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Was dreading 40... Now I'm approaching 43!

#1
In 2017 I was dreading turning 40, next week I'm turning 43 and just feel this sense of dread. I'm alone, I can't ever imagine sharing my life with anyone. Friends are not local so I'm isolated, here it's just me caring for my elderly dad.

I'm stuck in a property that makes my mental health worse and I've reached a part of my life where the future just looks bleak.
 

Daphna

Ninja of light
#2
In 2017 I was dreading turning 40, next week I'm turning 43 and just feel this sense of dread. I'm alone, I can't ever imagine sharing my life with anyone. Friends are not local so I'm isolated, here it's just me caring for my elderly dad.

I'm stuck in a property that makes my mental health worse and I've reached a part of my life where the future just looks bleak.
You’ve made it to forty-three! Congrats. May I ask why you dread the future? I admit that the unknown can be scary, but good things can be waiting for you. Bless you for caring for your elderly dad. That’s an honorable thing to do.
 

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#3
Hello :)
I'm thinking the suggestion here is that 43 is so over the hill that you can never find anyone to spend time with but you're not exactly pushing up daisies here *rofl
Okay, really though - I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated from your friends. I can't tell where you're from when reading the couple of posts I've read of yours but how far apart are you guys (close enough to visit? only close enough to video call?) (Are you a UKer maybe?)
What is going on with your property that's making things difficult? I assume this is where you live with your father?
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#4
In 2017 I was dreading turning 40, next week I'm turning 43 and just feel this sense of dread. I'm alone, I can't ever imagine sharing my life with anyone. Friends are not local so I'm isolated, here it's just me caring for my elderly dad.

I'm stuck in a property that makes my mental health worse and I've reached a part of my life where the future just looks bleak.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#5
In 2017 I was dreading turning 40, next week I'm turning 43 and just feel this sense of dread. I'm alone, I can't ever imagine sharing my life with anyone. Friends are not local so I'm isolated, here it's just me caring for my elderly dad.

I'm stuck in a property that makes my mental health worse and I've reached a part of my life where the future just looks bleak.
Caring for an elderly parent is stressful and isolating. It can make you feel like you're going crazy, especially if there are multiple illnesses. How's his health? Is he generally in a good mood? That can effect you too.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#6
In 2017 I was dreading turning 40, next week I'm turning 43 and just feel this sense of dread. I'm alone, I can't ever imagine sharing my life with anyone. Friends are not local so I'm isolated, here it's just me caring for my elderly dad.

I'm stuck in a property that makes my mental health worse and I've reached a part of my life where the future just looks bleak.
After caring for my mother, she had blood cancer and Alzheimers, now we are able to work full time again. There isn't that constant pressure of meals, weekly bath, doctors appointments, diapers, and of course just general love.
 

FFurry

SF Supporter
#7
I'm stuck in a property that makes my mental health worse and I've reached a part of my life where the future just looks bleak.
Being in a similar situation, I can identify. My parents are still together and getting by, but what if (or should I say when) one of them passes on? The other will be despondent and alone. I guess I'm quite selfish in thinking mainly of the burden on me as a result, especially since I'd have to switch coasts if I were to become a caretaker. They may well need help to live and there's nobody else to step up to do this.

Aside from sending their aging parents off to nursing homes, how do people deal with this? This may again be my selfishness, but I've got my hands full just trying to handle daily life and survive somehow. I couldn't handle additional burdens.
 
#8
You’ve made it to forty-three! Congrats. May I ask why you dread the future? I admit that the unknown can be scary, but good things can be waiting for you. Bless you for caring for your elderly dad. That’s an honorable thing to do.
Hello :)
I'm thinking the suggestion here is that 43 is so over the hill that you can never find anyone to spend time with but you're not exactly pushing up daisies here *rofl
Okay, really though - I'm sorry you're feeling so isolated from your friends. I can't tell where you're from when reading the couple of posts I've read of yours but how far apart are you guys (close enough to visit? only close enough to video call?) (Are you a UKer maybe?)
What is going on with your property that's making things difficult? I assume this is where you live with your father?
Caring for an elderly parent is stressful and isolating. It can make you feel like you're going crazy, especially if there are multiple illnesses. How's his health? Is he generally in a good mood? That can effect you too.
Thanks guy for all your responses.

Firstly I live alone but close to my dad who I see everyday. We never use to get on but therapy helped me repaired our difficult relationship. His health is mostly affected due to poor mobility, I deal with things like his shopping, money, prescriptions as well as taking him to appointments. To some extent while this makes me a carer I do have it easier than some people. I also cared for my mum from the age of 14 until she died 11 years ago. I've gone from caring for one parent to another...

My dad lives in his own 1-bedroom flat and is rather content but does live with a lot of pain.

Being a carer is I feel more difficult when your dealing with your own mental health issues.

As for my housing... Where do I start...

I live in a flat but I have an extreme sensitivity to noise and my flat is built like tissue paper so there is a lot of noise. I've had problems with 2 out of three tenants above me making excessive noise but now have a quiet neighbour who is really nice. But it's the slightest noise which triggers me, doors slamming, shouting, footsteps, dogs barking, children running across floors for hours is especially difficult. This all stems from when I was a victim of a antisocial behaviour 15+ years ago which went on for 4 years, it triggered my mental health issues, left me suicidal and I also ended up leaving a well paid job. I've never really been able to deal with it, was told I had PTSD by a private psychiatrist but it's never been addressed.

I've been trying to move for 9 years but get no priority on the housing register. I did raise a complaint and basically due to the fact I am not supported by mental health services means the housing won't re-assess my housing needs or band I'm in, clear discrimination. I make regular bids for suitable properties but whilst I'm shortlisted due to being on the list 9 years I never get offers because others in a higher band beat me to it.

I feel before much longer, I'll be leaving this home in a wooden box because I can't take much more of it. I've tried everything, my old care coordinator even wrote a letter of support last year for the housing but they refused to accept it, even though they actually asked me to provide a letter of support in the first time.
 

Daphna

Ninja of light
#9
Thanks guy for all your responses.

Firstly I live alone but close to my dad who I see everyday. We never use to get on but therapy helped me repaired our difficult relationship. His health is mostly affected due to poor mobility, I deal with things like his shopping, money, prescriptions as well as taking him to appointments. To some extent while this makes me a carer I do have it easier than some people. I also cared for my mum from the age of 14 until she died 11 years ago. I've gone from caring for one parent to another...

My dad lives in his own 1-bedroom flat and is rather content but does live with a lot of pain.

Being a carer is I feel more difficult when your dealing with your own mental health issues.

As for my housing... Where do I start...

I live in a flat but I have an extreme sensitivity to noise and my flat is built like tissue paper so there is a lot of noise. I've had problems with 2 out of three tenants above me making excessive noise but now have a quiet neighbour who is really nice. But it's the slightest noise which triggers me, doors slamming, shouting, footsteps, dogs barking, children running across floors for hours is especially difficult. This all stems from when I was a victim of a antisocial behaviour 15+ years ago which went on for 4 years, it triggered my mental health issues, left me suicidal and I also ended up leaving a well paid job. I've never really been able to deal with it, was told I had PTSD by a private psychiatrist but it's never been addressed.

I've been trying to move for 9 years but get no priority on the housing register. I did raise a complaint and basically due to the fact I am not supported by mental health services means the housing won't re-assess my housing needs or band I'm in, clear discrimination. I make regular bids for suitable properties but whilst I'm shortlisted due to being on the list 9 years I never get offers because others in a higher band beat me to it.

I feel before much longer, I'll be leaving this home in a wooden box because I can't take much more of it. I've tried everything, my old care coordinator even wrote a letter of support last year for the housing but they refused to accept it, even though they actually asked me to provide a letter of support in the first time.
Sorry for taking so long to respond. I can only offer prayers for you. I do know that here in the USA you can be paid through certain companies to care for elderly family. Is there anything like that where you live?
 

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