Walking around and trying to stop pressing the self-destruction button.

[Unknown_111]

Today, I might loose two precious things in my life. If I do, you know I care about you and it hurts a lot to that I might not see you again. I know I hurt these two precious things in my life but I do it to protect them. I might suffer in the long run but it should not affect your life. I know I cause hurt but hopefully you may forgive me one day or not. It's not nice to have you associate with a nasty person like me. I know you might hate me but I behave in order to protect those I really care about. I know one will understand but remember I am proud you are and have become. I want you to be brave and stand tall in front of others. (Hint: Kissle-whistle). My life might be hard but I so proud of these precious things in my life. I cry as I write this but be strong and look after each other. I cry tears as I write this. :,,,,,(

 

[sahel]

I read some of your past stories, I am so sorry for the way you feel, but at the same time, humbled by simply seeing someone caring about others this much, while they are not in good position by themselves. I read in one of your stories saying something about karma, I am glad to know that you believe in karma, and I wish the good karma of what you've done and what you are doing come back to your life very soon, you should be proud of what you are doing

 

[Unknown_111]

I read some of your past stories, I am so sorry for the way you feel, but at the same time, humbled by simply seeing someone caring about others this much, while they are not in good position by themselves. I read in one of your stories saying something about karma, I am glad to know that you believe in karma, and I wish the good karma of what you've done and what you are doing come back to your life very soon, you should be proud of what you are doing

Thank you for your kind words. I write what I feel and do in order to show others that life is about living and no matter what hits you, there is a point in living life. I care because no matter what you are or where you from we are humans and should live in harmony. I only give back because it the right thing to do and I might been seen as an awful person.

My wounds will never heal but the help I give helps me and gives me a purpose in living. When you are at the lowest point of your life, you need to find the strength and determination from within and continue to live life.

My story continues.......

 

[Unknown_111]

Last night I cried like I never did. The tears of sorrow crashed like waves against the sea rocks. My boat of life was nearly sinking but I managed to compose myself to get up and live.

I met my homeless friend who was angry in that his belongings had been stolen or deposed off by the local enforcement team. Naturally he was angry and I comforted him by stating we can start again. I cheered him by giving him some smokes. He cheered up and to laughed by stating at least he has some smokes to calm him down. I thought if he live with nothing and so can I.

My mindset is very fragile at the moment but I did deep to move forward on a day by day basis. I cry for the hurt caused and impossible promise I made. I will do it as I am determined. Thank you reading and I wish you a safe day. XXX

 

[Petal]

Awww, well done for calming that homeless guy down. You truly are one in a million. You have my respect. Everything you do is so selfless, so make sure you look after YOU too. I hope your friend is alright and is having an okay day and you too hun! Have a lovely day and its good to cry once in a while

 

[Unknown_111]

I so down today but yesterday I gave breakfast and cake to two homeless ladies. One of them was the lady for whom I brought trainers last year. She appreciated it. Someone mocked me about do a selfless act of kindness. He mocked me knowing that they claimed $3000 dollars under false pretences for a fake injury. They judge me for spending $5 dollars and 5 cents. You don't know what matters until reach rock bottom. I care about others as when you have money, you need to give back to the less fortunate ones. My story continues..... Be safe and thank you reading this until the next time..

 

[Unknown_111]

Last night, I went back into the local town and brought smokes for the homeless. It cost me merely $7.90 but the genuine care shown to others is my nature. I have earned respect but I don't deserve this respect as l consider myself lowlife. You folk might disagree as I rattle on about the hurt caused. It's like the same record playing over and over. I cry asI write this as I get upset over the same matter. I just hope someday, I will be forgiven but I doubt that. The tears of hurt are not for me but for the thirty party. Why do I feel so remorseful? It's a question that I pose myself time after time. The simple answer is that I care. Surely, caring is a sign of remorsefulness and how many more times do I need to answer the question. I truly want to verbally contact the thirty party but I do not want to bring any bad memories or create any unnecessary duress. I will have to live with unforgiving guilt until I draw my last breath on this planet. I hope one day, I might be forgiven. I know I am repeating myself but this passage will help me to move on or remind me the struggle I face everyday for the rest of life. I will help others as that's my main aim in life now. I might prepare for my last days of life but I will keep doing good deeds for others. I will let strangers judge me knowing I trying to regain my self-respect.

 

[Unknown_111]

I broke down today severely but it was the strain to survive the day. I wanted to do something stupid but again I decided that I would fight for my right to life. I know that I have to live with the fact I really hurt the third party everyday and I deserve everything I suffer now. I want to put things right and apologise for hurt I caused this third party but the only way I know is by writing my feelings down and helping others. If I can survive my strong urges, so can YOU. I still hold on to these three fingers on to the mountain of life. My mental is still very fragile especially after two years on this site. Pease be strong for yourself and your loved ones as we can all can survive.

My story will continue until I draw my last breath.....

 

[Unknown_111]

I broke down severely yesterday as I am scared for myself that these are my last few days of life. How can such one human being have an affect on another's life. I feel that I am Imprisoned in my own hell even though I walk freely among others. Even things, I touch or people I speak to seems to disintegrate into sands. People who I talk to seem to wish me to burn into hell. Perhaps I am loosing the sense of reality and trying to build steps to move forward but they seem to be taken from me as I head towards the gates of hell. Many others may think I deserve to die, which I totally understand and have empathy with, but please let me do some good in order to redeem some self-respect. I have no self-respect as I was compared to something horrible and until I can apologise I will always be labelled like that. They if the label fits, then it sticks. So it be but I hope when others reads this, I have through hell and back to reach to where I am now. As, I write this I feel a very burden of guilt and just want to end it all. But yesterday, I some how found a new source of strength to live, just like someone injected a new release of life. I admit I did wrong, I did do the promise which nearly cost me my life but also two years of life. Would I do it again, I ask myself?? The answer is yes, as I deserved everything I got but do I really deserve to die for falling for someone as I really cared. I know now, I will have to live with the guilt for the rest of life until I draw my last breath. I cry all the time but not for myself but the hurt I caused. I will live but my story will continue..... My future is not important but helping others is my future and my karma.

 

[Unknown_111]

I am compelled to write again. I completely crashed last night, the tears of sorrow really rolled down. Yesterday, meant to be a special day but I decided to cry all night. Again, like most days, I crashed to the floor but I got up again. I am still gripping to the mountain of life by three fingers but sometimes I feel that I am loosing the grip. My life is meaningless and will be until I can properly say sorry. I have no self-respect left for myself and all my life people have taunted or bullied me. In most cases I have either laughed or cried like a child behind closed doors.

I don't want to go, but I when my time comes for me to die, then I want others to read this and realise I did suffer everyday and life was not a bed of roses. It was like walking on the thorns and my feet bleeding the blood of hurt that runs through my body everyday. I know these are my remaining living days but I want to do some good. I feel guilt everyday and I will live like that until my last breath.

 

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday was a terrible day as someone was harsh with words in a nasty way. The underlying hate shown in the remark made me crash again. I had to compose myself and continue the day with no self-respect. I went to the town last night and met a woman who was trying to raise $25 dollars for a bed. I told her that I respect her and handed over $10 dollars. Like the others, the smile was priceless and that's what life is about, simply helping others. On my way, I met a chap who was living on the street and needed some money. He told me his story and I felt sorry. I gave him $5 dollars and he showed me respect. I had to walk away as I deserve no respect as I have no self-respect for myself. I cried again but compose myself as I have been through some many episodes of crying not for myself but for the hurt caused. I keep screaming in my head "I want to die" for what I did but at the same time I want to live. I am scared but I live on a day by day basis not knowing whether I am going to be here the next day. This sort of feeling will never go away when someone has your life dangling like a "puppet on a string". The mental strain of not knowing is immense and something I am to live with everyday. My story continues.......

 

[sahel]

You are a very kind and caring person, even knowing that people like you exist in this world is heart warming. I really wish you find happiness in your life as well, I hope you smile just like those you bring smile on their faces. Because you do deserve it

 

[Unknown_111]

You are a very kind and caring person, even knowing that people like you exist in this world is heart warming. I really wish you find happiness in your life as well, I hope you smile just like those you bring smile on their faces. Because you do deserve it

Thank you for your nice words. You have just saved my life as I have crashed severely today after some harsh words.

 

[Unknown_111]

Whilst, I write this someone said some harsh words which made me cry and caused me to crash harshly. The person had had pleasure in say it. The torment of these harsh words were not nice and it was not nice. I hope the person realises that life is about living in harmony and NOT HOLDING GRUDGES. If you hurt someone, you must apologise and hope you are forgiven.

This morning I helped a homeless person and he said I was a good person. Tonight, I broke down severely to my knees just now banging my hands to the floor hoping and screaming at the top of my voice, I want to die.... (I am sorry if this causes triggers) . I am gutless as could not do anything as the impossible promise is what I have to live for. I know I deserve to die according to a lot of people but I want to live. I know I deserve the worst but life is about helping other. I am naive and very gullible.

I have dry eye ducts now as the crying helped me to release my emotions built from last couple of hours. I know I am going to get what I deserve but one day people will understand how remorseful I was and sorry I am going to be for a long time. I want to live but sometimes you come close to the edge. I still am gripping on by three fingers with inner grit and I determined to live life.

 

[Petal]

hope you are okay hun, you ARE a good person, I hope one day you will realise that. You have a huge impact on the people you meet with and I am sure they are appreciative of it. keep doing good hun s*

 

[Unknown_111]

hope you are okay hun, you ARE a good person, I hope one day you will realise that. You have a huge impact on the people you meet with and I am sure they are appreciative of it. keep doing good hun s*

Thank you Petal. I appreciate you describing as a good person but I suffer from servere low esteem issues and this stems from bullying over the years. On many occasions, I upset a lot of people and always say sorry. Yesterday, I upset a young chap who threatened me and I assessed the situation. In the end, I apologised as I thought I was going to get beaten up. I so scared but managed to getaway within a inch of my life. I always apologise if I say something or do something wrong. I was a good person once but my emotions get the best of me and I barley scale from sticky situation by apologising. I deserve everything I get as a lot people hate me at present and I live on a day by day basis. I will struggle and continue to struggle until I am forgiven for the hurt I caused. I'm nothing special but trying to correct things I done wrong. I true believer in what goes around comes around. I am truly suffering whilst others gleam at my plight. People who like playing mind games need to realise the consequences of their actions. My life might in bits but I continue to struggle to live another day. Personally, people might think I'm mental but can someone describe or define what is a normal person?

My story will continue .......

 

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday, I endure mental torture from people who hate me. The hate shown really hurt me and people liked to tormenting. My mental state took its toll as I could not see any point in living. I will complete the impossible promise which I live for . I cry the torment I suffer everyday for those who wish me dead or want to suffer everyday for the rest of my life. I hope I achieve will the impossible as it important to me. I have lost my self-respect as I let my haters hate me but life is not about hurting but been strong.

Yesterday, I tried to move forward but yet again I failed. I helped some people but others hate me. I expect no sympathy as I really do not deserve it but thanks to this site which saved my life, I will help others reach the light even though the rest of life remains in darkness. I still grip to life by my three fingers but I can only live in hope that I survive and perhaps be forgiven for what I did and became..... I only live for the promise...

 

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday, I was mentally taunted by someone who likes to torment me but I stood my ground verbally. Controlling one anger is very important as life is about getting on with life and helping others. I learnt from past experiences that you should control your anger but offering the olive branch and always apologising for any hurt or duress caused. I use to fight with the third-party but I would apologise profusely for any hurt caused. I know I hurt this third-party in a very bad way but I am not seeking any forgiveness but just truly want apologise for the hurt I caused. I know that I would completely breakdown and cry forever. I can only express the sadness I feel in words and not in a physical sense. I know I caused hurt but I would never hurt the third-party as if I was in the same shoes, I would have done the same thing. I totally understand what the promise was about. I completed the promise as I kept my word and it proved to be that I did care. It taught me that life is important and it's about helping any fellow human being. I just hope when others read this they hate me less and realise some people learn from their mistakes. I have paid a heavy price but I will help as much as I can. My time will come but like I say on many occasions, I want to leave a legacy on this site.

YOU CAN SURVIVE ANYTHING BUT HAVE TO FIND AND FIGHT FOR THE DESIRE TO LIVE.

As ever, thank you reading my passage and let me be the reason for you living your life. My story continues as struggle through my darkness in this place called earth....

 

[Unknown_111]

Today, I had a terrible in that two haters tried to hurt me mentally but I stood my ground. I was told to shut up. I felt the hurt but I'm determined to live my life until my day comes. I cried on the way home knowing what hurt is as I feel it very day. I will endure the pain everyday. If I have endure pain, then so be it. I get to live another day.

 

[Unknown_111]

I survived and s person smile by being cheeky. I apologised for cheekiness by smiling and giving them so chocolates. They smiled and appreciated it. I made someone smile and that's what is important about life. It made my day.