Weight Loss Negatively

[FrainBart]

So for the last few months I have been extremely stressed about finances, and slipping into my depression again. I am fighting it, but I know I'm still treading waater with it.

Due to the financial stress, I've not been eating very well for a variety of reasons: The stress physically making it impossible to eat anything (feels like I am choking when I try to eat), loss of appetite and choosing not to eat, in fear that if I do my daughter will not have anything to eat (basically ensuring my daughter can eat for the rest of the week/until payday).

So with my bare minimal eating I've lost a bit of actual weight (as in my physical size is decreasing, but scales are at the same for me). While seeing myself fitting into some smaller clothes is amazing, I know its not for the right reasons.
But I'm getting positive affirmation (and some negative fat girl comments)over my weight loss. and it becoming more about achieving that look than anything else. There have been times where I know I can eat a proper meal but choose a slice of toast. There have been times where I feel hungry, but I will fill up on water.

Honestly I do not know what to do with myself right now. My work colleagues keep complimenting me on my weight loss, then asking me how I'm doing it, then telling me I can't be doing that. Its not good for you. Then there are others who compliment me and then tell mee you're doing great but you've still got a long way to go.

Then there are customers who are regulars, who have noticed, and they've said I'm looking much better... then follow it up with you're still fat. or You're still a fatty. The way those commments hurts enforces the idea that I should just stop eating altogether, because clearly when I'm not eating I'm losing weight, and when I'm losing weight people are complimenting me and making me feel good, and when I eat people tell me how fat I am and I am so tired of being fat that perhaps it'll be worth it in the end.

Edit: My physical health is starting to suffer with weakness, dizzyness, fatigue etc, so while I know its not good for me, my head is telling me they are all minor, cant get something for nothing /edit

Honestly I don't know what the purpose really of this thread, maybe to get it off my chest and feel better about not having me weighed down, or just some advice. I know its a muddle (sorry for that), but if you read, thank you, if not then I dunno.

TL;DR I'm losing weigh by not eating properly, the weightloss feels good, reaffirming me to not eating, and the negative size comments further reaffirms it.

 

[dtc]

It's always good to just get things off your chest, so hopefully that's help at least in a little way. It must be hard hearing those comments, I can't believe how rude some people are. For mine, the bottom line has to be about you being healthy, and starving yourself probably isn't going to do that for you. It makes things much harder when money is tight and you need to make sure your daughter eats, but ideally she should be learning good eating habits off you.

I'm sure you've heard all this before so sorry I can't give you any short simple answers to help, there's a science guy here who everytime I hear him answers a question on food says 'eat food; not too much; mostly plants' seems pretty sensible to me.

Take care

 

[FrainBart]

The comments bother me a lot, because I've become more self conscious recently, I actually want to start looking good in the hopes that it will help me feel good. But because I am making an effort in my appearance I am more aware and worried that I look stupid (eg make up, I wore to worrk and a colleague/friend laughed at me, resulting in me not wearing any make up again).
While I know it is as simple as just eating I just worry that the moment I start eating properly all that weight that has gone is just going to appear immediately and then the comments will just keep coming.

I don't waant to be this size, I want to be back to a healthy size and look good. I'm not doing it for anyone other than myself (and my daughter) But the negative comments really make me feel worthless.

 

[dtc]

Just remember is says more about them than it does you. If they're that insecure that they need to say horrible things to someone else to make themselves feel better, they must have some serious issues that they're failing to deal with.

It's great that you want to be healthier for yourself and your daughter, at the end of the day they should be the two most important people in your life, so putting them first in what you do is the right thing.