Walking around and trying to stop pressing the self-destruction button.

[Unknown_111]

Still walking in loneliness, don't where I am going for the rest of the year. The self destruction button still keeps being active but living each day seems getting harder. I could stand in the same spot for the rest of the year and nobody would blink at me. Depression is tough to cope with but as each day goes, I feel the pain seems to get easier.... Sometimes depression feels overwhelming but I promise it does easy overtime. I can say that but we must keep positive which keeps me going on a day by day basis. I think with out the care of this forum, I don't think I would be still here. From the bottom of my heart, I cannot never repay everyone's kind and sincere continued support. I hope this post gives you some encouragement with your own crisis. Thank you for reading this and take care. X

 

[Unknown_111]

Still walking in a daze. My life does not make any sense at the moment but I'm trying to cope one day at a time. Loneliness is hard but it takes time to cope. I see others happy but I'm on my fourth elastic band now. The simple technique is helping me from doing self-harm. I appreciate life by just simply drawing in a deep breath. Life can be cruel but we must need to cope in our own way.

 

[Unknown_111]

Since posting its helping get through my crisis. Still each day I'm dragging myself from the floor. Life hurts seeing others happy and the feeling of loneliness is non-ending downward spiral. Each day looks like Groundhog Day but we all suffer this everyday in our own way.

Depression is hard but we cope in our own way and negative thoughts of self-harming still remain. I only keep posting as to return the help shown here to me. I know one thing, I would not still be here today if it was not for this forum. Once again thank you for reading my post and I hope it helps you in your own crisis.

 

[Unknown_111]

Everyday does not get any easier but I continue to struggle with my thoughts. Depression is hard but I cannot believe that I am still here. I cry every night because knowing I have the pain I have caused but try not show it on the outside to others. Seeing people happy does help me in that one day I might find something to be happy about but until then I will continue to struggle in my own way.

 

[Unknown_111]

The struggle is getting hard and I trying to keep strong. I have one aim in life and I am determined to do fight the darkness. Life can be tough on seeing others happy when you are not happy yourself. I'm still walking on this tightrope where I feel I could end it but for reason I don't. This forum is a god send in that it's a place where i know I am not alone suffering. I cannot believe I have survived the past six months. I do not how to say thank you to this forum but by helping others in the same place as me. Please take care and thank you for reading this post.

 

[Unknown_111]

Got a glimmer of light last week but the darkness is still there which is tough. Life can be tough I cannot belief I'm still here. Some days it tough and I cannot help but try to pass the day by being kind to complete strangers. If I help someone then that makes my day. The darkness is going to be there for a long time but I am determined to beat it. The determination drives me forward and the helping of others in their hour of crisis is the greatest help of all.

 

[DrownedFishOnFire]

Thats good that helping others is a feel good thing for you. Keep on helping as I enjoy reading your posts lending support to countless others.

Youre awesome, seriously.

 

[Unknown_111]

Today it was a tough day. The sun was shining and tried to be happy. I appreciated life by helping others and giving smiles. Some people were kind but events took a turn for the worst. All the emotions and turmoils sought of bubbled up and made me feel crying my heart out. I ended up calling a helpline just for support and person helped me to calm down I'm so low at the moment but I am so determined to fight the depression. This tightrope seems to getting shorter. Thank you reading this post. I hope it helps you in your depression and crisis. If we help each other then we can get through. There is a point in living and that is to help others.

 

[Sad&Bipolar]

Emotions can be destructive. I am in a very bad state today. Fortunately, I am not acting on my feelings. It is comforting to know that another who is also suffering has such a positive attitude and is so willing to help others.

 

[Unknown_111]

My emotions welled me up today as somebody described a kind person. When I think about that it causes me great anguish and low ebb in what I had become. It gave me another a glimmer of hope in trusting human nature. My life cannot be the same ever again. I'm so sorry for the hurt I caused to the other person but I just hope overtime I will be forgiven which is highly unlikely. The only thing left for me to do in this life is support others in crisis on this forum and hope it helps me in my anguish. I hate myself in what I became which deeply kills me inside and something I need to learn with to live with the rest of my life. Thank you reading my thread and remember we all have to hold on that glimmer of hope. My life might be destroyed but I give back to this forum for the rest of my life. Take care as ever.

 

[Sad&Bipolar]

incrisis99:
Your post saddens me. Everything is forgivable. You are being so hard on yourself.
Do you see a therapist? It probably would be helpful to bring up all the thoughts you are having as you expressed in your post. I hope that you can find a way to forgive yourself. It will help to relieve some or all of the anguish you are suffering. I am working on issues that cause me to feel terribly guilty, and my therapist has me reading some books on forgiveness so that I can learn to forgive myself. You don't have to live with pain for the rest of your life.

After my reply to you on July 27, I had a worse crisis on the 28th, and on the 29th was admitted into a hospital. During that stay, my SI thoughts ended. Now I am feeling better, and ready to work hard on my therapy.

You have reached out to me a number of times on this site. You really are a good person. I hope you will be able to ease your pain soon. Viv.

 

[Unknown_111]

Hi SadandBipolar,

Thank you for your kind words. I'm getting there but I am driven by my determination. I have thought about a therapist but I find that helping others here helps me in my current anguish. That is the greatest therapy for me and gives me hope for future. I just hope if the third party ever reads these posts, they realise I'm not a bad person. I might done considered a bad person by a lot of people but helping here gives me hope for my future. I made a promise and that I must keep.

I'm a lot better now and that's down to the continued support from this forum. Whatever happens, I will forever be grateful for this forum. Helping others in crisis is the best medicine for me and may it continue for the rest of my lifetime. People judge you simply but the greatest thing to do in life is to help people. The pain will be there for a long time but it easy over time. Remember I might suffer but you folk are my healing process and I will forever grateful sincerely from the bottom of my heart. United we conquer our darkness and never alone. Thank you for reading my post but take hope whatever anguish you go through, there is always a positive outcome. X

 

[Unknown_111]

Life can be so hard. I'm so determined to beat my darkness. I feel my time is shortened here but only I can hope it's not. I will continue help here as much as I can. This is the only positive aspect of my life is helping others in their crisis. Whilst I appreciate each day that goes by which I treat it's my like my last day. I can only hope I am still here this time next year. The hours seem like days, days like months and months like years sometimes. The positivity shown here helps me dealing with my darkness. I try to keep positive by helping strangers but sometimes I fear the worst. All I can do is live for each day and appreciate life. You must believe one day you will see light but sometimes I think the darkness will prevail for a long time. All I have learnt over the past nine months is that I appreciate the simple things in life like birds singing in the day and bees flying in the air. Please do not think you are alone in your crisis but think we all suffer in our own way wherever we are in the world. I just hope one day I can see some light in my crisis but until then I continue to help others here. Thank you reading this and take care as ever. X. The elastic band is my saviour so far.

 

[Unknown_111]

I cry whilst I write this post. The pain I endure is so bad but I'm determined to give back to this forum as much as I can. I suffer everyday but all I can do is to live in vain. I try to live a normal life (Define Normal) but I truly suffer everyday and I still see no hope in my life. This forum is a godsend as I try to give back as much as I can. I know my days of life are numbered but I want tell you folk, you are my cure. In life, we endure so much pain but each day I try to recover but I relapse. I pick up myself from the ground and with determination I continue. I suffer anguish but please never GIVE UP HOPE. Life is hard but we must live in vain. Please support each other or otherwise we feel all alone in the world. Each day I will help anyone as it helps me. Thank you reading this and most important take care.

 

[W Miller]

You give your all to this forum, and, we are so very lucky to have you here. You support everyone here, and I feel you put your own mental health needs on the back burner, as I do too.

Your support to me is something I'll likely never forget and I'm know I'm not alone, seeing the support you give to to others here.

I'm not sure what you feel you need to be forgiven for, or to whom you expect forgiveness from, and I'm unsure of the rules here in discussing faith, so I'll avoid it for this reason, and also, I'm unsure of your faith. Please try to forgive yourself. You seem like such a caring person, and I highly doubt you've done things that don't deserve forgiveness.

Again, please try to use this forum for helping others, and also to ask for support for yourself. I don't know you, but, I just wish you the best and hope in some way you will find peace.

I'm sorry if this was out of line, or out of touch with your problems, but you deserve support too.

 

[Unknown_111]

I cannot believe I'm posting again. The last 24 hours have been the most horrible hours of my life. I cried all night to get myself to sleep. I hoped that I never waked up but i did. Like the rest of year, I grasped the first gasp of air and really appreciated it. It's a sad state of affairs when you even appreciate air but you still take it for granted. I am so down today all I can do appreciate each hour that passes by and try to focus the emotional promise that I keep as apart of my own therapy process. Even now typing, I shed a tear and suffer so much anguish. All I can do is to write my feelings down as it helps me to express the sorrow and remorse I feel. Everyday is a battle but I am so determined to beat my darkness which seems to get darker and darker. I don't think I will ever see sunlight again and so let it be. I will forever try help others here as much as I can. Thank you reading this post and I hope it helps you in your anguish. Remember life can be cruel but we all deserve to live our life. Take care folks.

 

[Unknown_111]

You give your all to this forum, and, we are so very lucky to have you here. You support everyone here, and I feel you put your own mental health needs on the back burner, as I do too.

Your support to me is something I'll likely never forget and I'm know I'm not alone, seeing the support you give to to others here.

I'm not sure what you feel you need to be forgiven for, or to whom you expect forgiveness from, and I'm unsure of the rules here in discussing faith, so I'll avoid it for this reason, and also, I'm unsure of your faith. Please try to forgive yourself. You seem like such a caring person, and I highly doubt you've done things that don't deserve forgiveness.

Again, please try to use this forum for helping others, and also to ask for support for yourself. I don't know you, but, I just wish you the best and hope in some way you will find peace.

I'm sorry if this was out of line, or out of touch with your problems, but you deserve support too.

Thank you for the kind words. I do put my mental anguish before others but that's me. I cannot see beyond each day but try help others as much as I can. I accept it as apart of my therapy process and may it continue forever. For me, it's about what you do now is the important thing and try to be one a better human being. Life is cruel but I'm still here due to helping others here and may that continue forever. I will not be forgiven for what I did but what I do now is the important thing. Helping others in their own crisis.

 

[Unknown_111]

My crisis has been adverted for the time being thanks to the administrators of this site. Thank you so much as such a little thing can trigger me. From the bottom of my heart I cannot thank you enough and that's why I give so much back to this site as it has saved me time after time. I might suffer but I will give back as much as I can. Thank you for reading this and remember let us support each one of us on this site. This site has truly being my saviour this year. X

 

[Unknown_111]

I cried so much this year as I cannot cry anymore. My heart is very much down but I have had great support from a number of people. In any crisis, you control your own destiny and it's about living for each day and helping others. It's not being selfish. Life can be tough but what we do now is important. I try to help here so you are aware people in crisis can be helped. You are never alone but we can help each other.

 

[DrownedFishOnFire]

I cried so much this year as I cannot cry anymore. My heart is very much down but I have had great support from a number of people. In any crisis, you control your own destiny and it's about living for each day and helping others. It's not being selfish. Life can be tough but what we do now is important. I try to help here so you are aware people in crisis can be helped. You are never alone but we can help each other.

Beautifully written.