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what one was, will never be

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by mistakes, Jan 31, 2013.

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  1. mistakes

    mistakes New Member

    i don't want my life anymore, this sounds pathetic i know, but what sounds beyond pathetic is for the reason that has caused me to feel this way, which i don't want to elaborate on but its done and cannot be undone and my constant thoughts of wanting to go back and knowing i cant, trigger these self destructive thoughts that cloud my mind and effect my whole way of life, paranoia and anxiety have become an everyday thing which i cant take anymore, and not wanting my life anymore shows how much i don't even deserve a life, there is so much out there that people have suffered that's way greater then my problem and things could also be so much worse for me and i am not grateful is pathetic

    i have everything in my life i could ask for i am only 24 years young, the only family i have are 2 brothers and my parents and they are great, i couldn't of asked for better ones, but these feelings i have running thru feel like i am living a constant nightmare every day, i cant take it anymore i feel like i want to explode and evaporate into thin air but i cant, i constantly think of suicide but i cant go thru with it i cannot do that to my family i could image my moms eyes at the sight of my suicide and it would kill her. so now i feel like im stuck in a nightmare that wont end.

    if i told you what i did that has made me enter this sate of mind you would not think its bad at all in fact some people think its good but in the end everyone will judge, i have to live with my mistakes and i don't enjoy this life now of constant anxiety and paranoia i want to find my peace and end it but i couldn't do that to my parents, they are very old and at the moment are the only ones who i can find for a little help when i need, they are the only ones who know my problems but not the depth of them. but what will happen when there gone, i cant see any future for me, iv had many girlfriends in the past and now i cant see myself in this sate of mind i have fallen into i cant hold a relationship i feel mentally unstable at times these constant mood changes i feel everyday change rapidly, iv had enough and the days just keep cumming and going by and im that stuck into my depression of regrets that i cant seem to move forward in life i feel emotionally drained to do anything anymore, is this normal? i cant take it, i believe in god also so i know how wrong suicide is and i know i cant do it, but sometimes the pain overwhelms me but i try not to do it because of my parents and how it till effect my family.

    feeling like this also makes me feel like a joke as i should be grateful with all that i have and i am not there are people out there that are dieing and will give anything to live and i want death its crazy, suicide is wrong i know this but how long can i hold it all. would it be considered wrong if someone does not want their life to be able to sacrifice it to save few others that are dieing out there in hospitals?

    i need advice, how do i accept my past decisions in life knowing that i will be judged on them my whole life, what do i do,anxiety prevents me from living my life i can only find my peace when i sleep
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    The thing with mistakes hun we all have made them ok you are not alone this is how one learns If we did not make any mistakes we would not be human
    How do you move on and get out of this depressive state you are in

    You talk to your doctor you talk to a councillor you talk ok reach out and you will see that mistakes are what make us really we change we grow we learn hun

    If you need medication then use it to help you pull out of the depression your in or therapy to help guide you to a new path. You are not pathetic hun you are suffering and you need some support and understanding hun reach out for it ok Don't stay in that darkness not when there is help for you hugs
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