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Well it's me...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Depressed2death, Oct 5, 2014.

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  1. Depressed2death

    Depressed2death New Member

    I suck at introductions. This is how I ended up here. About ten minutes I typed in google "Suicide methods" and somehow I came here. Actually I'm depressed...I'm depressed to death.. Several days ago my psychiatrist asked me if I'm willing to go to hospital... I've been depressed my whole life. I'm on antidepressants and other pills for about 6 months. I fucked up. I'm dying. I wanted to<mod edit-0 methods> myself today. I'm forever alone...I see no reason to live anymore. I have no idea what I would love to do for a living. I'm sick to death of being judged by people. I have no idea what's wrong with me... all I know that I'm depressed... I'm tired of faking smile. I'm so sad. No idea what to say more. My name is Paulius.
  2. Hey,

    I suck at intros too, and pretty much any other type of social interaction. I probably ended up here pretty close to the same way you did.

    I'd say if you're that bad off, you might want to go to the hospital. I've been there a few times, and while they're not great places to be, sometimes you can find someone there that can help you out. It's a bit of hit and miss, kinda like life, but probably worth a try.

    I would suggest (or maybe guess?) that what's wrong with you is the same thing that's wrong with just about everybody on this planet. (I think there's a few happy ones, that are actually also really decent human beings) ... that being that evolution, more or less by definition tries everything more or less randomly.. so we're all pretty different in a lot of ways, but in a lot of ways, we're also mostly really screwed up. Some of us know it more than others.

    Medical science is a long way off from a fix, but you might find they can help some in the mean time. Also, talking with friends/family/counsellor/psych - people who you can trust, anyway.. can help.

    Just my thoughts
  3. random33

    random33 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, I'm glad you found us. You have clinical depression and one of it's symptoms is hopelessness, that is what you are experiencing now, you don't believe there is a way of the darkeness, that life will never get better, the truth is that it might, follow your doctors advice and see how it goes, you have nothing to lose.

    Depression is sometimes a life long struggle against our selfs, it drains you both physically and mentally, it takes our energy and our joy, but worse it can take away our hope, we start believing that things won't get any better, any hope is lost and all that stays is darkness and pain, at this point we have no energy left to change things and we are in so much pain that we just want to end it, so we start to make excuses on why we should end things, our toughts get twisted, we start believing that we are worthless, that the world would be better off without us, that we are hated by everybody and so on, after hitting this point it is very hard to get out without help, almost impossible, is not a matter of being weak or anything else, the disease simply progressed to a state where we are no longer ourselfs, we no longer see things clearly and the emotional pain becames almost unberable, the good news is that with help we can recover, I wouldn't say fully, at least I never did, but still hope I will, but you can get better to a point where things are clearer, where the pain is less intense and where some energy is recovered, at this point you can fight and you must, some days will be good, others will be terrible still, but we can fight, we can do stuff to help us and some people can keep depression at bay, some people even recover fully, for other like me it may take a longer time, I've had depression for so long, almost 30 years, that my brain, does not know how to function normally, the amount of antidepressants, legal and ilegal drugs that I've consumed over the years didn't help it either, I've had good years and bad years, there were times when I was in self destruct mode, I didn't actively tried suicide, but my behaviour was so reckless that death was always around the corner.

    Not going to lie, this is not easy, not at all, but you can get help, so you should go for it, it may help, it may not, but the only way to know is to try it, even if it does not work, don't lose hope, this is a fight we can win. I wish I could be "cured" completely, to be able to enjoy life once again, to feel my heart full of joy, to wake up with a smile, I don't know if I will get there, but I know that I will keep fighting, I will cry for help when I can't fight by myself and I will be smiling when I'm on my death bed dying of natural causes, hoppefully at old age, because I will knew then that I've won.

    So Paulius do not lose hope, get all the help you can and keep on fighting, we are all here for you.
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