Walking around and trying to stop pressing the self-destruction button.

[Unknown_111]

The story continues.... Last night I bought a lot of reduced food for my homeless friend. He left he obliging in that he thought he was taking advantage of me by me giving him food whilst he waited for his social security. I told him he was a good friend and I appreciated him listening to me. With that reassurance he accepted what l offered because simply I cannot see anyone, going hungry. He was happy and accepted my kindness. I told him that to be happy and he was. The dog was happy as I could see his acceptance of me in his eyes. That was nice to see that I had the approval of a dog who had been unfairly since it was born. I had a content day yesterday as in life we struggle with our feelings and our own inner peace.

 

[Unknown_111]

I am very depressed today as I cannot see any future but to live by a day by day basis. I will have quiet week as the past few weeks I have to help others and I need to help myself. I think I will put a act on to see to be happy but inside I crumble over anything or situation. Perhaps it's down to my over active mind but I will keep calm about it. I will lay low from the local town in order to keep away from any trouble. I cannot help anyone anymore but no doubt my heart strings will pull again. I hope everyone has a quiet and pleasant day. All I ask if you see a homeless person, just say hello and that will help them in their plight.

 

[Unknown_111]

Today, I was knocked over and put in my place by a person who does not want nothing to with the likes of me. This person needs to understand that human beings are to treated with respect and what counts is the feelings of oneself on the inside. I took these comments and thought, I am the better person and constructively and with grace accepted what advice was given. I thought I have a purpose in life and that's purely helping others in a either a narrative format or in a physical presence.

Too me, it does not matter what wealth you have in life as its what they say, money cannot buy you happiness but what's counts is what you feel inside. Heh, today I learnt that I am nothing but a number in this world but to others it might be acceptable. There are too many people in the world trying to harm others whether they are innocent or needed to be punished. Life is about learning from history and trying to make the life we have on this earth a forfilling one and nothing more. Perhaps I have been reading too much into my situations today but once again thank you reading my post. You must remember we all suffer in many ways but we can help each other to deal with life on a day by day basis. Be safe and be careful. Respect as ever.

 

[Petal]

You're an amazing person.It sounds like that person needs to be put in their place and show some respect to those who are trying to help them. You are an amazing person, don't let anyone bring you down. You are better than those types of people. Hugs (hugs)

 

[Unknown_111]

You're an amazing person.It sounds like that person needs to be put in their place and show some respect to those who are trying to help them. You are an amazing person, don't let anyone bring you down. You are better than those types of people. Hugs (hugs)

Thank you Petal, you are a very endearing person and that has made my day as someone does care about me. People tend to take advantage of my good nature or naturally rip me to bits in making jokes at the expense of my feelings. I am that type of person who worries what others think and always try to put anything right by apologising to others if I have upset them. People over the years have taken me for a laughing stock and like to play mind games. I get very guilt-ridden for anything and it hurts me that I have upset anyone. You could say I now developed a trust wall where I don't trust anyone. But this wall is truly false and always crumbles, as I am a very soft natured person. My aim in life is to help others and try to try to become a better person rather than this false cold-harsh persona I portray in my day to day living. You can see this soft nature side in all my posting here where I try to help others overcome their sad feelings.

Life is about living each day and trying to become a better person. Naturally we cause conflict whether in a social or working environment but life is about living in harmony and helping each other. As ever thank you reading this and at least I know we all care for each other here. Petal, you give me hope for my life and as ever I'm forever grateful. Thank you reading and let's be careful out there in this bad world.

 

[Petal]

Thank you Petal, you are a very endearing person and that has made my day as someone does care about me. People tend to take advantage of my good nature or naturally rip me to bits in making jokes at the expense of my feelings. I am that type of person who worries what others think and always try to put anything right by apologising to others if I have upset them. People over the years have taken me for a laughing stock and like to play mind games. I get very guilt-ridden for anything and it hurts me that I have upset anyone. You could say I now developed a trust wall where I don't trust anyone. But this wall is truly false and always crumbles, as I am a very soft natured person. My aim in life is to help others and try to try to become a better person rather than this false cold-harsh persona I portray in my day to day living. You can see this soft nature side in all my posting here where I try to help others overcome their sad feelings.

Life is about living each day and trying to become a better person. Naturally we cause conflict whether in a social or working environment but life is about living in harmony and helping each other. As ever thank you reading this and at least I know we all care for each other here. Petal, you give me hope for my life and as ever I'm forever grateful. Thank you reading and let's be careful out there in this bad world.

Yes- we ARE good people. I went to college and they all laughed at me 'cos they needed someone to poke fun at, why it be me... you also give me hope in this bad world by reading your amazing posts each day, I look forward to seeing the kindness you show others here. You're a wonderful person. Don't let anyone bring you down and don't stoop to their level

 

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday, I was a mixture of emotions where I nearly did do something stupid but I walked away, I was feeling down, clueless and disheartened. I pushed myself in remaining calm but trying to act level headed. I got through the day somehow. I met a homeless person and he asked me how I was. I told him I was down but living on by a day by day basis. He told me that he was in accommodation now and hopefully not struggling in the bitter cold weather. He was still begging for food. I gave him $1.50 dollars so that could get a warm meal. He thanked me but I told him there was no need as there was no need for him to beg for one basic hot meal. That thought of him being safe was important. The best news was helping the woman with her daughter as she was guaranteed her dream home. I kept my promise as she described herself as being "on cloud of confidence" and she had something to look forward. She was grateful and she could hold her head up for the first time and concentrate on her health for now. I told it was my pleasure and that the turmoil she was suffered could be put behind her. I helped someone overcome sadness and turned their life around. My deed was done and now I must help another person to overcome their feelings now. Whether it's a physical or narrative format. I might live a life of darkness and unknown but I will continue to help others for a long time. Life is not about hating each other but helping anyone who is in distress and making sure they are fine. For those who read this latest post of mine. JUST REMEMBER WE ALL COME TO A LOW POINT IN LIFE BUT YOU HAVE TO REMAIN STRONG, STRUGGLE TO LIVE LIFE WHATEVER IS THROWN AT YOU AND HELP OTHERS IF YOU CAN. THERE IS ALWAYS A SOLUTION BEFORE THINKING ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE.

Again thank you for reading this post. I cry tears now as it helps me release the anguish I feel. Take care and please keep posting here. I and others do care about YOU.... X

 

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday, I was contacted by the young lad I was helping. He was upset as he got himself into serious trouble. I told him and tried to reason with him. I kept telling him that I would not abandon him. He thought I would not care but I told him that I am not going to drop him as I have invested to much time and effort into helping him. He cried and laughed at the same time. I told him to be strong as we fall down but we can get up and start again. I am determined to help him as it helps me in my struggle knowing that I am rebuilding lives at the same time.

 

[Unknown_111]

The story continues as I continue to rebuild my life... I saw the girl who I have being helping yesterday and she has being arrested for begging. She received a sentence which she served and lost all her possessions. I immediately gave her $5 dollars, sanitise hand towels so her hands are clean. She appreciated it and told her she needs to be careful as she was going to receive a town ban stopping her frequenting the town. As ever, she appreciated and she continues to smile everyday with my continuous help.

Later on I saw a large gathering where I asked who was the funeral for. I was told it for a person who was 23 years old who ended up taking their own life, It saddened me to see I could not help this person in their time of distress. I told the person to pass on condolences to the family. I shed a tear of sadness for this person and his relatives.

Later, I saw a woman who was distressed and as a good person asked if she was ok? She was distressed and was worried as she was not able to get home. I calmed her down and she was going home as her son was going to pick her up. She thanked me for helping her. She asked me my name but I gave her my street name. She asked me what her street name was and all I said was "nice lady". I calmed this person from being distraught to calm. It helped deal with my own situation.

 

[Unknown_111]

I went back into town on Tuesday night and I noticed the girl I was helping was very down. After some encouragement, she told me that someone had really upset her and in addition she was robbed of thirty dollars. I told her it was ok to cry as it released the hurt she felt. She really got to me as the confidence she portrayed could crumble and lead back to the world of drugs. I told her she could easily be led by the way she was feeling. She reassured me that she would not and that she would her promise. The weather had become cold and I helped her by giving her $11 dollars so she had enough money for a safe night. She hugged me for helping her but I told her there was no need. I told her to be safe and that our friendship was for life. Whilst I was around she would be safe and that I would get her out of the gutter. She just needed someone to believe in her and she was helping me to self-heal. Others who know me need to realise that I might be wasting my time and money but you can help anyone to change their lifestyle. So life is very important.

 

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday, it was very hard, it's the time of year where others enjoy their lifestyle at this time of year. I had to cope with various situations. The day was tough but in the evening I helped a number of homeless people. I meet one person and explained that he was a human being and needed to be treated with respect. I told him my street name and apparently he heard of me and gave me respect. I told him to be strong and I never want acknowledgement as I was just helping a fellow human being. I wondered the streets trying to ensure the girl who I was helping was OK as it was cold. However, I met her friend who was having a bad night and I explained him not to worry. To help him I gave him $5 dollars and he appreciated.

I met the man with no shoes but this time he had slippers on, he was hungry and I gave him a sandwich and fruit. He appreciated as he told me about his past which helped me to understand. Helping others helps me to self-heal on a day by day basis. Thanks for reading but the hurt I caused and feel for the third-party will never heal. It's something I cannot get over but helping others just acts like a pain-reliever for a headache. Like I say helping others is very important to me especially here and in a human form.

The story continues...........

 

[Unknown_111]

I was very saddened yesterday as people wanted my financial help and I was no way able to help others. One person wanted $1.20 cents and I had nothing. I met the girl who this year I bought shoes this year and she was saddened as she could not any social security as she was passed pillar to post. She just wanted me to talk to. She told me I was a good person but that totally destroyed me yesterday. Just before I wrote this post I broke down severely but it was so the reasons. I endure severe mental and physical anguish but I am determined others wrong. I collapse like a tower built from a pack of cards and someone pushes it down. I am determined to rebuild my life and others at the same time. I know at this time of year it's hard but I will survive some how. Thank you for reading until next time. It may be tomorrow, next week or next year. Keep the faith, like I do and be safe.

 

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday was a terrible day in that I had to re-assess my life completely. I tried to cry but I could not. I try everything to reverse my situation. I did the promise which took 22-months of life. I know this might sound obsessional but I realise there is no future as all my relationships with people breakdown everyday. I even apologised directly three months ago but that was also ignored. The only way I will ever apologise will be taking my own life but I will not. I found a purpose in life my helping others in the local town and here. That's is my sole purpose in life. Until I know my fate, I will continue to help as much as I can.

Yesterday, I bought treats for the homeless which cost me 90 cents and they thanked me. I told each homeless person that you are important and deserve to be treated with respect. I know one thing, as I may have everything today but tomorrow I might not have everything and might become homeless. If I help the homeless as much as I can now, I can might gain one-percent respect and the rest might be hate which I know I deserve. I know that a lot of people think I deserve to die but I when that day comes, I want to leave a legacy. To me life is about living and helping others to follow their dreams and become a better person.

I hope I am here for a long time but who knows when a person holds the power to destroy and take your life. When I know my fate, I want people to read this passage and realise that I did something stupid but I help so many others to remain positive and thoughts about of extinguishing you life is pointless. I promise to do the ultimate impossible but I will do it as I made a commitment. My life is now solely about doing this non-achievable target but I hope the third-party will realise that I am so sorry for the hurt caused and I do suffer everyday.

 

[Unknown_111]

I am compelled to write again. I cry as I write this post. As I cling to my this mountain of life by three fingers I feel that I am losing my grip further and further down. I am determined to hold on to this grip but I having to dig deeper to find the willpower to live life. It's nearly a year ago where I nearly did something stupid and I am determined to find the inner strength to live my life for another day. I cry tears of sorryiness.... I realise that I have no future with the third party but deep down I care for the hurt caused.... The third-party has left a traumatic stain on my heart as I am compelled to help others for the rest of my life. My self-healing process will never be ending as that's why I help others in life.

All I ask myself, how many more times of tears do I gave to cry....????

 

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday, I got on with things that occupied my day. I crashed last night as I felt ill and the weather. I shed tears and it was because the time of year when everyone is happy. I did make someone smile and that did cheer me slightly. But the mind game of life I endure is hard but I'm still as ever determined to live life. You have to be strong to move forward with your life.

 

[Unknown_111]

Last Saturday, I went to a local food store where I saw a homeless person with a dog begging for money. I gave him my last dollar and he told me his story how he met someone who ended up totally different in real life. He was desperate to get back to his own town. I told him to be safe and his dog had the same street name as me. Then another homeless person came and he had a similar story. I also gave him $1.00.Then a religious woman with two children brought the homeless man with the dog some food. I was impressed by her gratitude and told her that she had a heart of gold. Then a local store detective came along in an abrupt manner and ushered the homeless person with a dog with no compassion. I understand he was doing he his job but at this time he could shown some compassion.

Later on, I met this woman who profound statement kept ringing in me in a long way. I apologise to the moderators if you consider this to be trigger orientated. She stated that " what meant to kill you, makes you strong". That saying is so true and I am getting stronger by the day. I know that by one day , I will the light and I that my whole story will talked to by many. I might fail today, tomorrow, next week, next year but at the end of the day, there is a purpose in living life.

 

[Petal]

You are an Amazing person that I am glad to call my friend. You never cease to amaze me. You have such a huge heart, I hope that one day I am the same as you but I'd be too scared of being taken advantage of. But best of luck to you on your special journeys in life.

 

[Unknown_111]

You are an Amazing person that I am glad to call my friend. You never cease to amaze me. You have such a huge heart, I hope that one day I am the same as you but I'd be too scared of being taken advantage of. But best of luck to you on your special journeys in life.

Petal, thank you for the posting. It means a lot knowing that I may suffer everyday the ideations of doing the final commitment but that there are people that do care about me. You continuous effort and support means a lot. I truly want to thank everyone for the support you have given to me. I can say with my hand on my heart that I would not be here today without this site where I post feelings when I feel the need to express them.

It proves one thing to everyone, in that we have a purpose to live for and that life itself is very important. This community is very special and you must never forget that. Together we can help each other and live in harmony in this harsh modern world in this community.

Thank you for reading my post. Remember one thing, be careful out there and enjoy the day tomorrow where ever you are in world. X

 

[Petal]

Merry Christmas to you I agree we must all hold each others hands and be there for one another during this rough period. I think you are amazing and always love reading your posts, you're special and an inspiration..

 

[Unknown_111]

Tonight, I went to the local town and saw the girl who I have been helping over the year. She told me that she was keeping away from town in order to keep a low profile. I was glad to see her and that she was ok. She asked about my welfare and I stated that I was glad to see her. I also helped a couple who were living in a tent trying to heat from a gas stove. Too both people I gave $5 dollars and wished both a save night. I trying my best to help others as it helps me to move forward one day at a time. Moving forward can only help me to become a better person in the near future.