Waves of mix emotions. Would love to talk to someone

[Lestat]

Hi everyone. I am going through something right now that is causing many mixed emotions. My partner lied to me, but this lie isn't the cheating type or anything, it is a lie that could really ruin my life. As soon as I was told I ended the relationship that I had been in for 1 year 6 months.

Now I am in this mixed emotion of being scared because of the lie... and the relationship I was very happy in ending.

2 days of little sleep and being sick. I come here because I have for many years in some form or the other. I have had help here and given it.

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I miss her like crazy. I feel so let down and angry, but I do love her.

I am trying so very hard to not even let suicide thoughts come into my head. I can feel them, but I don't want it. I have applied to go into a crisis house I have been in in the past, but that could take weeks or months if I even get accepted.

Anyway, I know many people post here but if people have an ear they could lend and some advice I would be very grateful.

 

[Winter Blues]

Dear Lestat, I am so sorry you are feeling this way and beg you to stay strong. I don’t know your story, I’ve only been on the site for a few weeks but I do understand why you have come back here at this time. The people on this site are the best and there will be others far better qualified than me to respond to your post. It’s simply horrible when people lie to you and more so when it’s someone close. Please keep talking here. Sending you a huge hug x

 

[Lestat]

Thank you. Yes this please has saved me many harsh situations. My first time I came here thinking it was a place to get suicide tips and was very angry it wasn't... but in the end they helped me even though I did attempt. It is so helpful and I think in helping others we help ourselves also. I found that anyway.

I have not cried for so long now. Many years. I think I need to but it scares me. I am not sure why it scares me. I am not sure how to even cry really.

I still cant believe my partner lied to me. So much time of my life wasted now and I feel that I am at the end of trying to find love. Friends tell me I will find someone because I am good at finding people... but, I don't feel I can trust now as I have been lied to by someone I 100% trusted.

 

[Winter Blues]

Crying is so hard at times - and dare I say it - harder for English men. But it can also be necessary and part of our healing process. There is no shame in crying, although I know sometimes we fear we will never be able to stop once we start. Have you tried talking to this friend who has so badly let you down, or tried to explain how they have made you feel. Stay on this site please, keep talking about your story. You will receive so much support - right now when you so badly need it xx

 

[Lestat]

Yes, maybe it is something about how I was raised... I don't know. I have cried so few times in my adult life.

I cant talk to my ex sadly. I cant even explain to them what they did as it is something that I think they understand but they cant change it and I don't think we can fix it. Things are just over now and we have to move on.

Sadly some lies are too big and too scary to every get over. They also have consequences sometimes. So now I am scared for myself and getting over a once perfect relationship and all the dreams and futures that were imagined to come from it.

 

[Cagla]

Hey, I do not know your story. And as I see this lie affected you a lot that you mentioned it would ruin your life. So it must be a big deal as I see.
However I have no idea, I just want to ask you if you let me, if you love and miss her this much, can't you try to think again. I mean maybe you should talk to her again why she did lie and if she did know the results of her lying.
And for the other part of the thread....crying is an expression but you know people express feelings in different ways. Some compose music, some write, some just cry etc..it is not the only way. You can write and tell your feelings. If you can cry it will be a relief but sometimes brain finds any other way easier or better. It doesn't mean you will never cry. It is just a matter of time see? I have a friend and he does not cry at all. He has not cried for literally 13 years. But I know he is not a stone hearted mechanics. He is very deep in fact. He just chose not to cry after seeing bad things in family. So it is just an example that shows brain has a reason to choose this way. But when it finds a way, am sure you will both cry like me, I am a crybaby
I hope you are doing better. If not, I can only share your sadness with you.
She lied to you, he rejected me, life is both beautiful and shitty(sorry)

 

[Winter Blues]

Yes, maybe it is something about how I was raised... I don't know. I have cried so few times in my adult life.

I cant talk to my ex sadly. I cant even explain to them what they did as it is something that I think they understand but they cant change it and I don't think we can fix it. Things are just over now and we have to move on.

Sadly some lies are too big and too scary to every get over. They also have consequences sometimes. So now I am scared for myself and getting over a once perfect relationship and all the dreams and futures that were imagined to come from it.

Hi Lestat, can you say more about the lie. Why are Yiu scare, because of the lie itself or because of the breakup ? Stay strong, stay on this site. Please . Folk will listen and care hugely x

 

[Endlessagony]

I still cant believe my partner lied to me. So much time of my life wasted now and I feel that I am at the end of trying to find love. Friends tell me I will find someone because I am good at finding people... but, I don't feel I can trust now as I have been lied to by someone I 100% trusted.

I'm in the same boat as you, my ex turned out to be a liar and the trust is gone. I'm struggling really hard to let go of her as we were very tight. My friends also say to me that there are plenty of fish in the sea and that you'll find someone much better before you know it, I can't believe any of that. Right now I'm trying to just keep myself together and learn to co-exist with my fears. It's a slow grind and some days I'm at the bottom of my pit. I keep my head above water by posting here and talking with people (as much as my anxieties allow me).

All of this has made me realize I can't put that much trust in someone else, I can't rely on anyone else for my own happiness. It's just really hard to accept as I have a deep need for companionship and this is uncharted waters I'm in. Stay strong and keep fighting, there will be better days ahead.

 

[Lestat]

Hi, yes I do care for her a lot. I really do wish I could explain but right now it would not be right to do it on here. I have talked to her and in a friendly way. I do understand why she lied and as much as I can forgive her, I do. It sadly doesn't change much apart from make things a tiny bit harder as I think it would be easier to hate her and to want her forevermore out of my life.... but I think the lie has hurt her very much too. I do not think anything can fix things, at least not for many years if ever. Somethings you just do not lie about.

I liked what you said about crying. I still have not cried, and until I read your comment I was thinking I was broken somehow... I do feel it sometimes... and a movie sometimes gets me on the edge of tearing up when they play that sad music and something happens... but it never turns into crying.
Maybe I am just not a person who cries. We are all different... Human yes, but maybe some of us just have other ways of dealing. I will think about this more as it has been playing on my mind.

Thank you

 

[Lestat]

Ok. What I will say is that the lie has legal issues related to it. These legal issues could be life changing for myself and her I think. I had no idea about it all and because of that and only finding out now it has really scared me. So I am very scared about them and added to the amazing relationship now ending it is a big mix of emotions that I do not know how to deal with. The fear and heartache is a lot to deal with.

 

[Lestat]

Yes, I think we can both relate to this a lot. I have gone through 2 breakups now on here... Maybe 3. One thing I have learnt is that a relationship ending isnt really that. A relationship is like a person and when it ends that person dies. So it is like a death. You have lost the dreams and future you imagined and everything that came from that. Now that this person/relationship is dead we are left with memories and "what-might-have-been" just like when a person dies.

This place has helped me many times now. I have no idea how I would have got through some times without it.

Anxiety and depression is normal in these situations. Talking and friendships are what can fix us and make things easier. Sometimes great things come from these situations.... I swear. You meet new people and you LEARN from the shit times. It changes you... and when you look back you look back on someone without these experiences and think "I am glad I learnt from this". I did anyway.

It doesnt make things easier though. Right now I can barely get out of bed and if not for my dog I dont think I would. I feel bad for my dog right now...
I hope you can get through this. If you ever need a chat PM me.

 

[Winter Blues]

Dear Lestat, to have someone really close to you break your trust and let you down is the worse thing ever. But I am glad you have managed to talk to her about it as I personally think this is part of the healing process. As is forgiveness but I fully understand that the depth of forgiveness must surely depend on what that person has done. Time helps but that is so hard to believe when we are going through the hell created.. I am glad to hear you have a dog. I definitely wouldnt be here if it wasn’t for my dogs. They have a special way of helping with the healing that is just quiet, loyal and loving. Take great care and keep talking here xx

 

[Lestat]

Thank you. I feel like I am letting down my dog sadly... I am unable to leave my house so he has to just do with being let out in my garden. I do worry about him.

So today I talked to a doctor and a CPN I have. I got very paranoid with them as I find it very hard to talk about and I didnt really explain. I just do not trust them. They will try to get me into a Crisis House again which I think would be good... but, I have a Dog and getting help with him being looked after is hard as he has attachment issues. So this is stress and something that worries me as last time many places would not take him after a day as he cried all night.

Anyway, I will try. I feel better today as I have some medication called Diazepam and it is working. I do worry I will become dependent on it as I did many years ago... but the last time I took it I was aware and didnt. I hope I can do the same this time.

 

[Winter Blues]

Thank you. I feel like I am letting down my dog sadly... I am unable to leave my house so he has to just do with being let out in my garden. I do worry about him.

So today I talked to a doctor and a CPN I have. I got very paranoid with them as I find it very hard to talk about and I didnt really explain. I just do not trust them. They will try to get me into a Crisis House again which I think would be good... but, I have a Dog and getting help with him being looked after is hard as he has attachment issues. So this is stress and something that worries me as last time many places would not take him after a day as he cried all night.

Anyway, I will try. I feel better today as I have some medication called Diazepam and it is working. I do worry I will become dependent on it as I did many years ago... but the last time I took it I was aware and didnt. I hope I can do the same this time.

I'm on the same medicine .. I'm sure it will help. Is there any family member or friend who can help with your dog? What breed is he? He will be fine using the garden for a while. I truly think he will understand your pain. Keep talking, please and take care X

 

[Lestat]

Hey, sorry for the late reply. Lots going on and I didn't check my mail.
I am trying to find someone. Family might be able to, but the whole reason I have him is my family couldn't take care of him so I adopted him. Maybe for a short time... I hope so if I can get it.

I have a meeting today that might get me in this place. It is crazy how sometimes you need to be really bad to get help... Almost makes you want to make things seem worse than they are. Things are bad for me, but I do worry they are not bad enough for them to help me this time.

My dog is also sick right now. I feel like everything around me is sick in some way. My anxiety is better than it was. I am able to sleep better with these meds now. Anyway, thank you. It is nice to see a reply here I hope you are well

 

[Winter Blues]

Hi good to hear from you. How did your meeting go? X

 

[otakuwarren]

Hang in there. I just watched YouTube and saw much worse hellish situations. Perhaps you can do the same the point being to still feel appreciative and feel better even the slightest way.