Waking up crying
- Thread starter ThanosIsKing
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That sounds awful, I'm sorry.
That's not true though. There are plenty of people without a spouse or kids who are happy, and there are plenty with a spouse or kids who are unhappy.
40 is not too late to start a family. For women, having biological children might be tough at that age, but there don't seem to be so many biological obstacles to parenthood for men at 40. It would still take some time though to get marriage and related issues worked out.
Both men and women can become adoptive parents at any age. You can also get married at any age.
You've got some obstacles, but maybe there's a way.
That's not true though. There are plenty of people without a spouse or kids who are happy, and there are plenty with a spouse or kids who are unhappy.
40 is not too late to start a family. For women, having biological children might be tough at that age, but there don't seem to be so many biological obstacles to parenthood for men at 40. It would still take some time though to get marriage and related issues worked out.
Both men and women can become adoptive parents at any age. You can also get married at any age.
You've got some obstacles, but maybe there's a way.
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Thing is that every time I go to sleep I have dreams of a happy home life. Kids, wife everything and then when I wake up and I'm all alone it just hurts. I also can't get anywhere professionally because there is no upward movement at work and none of the other places that would offer more money are ghosting me. The only avenue I think I have left is disability and I'd have to go down to a max of 20 hours and I don't know if I can keep up with my bills on so few hours while my disability makes its way through all the red tape. I also don't know the first place to meet anyone. Work seemed like a good place but all the women are half my age and it feels a little creepy. Plus I waited too long to talk to the woman I was interested in and she left for another job I don't know where. All the other events are for college kids or for people with their own families. I have zero hope. Maybe if I play in traffic I can meet a cute nurse or something.
What about voc. rehab.? I think you said you could get help from them, but they were slow in giving you leads.
A 20 year old woman is old enough to make her own decisions about what partner she wants. There's nothing creepy about that.
Also if you want biological children you'll definitely want to find someone younger than you. You'd also have to consider the fact that it will probably take a few years of being in a relationship before you and she would be ready for marriage and kids.
A 20 year old woman is old enough to make her own decisions about what partner she wants. There's nothing creepy about that.
Also if you want biological children you'll definitely want to find someone younger than you. You'd also have to consider the fact that it will probably take a few years of being in a relationship before you and she would be ready for marriage and kids.
Vocational rehab is useless. The person there that I got set up with just browses Indeed and the company websites for jobs and then fills out the application for me. Everything else is on me to do and honestly I could do what she does if I wasn't so goddamn depressed all the time.
And I know you said earlier that someone who is 20 is old enough to decide for herself when to get in a relationship. I just wish I could get up the nerve to actually ask them out without that fear of being creepy or pushy. I also wish I could figure out somewhere I could go besides work to find someone because I don't know if it's a good idea mixing work and a relationship. Another thing that always gets into my head is that these women are always already with someone by the time I ask.
And I know you said earlier that someone who is 20 is old enough to decide for herself when to get in a relationship. I just wish I could get up the nerve to actually ask them out without that fear of being creepy or pushy. I also wish I could figure out somewhere I could go besides work to find someone because I don't know if it's a good idea mixing work and a relationship. Another thing that always gets into my head is that these women are always already with someone by the time I ask.
Not that I know of. Also getting to the office is a pain in the ass because the bus only goes to a nearby big box place and it's still like a 15 minute walk to their office. Honestly I don't know why I keep going back. They are worse than useless. I could do more on my own.
As for the girl I was interested in, turns out she's still working with us but she always has something going on when we both have days off, plus with the schedules coming out literally at the last minute it's real hard to plan something.
As for the girl I was interested in, turns out she's still working with us but she always has something going on when we both have days off, plus with the schedules coming out literally at the last minute it's real hard to plan something.
That's not too bad though. It might be a bit of problem if you had to do it every day in the winter or something, but once in a while in good weather doesn't sound that bad.
Hopefully they'll actually be useful in some way. Like if they could give you free training to do a different job that you liked better and that paid more, that would help. Maybe in principle they have something like that available but they don't tell people about it generally.
How do you know?
Hopefully they'll actually be useful in some way. Like if they could give you free training to do a different job that you liked better and that paid more, that would help. Maybe in principle they have something like that available but they don't tell people about it generally.
How do you know?
I could look into that. I didn't see anything like that offered on their website or on their informational tables just inside the building.
I've asked a couple times. The times I did get up the nerve to ask she claims she's going out of town for the whole weekend, or she has to work when I have a day off.
I've asked a couple times. The times I did get up the nerve to ask she claims she's going out of town for the whole weekend, or she has to work when I have a day off.
And this is why I wake up crying all the time. Because I have precisely dick to look forward to. Every day gets more lonely than the last and I have nothing to offer anyone that would make me desirable. Every time I do get up the nerve to ask I get shot down immediately. And it's never a basic "no thanks", I think I could take that much but it's always this "eh, I'm busy those days" bullshit. Cue Jim Carrey "so you're telling me there's a chance" GIF. I don't know what I'm even doing wrong. It's getting even worse now and I just want to cut myself open and end things because it's just completely hopeless.
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad and I hope something can help.
I think it's meant to be a more polite and less blunt refusal. It sounds like there might have been a time when she would have been open to dating, since you said she was flirting, but she may have changed her mind or is dating someone else.
You may not be in a good position now, but if you can fix a few things or make a plan to get on track, things could get a lot better.
I could try to offer some thoughts if you'd like.
I think it's meant to be a more polite and less blunt refusal. It sounds like there might have been a time when she would have been open to dating, since you said she was flirting, but she may have changed her mind or is dating someone else.
You may not be in a good position now, but if you can fix a few things or make a plan to get on track, things could get a lot better.
I could try to offer some thoughts if you'd like.
Thing is that I may NEVER be "in a good position". My job is at a dead end, exactly ZERO of the places where I could work for better pay are giving me the time of day and I'm completely alone most of the time. It generates a kind of feedback loop where I take too long to ask anyone out, she turns me down which makes me feel worthless and scares me off from trying with maybe someone else. Which leads me to waiting too long AGAIN and the whole shit show plays out again. I was also denied disability at my hearing last week, but only because I'm working just over 20 hours a week. I could get on disability for my depression and anxiety but only if I worked with my job to work a max of 20 hours a week, but I don't know if I'll be able to pay my bills while it works its way through all the red tape. If I had a relationship I could have something, some reason to get up and go to this dead-end job but if it's just me I don't feel the same desire to keep living. I need something, someone beyond myself to make this shit all worth something.