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Walking around and trying to stop pressing the self-destruction button.
- Thread starter Unknown_111
- Start date
Yesterday, I helped someone financially who needed medical treatment. I took the last of saving I had left which was $300 dollars. I gave it to this person and now I have no more liquid assets available. I was down yesterday as the tough road of my life I face ahead drives me to continue to help here and prove to others that LIFE IS IMPORTANT. I cry everyday with tears rolling my eyes for the hurt caused. This week was awful as the hurt caused by someone was dramatic and left me emotionally. Yes, this person needs will never understand the hurt caused me but the important thing is that I am still here and today I can say I now got the third finger gripped on this mountain called life. I am driven by sheer determination that the final commitment is not the answer but sharing the pain we all suffer is the answer. Yes, on a day to day basis we all use this forum to face our darkness but the support here gives us hope that we can find the inner peace we most desire.
I was touched by someone this week. I met this woman who cleans in a couple of office blocks downtown. She helped me a lot and I had to listen to her plight how she struggles everyday to provide a roof for her daughter and two young grand children. I found out she was struggling to pay the rent and was going to be given an eviction notice. Again, even though people hate me when they read this, I could not see another family with two young children on the street. She really touched my heart, I cannot afford to give much but I had to a decent thing and help another family in the world. She cried tears of sadness which got me. It's not a case of buying people but merely doing the decent thing. Again, I trusted someone and gave her $250 dollars. She counted the money in front of her friend and again like the others the sheer sense of relieve on her face was brilliant. I told her not to worry as she needed to be safe with her grand children. I told her that she have to pay back $251 dollars when she can afford it. As I walked home, I completely broke down as no one can see me suffering each day. I fell to my knees but again like on many occasions I bang the ground with my hands and live another day.
I helped a lot of people and only two people have thanked me for what I did for them. As they continue to live their changed lives with my help, I feel the only person who has genuinely thanked me was the young chap who I met again on Wednesday night. He was a low point and wanted to do something but I stopped him. I told him that we helped each other and I would miss him truly. He cried and I hugged him to show him that I cared. On so many occasions I still believe people should help each other. Thank you reading my story and please take care and be safe. X
I helped a lot of people and only two people have thanked me for what I did for them. As they continue to live their changed lives with my help, I feel the only person who has genuinely thanked me was the young chap who I met again on Wednesday night. He was a low point and wanted to do something but I stopped him. I told him that we helped each other and I would miss him truly. He cried and I hugged him to show him that I cared. On so many occasions I still believe people should help each other. Thank you reading my story and please take care and be safe. X
This post should been posted two days ago. The cleaner was so happy as she was able to cover her rent and to ensure her grandchildren were safe. I only helped as I have a soft heart. She was able to sleep for the first time in ten weeks. She said that she would never forget this, On my journey home, I completely crashed again and cried tears of sorrow. Yes, you might not believe this but tears of sorrow were for the third-party and for hurt I caused. I feel the pain all the time but I remained strong as physically I punish myself everyday.
I went back into the local town, last night and saw folk dressed up to have a good time. I could not the see the point whilst others starve all around them. I bought some food from the local mall and spent two hours giving the food away to the homeless. All of them said thank you to me and stated that I had a good soul. I told them, I don't have a good soul but was doing the humane thing in trying to help others. I told them, that I do not judge them but doing the natural thing. I don't have a good soul but a darkened soul. I cried thinking my soul is not good but totally blackened by the hurt I caused.
I know that I go on about this third party situation but I trying so hard to find a purpose to live another day. I mentally trying to do the impossible. I feel like my life is stuck like a scratch cd keeps repeating the same verse over and over again.
I met the preacher man yesterday who really upset at someone said that he was preaching hate. I told him that he had to ignore such remarks however cruel. He felt hurt and he was just going home but I told him he was unjustifly judged. He told me he one thing that people should help each other and once he met a homeless person begging for money. He told his person not to beg as he was equally human to him but had only merely had to ask. The principles of humanity applies here. As a human reading this post I ask YOU to consider life and nothing more. LIFE IMPORTANT AS THAT MEANS YOU AS WELL. Please be STRONG as I continue to my struggle and feel THE PAIN TO DO THE IMPOSSIBLE. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE AS LONGER YOU HAVE THE MINDSET TO ACHIEVE THE IMPOSSIBLE.
Be be safe please.........
I went back into the local town, last night and saw folk dressed up to have a good time. I could not the see the point whilst others starve all around them. I bought some food from the local mall and spent two hours giving the food away to the homeless. All of them said thank you to me and stated that I had a good soul. I told them, I don't have a good soul but was doing the humane thing in trying to help others. I told them, that I do not judge them but doing the natural thing. I don't have a good soul but a darkened soul. I cried thinking my soul is not good but totally blackened by the hurt I caused.
I know that I go on about this third party situation but I trying so hard to find a purpose to live another day. I mentally trying to do the impossible. I feel like my life is stuck like a scratch cd keeps repeating the same verse over and over again.
I met the preacher man yesterday who really upset at someone said that he was preaching hate. I told him that he had to ignore such remarks however cruel. He felt hurt and he was just going home but I told him he was unjustifly judged. He told me he one thing that people should help each other and once he met a homeless person begging for money. He told his person not to beg as he was equally human to him but had only merely had to ask. The principles of humanity applies here. As a human reading this post I ask YOU to consider life and nothing more. LIFE IMPORTANT AS THAT MEANS YOU AS WELL. Please be STRONG as I continue to my struggle and feel THE PAIN TO DO THE IMPOSSIBLE. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE AS LONGER YOU HAVE THE MINDSET TO ACHIEVE THE IMPOSSIBLE.
Be be safe please.........
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Today, I was ridiculed where people laughter at my expense. A young man, young lady and an old man upset me in a such a way I had walk away with hurt. Ridiculing me Nader me angry but more determined to live life. The young man told me that he will be more important in life and told me to keep watching out for him. You are wrong young man, see what I am doing is more important than anything else. Saving and helping others to over the final commitment is the best ever therapy that gives me a purpose in life.
I met a kind woman, who needed my help and I genuinely could see how hurt she was feeling. It was not nice to see how her world had collapsed like my experience over two years ago. I gave her advice and she was so grateful. Her simple words of a genuine thank you really uplifted me inside from the others who liked to ridiculed me at my expense. I hope if you ever read these words you feel ashamed of simply jokes can be hurtful.
I met a kind woman, who needed my help and I genuinely could see how hurt she was feeling. It was not nice to see how her world had collapsed like my experience over two years ago. I gave her advice and she was so grateful. Her simple words of a genuine thank you really uplifted me inside from the others who liked to ridiculed me at my expense. I hope if you ever read these words you feel ashamed of simply jokes can be hurtful.
Last post reposted now again..
Today, I was ridiculed where people laughter at my expense. A young man, young lady and an old man upset me in a such a way I had walk away with hurt. Ridiculing me, made me angry but more determined to live life. The young man told me that he will be more important in life and told me to keep watching out for him. You are wrong young man, see what I am doing is more important than anything else. Saving and helping others to over the final commitment is the best ever therapy that gives me a purpose in life.
I met a kind woman, who needed my help and I genuinely could see how hurt she was feeling. It was not nice to see how her world had collapsed like my experience over two years ago. I gave her advice and she was so grateful. Her simple words of a genuine thank you really uplifted me inside from the others who liked to ridicule me at my expense. I hope if you ever read these words you feel ashamed of simply jokes can be hurtful. Her friend introduced herself to me but I said I was sorry to her as the last time I spoke to her she ridiculed me harshly which caused me to collapse. I simple declined to speak to her and told her in simple words she scared me. She seemed a nice person but the hurt caused left some hurtful scares. In life, I have learned to simple say sorry and walk away. I hope with help I have given to her best friend she might change her opinion of me. Highly unlikely but in life you have help others and that's what important especially in harsh time of this modern world,
I hope the kind lady injury recovers as she does not need to suffer what I had to go through which nearly made to do something horrible last Christmas. I apologise to the moderators if I have upset anyone about the last sentence. The importance of that sentence, is that you can overcome any issue or experience and continue to live life.
I also meet the my homeless friend and the dog. The dog was so glad to see me and showed me the affection I miss so much. My friend enjoyed the towels I gave and needs now needs bed linen which I will try to get him as soon as possible. The dog really enjoyed the treats I gave him and I will try my best to do more. The affection of a dog really my day and uplifted me from hurtful day I experienced today. Thank you for reading and as ever take care. Remember life is about living and nothing more. Like one great Hill Street cop said. "Be careful out there..." or to words to that effect.
Today, I was ridiculed where people laughter at my expense. A young man, young lady and an old man upset me in a such a way I had walk away with hurt. Ridiculing me, made me angry but more determined to live life. The young man told me that he will be more important in life and told me to keep watching out for him. You are wrong young man, see what I am doing is more important than anything else. Saving and helping others to over the final commitment is the best ever therapy that gives me a purpose in life.
I met a kind woman, who needed my help and I genuinely could see how hurt she was feeling. It was not nice to see how her world had collapsed like my experience over two years ago. I gave her advice and she was so grateful. Her simple words of a genuine thank you really uplifted me inside from the others who liked to ridicule me at my expense. I hope if you ever read these words you feel ashamed of simply jokes can be hurtful. Her friend introduced herself to me but I said I was sorry to her as the last time I spoke to her she ridiculed me harshly which caused me to collapse. I simple declined to speak to her and told her in simple words she scared me. She seemed a nice person but the hurt caused left some hurtful scares. In life, I have learned to simple say sorry and walk away. I hope with help I have given to her best friend she might change her opinion of me. Highly unlikely but in life you have help others and that's what important especially in harsh time of this modern world,
I hope the kind lady injury recovers as she does not need to suffer what I had to go through which nearly made to do something horrible last Christmas. I apologise to the moderators if I have upset anyone about the last sentence. The importance of that sentence, is that you can overcome any issue or experience and continue to live life.
I also meet the my homeless friend and the dog. The dog was so glad to see me and showed me the affection I miss so much. My friend enjoyed the towels I gave and needs now needs bed linen which I will try to get him as soon as possible. The dog really enjoyed the treats I gave him and I will try my best to do more. The affection of a dog really my day and uplifted me from hurtful day I experienced today. Thank you for reading and as ever take care. Remember life is about living and nothing more. Like one great Hill Street cop said. "Be careful out there..." or to words to that effect.
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On Wednesday, I felt that I was taunted by the young man like on Sunday. The comments were harsh and as a result I made a decision to walk from the one likes to treat with taunts. Taunts can leave one hurting and the best thing for me to do was to walk away where the young man needs to understands that you need to treat people with respect. I met the young man who I saved and I promised to rebuild his life for him. I told him that he has a friend for life and told him not worry about anything. I gave him my last $5 dollars to him so he knew I meant it.
Yesterday morning, I broke down again but managed to cope with the pain I felt and caused. The third party feels that they were betrayed in a horrible way. I am in total agreement with those feelings of the third party and I cry tears everyday. I know I go on and on but I will continue to suffer everyday.
I met the cleaner from last week and again she was struggling to pay for her rent and again my heart strings pulled on me. I just had got $100 dollars out and gave it to her. Perhaps she will pay me back one day but it seems unlikely as would not give me her phone number. Only time will tell me if someone has taken advantage of my good nature. She promised me her word but only time will tell me.
At at the end of the day, I went back into the town and bought more sandwiches for the homeless. The homeless told me that I was a good person but I am only doing the decent thing in helping others who have had not eaten at all. I even walked across town to buy a person some tea as that was his only request. He really appreciated that and it made his day knowing that someone was kind to help.
I met the old man and dog yesterday and gave him my last sandwich as he had not eaten all day. I promised him some bed sheets which I am still working on it for him. He appreciated the help I gave him and how much I have gone out to support him and the dog. I simply told him that he a human being who just needed to be treated with respect and decency. The dog did not greet me as it was tired.
I met the cleaner from last week and again she was struggling to pay for her rent and again my heart strings pulled on me. I just had got $100 dollars out and gave it to her. Perhaps she will pay me back one day but it seems unlikely as would not give me her phone number. Only time will tell me if someone has taken advantage of my good nature. She promised me her word but only time will tell me.
At at the end of the day, I went back into the town and bought more sandwiches for the homeless. The homeless told me that I was a good person but I am only doing the decent thing in helping others who have had not eaten at all. I even walked across town to buy a person some tea as that was his only request. He really appreciated that and it made his day knowing that someone was kind to help.
I met the old man and dog yesterday and gave him my last sandwich as he had not eaten all day. I promised him some bed sheets which I am still working on it for him. He appreciated the help I gave him and how much I have gone out to support him and the dog. I simply told him that he a human being who just needed to be treated with respect and decency. The dog did not greet me as it was tired.
I meant to write this post yesterday. I met this homeless person yesterday and he was helping a fellow friend. I was cheeky to him but I brought them both breakfast and a hot chocolate. The homeless person told me how someone pinched his sleeping quilt. I gave him my last $10 dollars and I told him that it was my last ten dollars. And credit he gave it back to me. I told him that he needed warmth and he accepted my kindness. Another lady appeared with food for my friend. She was pleasant and we exchanged some cheeky jokes. The homeless person was trying to blind date but I politely refused. I told her that I made a life commitment to keep to and was not interested. I had only met her five minutes and I kindly explained my situation. I cannot say much but she explained to me she suffered a harrowing experience last year.
Continuing from the last post. I was totally blow away like someone had ripped my heart out. I was left dumb and lost for words. I expressed my apologies and told her she was a courageous woman for sharing this life experience. I felt her hurt and offered her help. She was a strong woman and I told her that I was totally left dumb-founded for the rest of the day. She asked what my name was but I declined as I was so ashamed to give to her. I wished her a good day and I walked away crying tears of Shane. My pain will never ease until I achieve the impossible. I know that I keep repeating the same words of sorrows over and over. I cry as I write this but how can I express my feelings apart from writing them down. I am so constantly down but one day I will see some light in the darkness I am currently live in.
People might laugh at this but I really care for the hurt I caused to the third-party. I cry as I write this. I am so down today but as ever I will get through it some how. I cry tears in mind all the time but feel the emptyiness in my heart like a ghostless ship looking its captain travelling on the oceans of sorrowiness. I will find this captain one day but when that is, I don't know.
Thank you for reading this and take care.
People might laugh at this but I really care for the hurt I caused to the third-party. I cry as I write this. I am so down today but as ever I will get through it some how. I cry tears in mind all the time but feel the emptyiness in my heart like a ghostless ship looking its captain travelling on the oceans of sorrowiness. I will find this captain one day but when that is, I don't know.
Thank you for reading this and take care.
Yesterday, I went to local town and bought more sandwiches for the homeless. I met a kind homeless person and his dog. We exchanged frank kind words and the dog showed me the affection that I have missed for a long time. I cried inside the pain I feel everyday but wished this person a safe and warm night on this dreary cold night.
The sandwiches were appreciated gratefully by the homeless. On my way back home I met the homeless man, his dog and the young chap he is looking after. He was looking for donations as he had no money for his electric meter. I gave him $10 dollars which would last him three days. The young chap was shy and very timid. He was very shy and weary of people from his upbringing. The homeless man told me this young man's story which I was totally shocked by and I cannot divulge into. I cried all the way home thinking about this young man and how I can I use my experience to help him. I am formulating a plan to help as he very intelligent and has so much untapped intelligence to make a better future for himself. I will speak to him and ask where he wants to be in the near future. I know that I cannot resolve everyone's problems but I will endeavour to give help and hope to others whilst I still breath on this planet called earth. Even though I condemned to hell by a number of people. Perhaps on a cheeky note, I can say .... "Satan, beam me down....." In a Star-Trek style....
Thank you reading my post, however it's disjointed it is since the upgrade, Peace, Love and a little cheeky smile...
For once I'm upbeat in two nearly two years until I breakdown the next time. Be safe please... Life and love among this community is important.
The sandwiches were appreciated gratefully by the homeless. On my way back home I met the homeless man, his dog and the young chap he is looking after. He was looking for donations as he had no money for his electric meter. I gave him $10 dollars which would last him three days. The young chap was shy and very timid. He was very shy and weary of people from his upbringing. The homeless man told me this young man's story which I was totally shocked by and I cannot divulge into. I cried all the way home thinking about this young man and how I can I use my experience to help him. I am formulating a plan to help as he very intelligent and has so much untapped intelligence to make a better future for himself. I will speak to him and ask where he wants to be in the near future. I know that I cannot resolve everyone's problems but I will endeavour to give help and hope to others whilst I still breath on this planet called earth. Even though I condemned to hell by a number of people. Perhaps on a cheeky note, I can say .... "Satan, beam me down....." In a Star-Trek style....
Thank you reading my post, however it's disjointed it is since the upgrade, Peace, Love and a little cheeky smile...
For once I'm upbeat in two nearly two years until I breakdown the next time. Be safe please... Life and love among this community is important.
Yesterday, I met the old man and dog yesterday. As promised, I gave him his bedding. He appreciated as he has been waiting for sometime. I apologised for the colour as it a gory purple colour, The dog was happy is as he was tired. We met a young foreign man who happy and saddened to see the old man with such a lovely dog on the street in this modern age. The old man decided after a nice discussion it was time to go.
I tried to to do my best but I crashed last night as I was over a road bridge and ended up calling a helpline to help me. I explained my story and how the support given by this helpline stopped me from doing anything. Another crisis averted and I thanked person for their time and patience. He told me it was fine and that I could call anytime. This helpline has helped me all times until I hit rock bottom. I get up everyday battling through my demons but I survived this weekend.
I tried to to do my best but I crashed last night as I was over a road bridge and ended up calling a helpline to help me. I explained my story and how the support given by this helpline stopped me from doing anything. Another crisis averted and I thanked person for their time and patience. He told me it was fine and that I could call anytime. This helpline has helped me all times until I hit rock bottom. I get up everyday battling through my demons but I survived this weekend.
Last night, I crashed again but the helpline I rang calmed me down. Today, I met the girl who I have helped this year to come off drugs. I saw her beaming a big smile. She told me she was off drug substitute completely and it was down to the positivity I had shown her over the past year that helped her. I told her I was happy for her and it was my pleasure to help her. She stated that she could not get shelter but it was only a matter of time. I gave her $10 dollars to make sure she remained positive and safe tonight. It gave me hope that by helping someone I have a purpose in life to help as many as I can to see that anyone can recover from anything. Whilst I continue to live a nightmare for the rest of my life, I want others to know that we can all survive whatever our crisis we face in the world. I still live in hope my nightmare will cease but if not then at least I helped one person.
Last night, I went back to my local town bought a selection of sandwiches. I could not see homeless people go hungry whatever their circumstances. I do not judge them but try my best to help others in crisis. I saw a homeless volunteer and a number of these sandwiches for him to distribute. He looked my selection and decided to keep one for himself. I was shocked but I could not judge.
On on my return home, I saw the homeless man and dog. He explained that he had no electric and limited food. The dog showed so much affection and I decided to make difference. The old man was low on smokes, so I went to the local superstore and purchased the basics. This included bread , milk , butter and smokes for his pleasure. He was grateful for this as his social security benefits were not up and running. He appreciated this and I told him at least he had food for the next couple of days. I said that I would help anyone whatever their crisis was. As on numerous occasions, it's about helping others and trying to live life in harmony.
Thank you reading my post. We all care about each other here so please keep living life as ITS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ON THIS EARTYH AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERS WHATEVER CRISIS OR PAIN WE ENDURE. YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND LET ME FEEL THE PAIN YOUR ARE SUFFERING AS I ENDURE THE IMPOSSIBLE EVERYDAY.
On on my return home, I saw the homeless man and dog. He explained that he had no electric and limited food. The dog showed so much affection and I decided to make difference. The old man was low on smokes, so I went to the local superstore and purchased the basics. This included bread , milk , butter and smokes for his pleasure. He was grateful for this as his social security benefits were not up and running. He appreciated this and I told him at least he had food for the next couple of days. I said that I would help anyone whatever their crisis was. As on numerous occasions, it's about helping others and trying to live life in harmony.
Thank you reading my post. We all care about each other here so please keep living life as ITS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ON THIS EARTYH AND NOTHING ELSE MATTERS WHATEVER CRISIS OR PAIN WE ENDURE. YOU ARE IMPORTANT AND LET ME FEEL THE PAIN YOUR ARE SUFFERING AS I ENDURE THE IMPOSSIBLE EVERYDAY.
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Today, I'm very down but determined to live life. The hurt I caused is taking its toll. I feel like the loneliest person in the world. I am determined to help others as it's the decent thing to do. I know people take advantage of my good nature and once used decide to trash me like to feel worthless. You learn to move on and become a better person the next day.
Unknown_111, I am sorry that You are down. I am glad that You are so determined to live, that is very important. I am sad that the hurt is taking it's toll on you but that is what hurt does, I too feel lonely, I so know and share Your feelings daily too, I wish that you could stop the hurt, I know/believe that you seem to take it on as some sort of penance that you have to pay, I am truly sorry, I believe that no matter what I do or say you will continue to go on as you have been doing. I believe this is True because it seems to bring you to where you feel you have to be, I will say nothing more on that because, I did the same, I do no longer, I found that what I was doing only brought more pain to others, I had to stop, I am here now, I still hurt, I still feel pain, it is no longer of consequence to others. My others are happy because they no longer feel pain because of me! Please! Be gentle on yourself.
I so want to move on and become a better person, some day, I will!
I so want to move on and become a better person, some day, I will!
I just wanted to let you know that you are such an inspiration to me. Whenever I am feeling down and frustrated, I look for your posts. It makes me smile to know that there are still good people out there who actually care about the welfare of others. I apologize if this doesn't make sense- I am having difficulty sorting my thoughts right now.....There is this little story I heard as a kid, where a little boy was seen tossing washed up star fish back into the ocean. A man came along and laughed at him and told him that he couldn't come close to making a difference all by himself. The little boy smiled smugly as he reached for another star fish and tossed it back into the ocean, and he said "I made a difference for that one, now didn't I?"