I hate my life. I make less than 30k a year at my retail job that I am stuck in. I'm 34 years old and still single with no kids. Both my parents are dead and the only family I have left is my older sister. My only friend lives hundreds of miles away from me. I have numerous health problems related to my intestines which greatly interfere with my life. I've no real passion for really anything anymore. I'm an alcoholic as well. I want to quit but I simply can't especially not on my own. I no longer have any passion for anything. Even though I had passion in my youth. Now that I am this age it seems like this is all I will have to look forward to till the day of a natural death many years from now. I don't want to endure the suffering that all those years will bring. I want an end to my life. Sooner rather than later.
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Well, after so many years, I didn't think I'd need this forum again.
- Thread starter JCC988
- Start date
Hi @JCC988 - I know what it's like to leave, and then come back again... (sometimes, even after swearing on all who I hold sacred's life; that I'd "never be back!"). But that's the nice thing about this 'safe place/safe/space/safe haven.' Is that - even if after you've been gone away for awhile: you can still return to it from time to time, over the years, as you need to (or so I have at least found thus far) & hopefully find some comfort in receiving whatever kind of support it is you may need. Some times, I have even been so ravaged & decrepit, is that even the "right-word?" (I don't honestly know--I'd love to be able to tell you that I am joking, so that I could sound a whole lot smarter than I am. . . but?) let's say desolate, then: I have been so down & out, and almost to the point of being incapable of functioning completely & so comprehensively. That I can't even on here speak; or 'type,' as it were. So I am just thus, then able to only "read." And sometimes that serves as a catalyst, other times it does not. And so we sit & we wait another season or two (6 mo. X- m/b?) / maybe, Time.
Anyway, getting back to you & not to bore you further w/my back story! Yes, I remember your name, and your face, from before around here. I am sorry to learn of & hear of your current circumstances now - which has all of a sudden (or may be not so suddenly? & as in more "violently," in terms of their aggression or nature w/which they have stormed, & under or overtaken you and your life: now) - Yes, I understand that, based on all you have laid out on the page here. It may very well seem hopeless. Uninspiring. And not fruitful in any way. (one of these days I'm going to have to really look up what that word even really means?) But, I just have a few questions for you--& you don't even have to answer them to or for me, if you don't like, want or wish. Hopefully, you can just have or find the answers to some of them, should they be any of the sorts of things with which you haven't yet traversed in your own conscious thoughts among your personal struggles.
Are you able to improve your situation occupationally? Whether through promotion, or moving on to an alternative option elsewhere? Would this improve your life-outlook? If so, how much? (do you think...) / So you are, for all intents & purposes--"Alone." A lot of us are. Are there ways that are tangible to you, and within range to do anything about this? I understand how difficult this can be, when faced with some of the conditions & other issues that are plaguing you but are there any answers that you can find, so or such that, when you do find the moment of inspiration, you can be further motivated to go out & put some of that passion into play. Not the kind that you previously speaking of, of course, which has now been lost... but? I'm wondering how well traveled those roads of exploration to the options out there that area available to you, which may be dwindling somewhat, given time of year, but none the less. I'd like for you to have something to look forward to. To make you happy. To perk you up, and to give you some energy & that boost in confidence. Whatever that is, or may be. I know it isn't easy, but that also doesn't mean that it is entirely impossible, short of you saying so yourself.
Can you communicate with your sole friend by some other means that is meaningful while not being in person with them?
What active steps would it take for you to begin to seek help for the drinking problem? Is it merely a means of support (necessary)? Like AA. Or obviously, some support to get you to that level of/or kind of "support."
What did you have passion for when you were younger? Have your tastes and interests changed, such that this no longer exists--or is it simply a matter of a flame that has burned or died out? If it is something with which you've outgrown, or simply isn't a realistic option any more, can you then think of what it is that you do find favor with these days? What sparks your curiosity, for interest? Is there something that you can and are or are/would be willing to explore, or venture down (in terms of "rabbit-holes," & whatnot?)?
Yes, you can focus on Death all you'd like. No problem with that. But at the same time, maybe devote a good or decent chunk of the day, or whatever free-time you've got, to also giving this life-thing, a shot as well? What have you really got to lose at this point. If you're only seeing one thing, in terms of direction, and feeling as though the/or those forces are pulling you towards, or that you are compelled (almost as if not by your / own \ control) in that inescapable direction. One of Fate, Destiny & all such other, 'Dooms' as it were. Like we all are w/our Immortality. But will we not surely get there soon enough, one day? And when we do, may we not wish for a do-over of some kind, or a time-out, a miniature "time machine," maybe so that we could go back & try to change things for the better? I guess, like a lot of things in life (& death, so it seems), it (All) just "Depends!" :^)
Anyway, getting back to you & not to bore you further w/my back story! Yes, I remember your name, and your face, from before around here. I am sorry to learn of & hear of your current circumstances now - which has all of a sudden (or may be not so suddenly? & as in more "violently," in terms of their aggression or nature w/which they have stormed, & under or overtaken you and your life: now) - Yes, I understand that, based on all you have laid out on the page here. It may very well seem hopeless. Uninspiring. And not fruitful in any way. (one of these days I'm going to have to really look up what that word even really means?) But, I just have a few questions for you--& you don't even have to answer them to or for me, if you don't like, want or wish. Hopefully, you can just have or find the answers to some of them, should they be any of the sorts of things with which you haven't yet traversed in your own conscious thoughts among your personal struggles.
Are you able to improve your situation occupationally? Whether through promotion, or moving on to an alternative option elsewhere? Would this improve your life-outlook? If so, how much? (do you think...) / So you are, for all intents & purposes--"Alone." A lot of us are. Are there ways that are tangible to you, and within range to do anything about this? I understand how difficult this can be, when faced with some of the conditions & other issues that are plaguing you but are there any answers that you can find, so or such that, when you do find the moment of inspiration, you can be further motivated to go out & put some of that passion into play. Not the kind that you previously speaking of, of course, which has now been lost... but? I'm wondering how well traveled those roads of exploration to the options out there that area available to you, which may be dwindling somewhat, given time of year, but none the less. I'd like for you to have something to look forward to. To make you happy. To perk you up, and to give you some energy & that boost in confidence. Whatever that is, or may be. I know it isn't easy, but that also doesn't mean that it is entirely impossible, short of you saying so yourself.
Can you communicate with your sole friend by some other means that is meaningful while not being in person with them?
What active steps would it take for you to begin to seek help for the drinking problem? Is it merely a means of support (necessary)? Like AA. Or obviously, some support to get you to that level of/or kind of "support."
What did you have passion for when you were younger? Have your tastes and interests changed, such that this no longer exists--or is it simply a matter of a flame that has burned or died out? If it is something with which you've outgrown, or simply isn't a realistic option any more, can you then think of what it is that you do find favor with these days? What sparks your curiosity, for interest? Is there something that you can and are or are/would be willing to explore, or venture down (in terms of "rabbit-holes," & whatnot?)?
Yes, you can focus on Death all you'd like. No problem with that. But at the same time, maybe devote a good or decent chunk of the day, or whatever free-time you've got, to also giving this life-thing, a shot as well? What have you really got to lose at this point. If you're only seeing one thing, in terms of direction, and feeling as though the/or those forces are pulling you towards, or that you are compelled (almost as if not by your / own \ control) in that inescapable direction. One of Fate, Destiny & all such other, 'Dooms' as it were. Like we all are w/our Immortality. But will we not surely get there soon enough, one day? And when we do, may we not wish for a do-over of some kind, or a time-out, a miniature "time machine," maybe so that we could go back & try to change things for the better? I guess, like a lot of things in life (& death, so it seems), it (All) just "Depends!" :^)
welcome @JCC988, it's good you're here.
I am sorry for the circumstances that have brought you to this point. I hope you'll find we're a supportive and peaceful sort-of-family, and that it is safe to talk about whatever you want or need.
What are your ideas about quitting alcohol?
I hope you are taking care to be safe.
Here's a hug if it helps
- s
I am sorry for the circumstances that have brought you to this point. I hope you'll find we're a supportive and peaceful sort-of-family, and that it is safe to talk about whatever you want or need.
What are your ideas about quitting alcohol?
I hope you are taking care to be safe.
Here's a hug if it helps
- s
Welcome back @JCC988 sorry to hear that life is so tough for you, but pleased you reached out to us here. Chronic medical conditions can take their toll. Have you considered moving closer to your friend? Or perhaps looking for a more fulfilling job. I know neither of these are quick or easy solutions but there are always options to help you make changes to your life and hopefully for the better. Perhaps start by writing down any possible options you have and then see if any would be worth pursuing.
In the mean time, please feel free to share here on the forum. Always happy to listen. Sends my hugs. Xx
In the mean time, please feel free to share here on the forum. Always happy to listen. Sends my hugs. Xx
