What have I become?

[Dante]

I have had to lower my expectations of myself several times in the past when I failed to live up to my own standards, but something happened to me when I turned 30, something I didnt expect and am still discovering, something I promised I would never do, I grew up. On the very day I turned 30 I dropped a whole load of pre-conceived notions and stubborn convictions I had carried and always thought I would carry. I stopped looking down on internet dating, I started keeping an eye on my physical health, not just my mental health, I took more care in my appearance, I realised I would not at any point particularly enjoy getting completely blackout drunk, I almost completely stopped playing videogames, and certainly stopped getting a sense of achievement from playing them, I started drinking water rather than coke, and today I even bought the ingredients for me to start making myself salads because deep down I really craved a good salad. I even revelled in my good fortune when I found a low-fat version of the salad cream... I have become everything I ever ridiculed, I have become boring.

Damn.

PS. for those worrying, this is a tongue-in-cheek thing, only half of me is disgusted at myself, the other half is oddly proud at my own maturity.

 

[Riley Z.]

I think you should be proud of yourself. It's really hard to break ideas and habits that have been with you from a young age. Indeed, it's mature of you to start doing things that are good for your health, but it's natural that you feel what you call "disgusted." Humans aren't really good at dealing with any sort of change, especially when it's hard to recognize who we see in the mirror. But, you might start to get used to it and, in the end, you'll look back and be proud of the choices you made. It's always good to start sooner rather than later so you can see the health benefits when you need it the most later on. I also find that "boring" is often safe. Much rather be healthy and boring than someone's idea of "exciting" and end up regretting it horribly.

Congrats!

 

[foreverforgotten]

I turned 39 thus year and had the exact same revelation..it doesn't make me as annoyed with myself as I thought though..the world IS crazier and harder. So I can't be mad at myself for feeling tired and just wanting a simpler life right now..

 

[foreverforgotten]

Oops my bad im *30. It don't let me edit lol

 

[Dante]

I turned 30 thus year and had the exact same revelation..it doesn't make me as annoyed with myself as I thought though..the world IS crazier and harder. So I can't be mad at myself for feeling tired and just wanting a simpler life right now..

Its so strange, age is just a number (with few obvious exceptions) so going from 29 to 30 shouldnt make any real difference, but I have felt like I aged 10 years, not 1. The funny part is what I heard from others was the exact opposite, that as you age you realise there isnt one single moment you "grow up" you have to do it yourself... well, WRONG, it appears you "grow up" at 30.

 

[foreverforgotten]

Its so strange, age is just a number (with few obvious exceptions) so going from 29 to 30 shouldnt make any real difference, but I have felt like I aged 10 years, not 1. The funny part is what I heard from others was the exact opposite, that as you age you realise there isnt one single moment you "grow up" you have to do it yourself... well, WRONG, it appears you "grow up" at 30.

Yeah I have come to a lot of realizations. Many uncomfortable. About my future, my moms future( I'm her caregiver), where I will live, what I'll do for a living. How I'll survive, nursing homes, etc..
I'm trying to adopt the strategy of not caring as much anymore and just living and doing what I want while I'm alive.. Without worrying anymore because I'm already off the main beaten trail in life anyways. I took a rabbit trail long ago I guess Idk..
But yeah..that didn't really start until this year for me.. 30 is a kick in the butt lol

 

[foreverforgotten]

Also when I say do what I want in life, I mean within reason. With my financial means. I can't travel the world or get a degree. Hut I cannot give a crap if others see me as a loser I'm struggling so hard and doing my best. That haven't lived my life. So yeah, I guess lowering my expectations of myself a little..