Walking around and trying to stop pressing the self-destruction button.

[Unknown_111]

I broke down yesterday, it was not nice as I know I will never get to say sorry to the third-party in person. The mental and physical scars left over the past twenty-two months will feel like twenty-two years. So be it then, but the hurt I caused WILL NEVER BE FORGIVEN. I know that I really hurt the third-party but new apology will be done whilst others need to learn that PROMISES ARE KEPT AND NEVER BROKEN. All my relationships are broken and I am the loneliest person in the world, simply like a ghost with no soul. I want to redeem my soul back but it will only redeemed when the new apology is done. Others who laugh or consider me as scum need to understand what I went through the past twenty-two months when I nearly came close to taking my life. I will continue to help in the local town with homeless as life is about being kind to fellow human beings. The tears still roll down now and will never stop only until the apology is done.

 

[MisterBGone]

Hey there! I'm wondering if there isn't some way you could find to forgive yourself? Look, it's part of being human--we all make disastrous mistakes. The important thing is that we learn from it, and move on. Sometimes in life, we lose people. It's okay. That's what happens. It doesn't matter who's fault it is and it doesn't make anyone a bad person. Take care-

 

[Unknown_111]

Hey there! I'm wondering if there isn't some way you could find to forgive yourself? Look, it's part of being human--we all make disastrous mistakes. The important thing is that we learn from it, and move on. Sometimes in life, we lose people. It's okay. That's what happens. It doesn't matter who's fault it is and it doesn't make anyone a bad person. Take care-

Thank you for the post. I will never be forgiven, so I must punish myself for the hurt I caused. I think it will take up to twenty years but I must feel the pain and disappointment I caused. I feel that's the only way I way I can get my soul back. I still cry everyday but It's about repaying back for the hurt I caused. I don't want any communication but want others to see that whatever pain or feelings you have, life is important. The final commitment is not the answer. Life is important and if I save a person's life here then the pain I suffer gives me a purpose to live for. Thank you for reading and as ever be safe. Take care please. X

 

[Petal]

Hey there! I'm wondering if there isn't some way you could find to forgive yourself? Look, it's part of being human--we all make disastrous mistakes. The important thing is that we learn from it, and move on. Sometimes in life, we lose people. It's okay. That's what happens. It doesn't matter who's fault it is and it doesn't make anyone a bad person. Take care-

Excellent post misterbgone - A post we can all relate to.

Unknown111- You are an amazing person online and on the phone lol! You're a scream! Sorry we haven't talked much recently, still getting used to the new software

 

[Unknown_111]

I cry now as I have had a major breakdown today. I want to end my life tonight but I won't. I cry tears of sadness now. I will up calling a helpline right now.

 

[Petal]

Awwww, i'm so sorry you're feeling this way tonight but i'm very glad you have no plans to act on this urge. I hope today gets better

 

[Unknown_111]

I broke the cardinal sin, in that made contact to the third-party and informed them of how deeply sorry I was and left a long explaination. I explained about the pain and hurt I felt for them. I hope they read these messages. I am so down that I cry as I sleep tonight. The crisis line helped me to calm down and stopped me again from doing the final commitment. Even if the third-party is not online, I poured my heart out explaining what the apology was going to be and how long it would take. I breakdown severely now but I need to feel the hurt I caused. I am so down today but on a positive note I apologised for the first time in twenty-two months directly. I hope is apology is accepted but I want to this in order to make up the hurt I caused. Thank you for continuous support but please remember together we are strong and life is important. I need to feel the hurt, I caused. It's a last ditch attempt to talk to apologise. It was a brave move tonight but the third-party needs know the hurt I felt for them. I hope there is a glimmer of forgiveness as life is about living in harmony not bitterness.

 

[Unknown_111]

I broke down this morning and wanted to end it. I spoke to a crisis line which calmed me down. The crisis line helped me to recover and I managed to put on a false smile. I breakdown too often as the hurt I caused me cry and cry in my heart. I deserve all the breakdown in relationships that are occurring. I just want the third party to know how sorry I am and what I am willing to put myself through to repay for the hurt I caused. Thank for reading. My purpose for living is to help others suffering on this forum.

 

[Unknown_111]

I cry tonight as I see no future at the moment. I am breaking on a daily basis but what else can do. I done everything I could. I did the promise, apologised directly and pleading for life as I can see no escape from the heart I caused. My heart feels the hurt I caused to third-party and anybody else. I have paid a heavy price and will continue to do for a long time.

 

[Unknown_111]

I am compelled to write again. Like many others I get up for a new day but sometimes you wish your were in a deep sleep and the life experience you are suffering was just a horrible nightmare. But like many times, the first gasp of air I intake shows me I am still here and live for another dark day. Whether it's day or night, the darkness still persists. I done everything I can, helping others here, helping the homeless, trying to become a better person and apologised for the hurt I caused. I still carry on mentally and physically hurting myself everyday. People can think I am scum but sometimes you cannot more than enough but to do the ultimate. There is a point in living, whatever crisis you suffer in your life. You dig deep within yourself to strive to become a better person. I cry nearly everyday for the hurt I caused to the third-party and fine, I will never be forgiven which I understand. In this modern day, where we see all the unnecessary misery in the world, we all feel what others are suffering which is not nice and we try to our best to help each other. Life is about caring for each other and not revenge. I know the hurt I caused to the third party can never be repaired but I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart. I hope when they read this I will possibly be forgiven which is never,

Please keep reading my thread as there is point in living life and if I can survive SO CAN YOU. Thank you reading this and take care. X

 

[Petal]

((hugs)) to you. You are a special person. You are right we can live and so can you. CHOOSE LIFE

 

[DrownedFishOnFire]

We all are human beings and we are allowed to make mistakes. As long as you learned from the mistake and can be a better person as a result, that mistake was for for something.

 

[Unknown_111]

Today,I helped a lot of people. I helped a couple who were desperate for a cab fare home. The lady was scared and pregnant. She was upset as her brother in law was drunk and she feared the journey home. I lent them $22.50 dollars for the cab fare. I exchanged the person's mobile number and left a message for them to be safe. I never received a text back at all yet. I will wait for a text which I will never get I don't think.

 

[Unknown_111]

From the previous post, I met an preacher man who spoke with conviction. I brought him some liquid to help him in the hot weather. He hugged me and gave me his blessing. I thanked him but I broke internally as I said that I did not deserve that. I found a side alley and physically broke down again. No one saw for the hurt I felt having just received a blessing. It really cause me to crash as I just wanted to hurt myself but the elastic band helped me. I so ashamed of what I had become and did as I have been judged, sentenced and ready for the ultimate sacrifice. Again, like before I found the inner strength to live another day. I just want to say sorry but I feel it would never be accepted by the third - party. I feel like a soul-less person who is looking for their soul. I think my heart will never be same but until I have been forgiven I will try my best to help others. Like the preacher says you judged for your good deeds as well as your bad deeds. Every time I do a good dead, it makes no difference but I still cling to the mountain of life by these two fingers. I know that I will make it one day but continue to read this post as LIFE IS IMPORTANT. Thank you the words of encouragement but YOU HAVE TO REMAIN STRONG. Take care and let me feel you pain as I punish myself physically and mentally.

 

[Unknown_111]

I helped the young girl yesterday as she needed help. She grows in her confidence and I told her not to worry. I stated one day at a time. I met a man who inspired me to battle away with my demons everyday. He is still here today as he was set upon by nine men some thirteen years ago. I told him he was amazing as he was nearly beaten to within a inch of his life. I told him he inspired me and I gave him a hug as a mark of respect. He told me that he has no malice towards his enemies but live and let live. His words hit me hard and I cried how he suffered after such a beating from these men.

 

[Unknown_111]

I walked away from the station after speaking to a crisis line. I apologise for the above comment. I am stupid but never give into the final commitment. The apology will be done. So I ready to physically and mentally punish myself. This will be good karma. It's shame it's not for charity. I could have raised a lot of money. I must suffer alone and so be it then.

 

[Unknown_111]

On a positive note, the couple arrived home safely and really appreciated my kind offer. That helped me knowing that I did a good deed and helped someone. After all life is about human kindness and NOT REVENGE.

 

[DrownedFishOnFire]

Hug to you and your optimistic posts are being read by countless people seeing you struggle and knowing they're not alone.

 

[Unknown_111]

Thank you for the continued support. I am going to fight and commit to the apology. I bang to my hands on the ground and determined to live another day. You must never give up on life and so keep reading this post for support in whatever crisis you are in.

 

[Unknown_111]

I cry whilst I write this. I am going prove whilst I suffer mental and physical punishment, there is a point in living and with my determination I will prove my sceptics, people who think I deserve to be not to be alive that living is important. Life is about being kind to very human being.