hi. im back again. im cinda stuck between two places. 1st is a place with a good relationship and a okey social life. 2nd. is the place where i got a shitty school doing all kinds of stupid stuff/ a job that just sucks... and a place i just dont wanna live anymore... sadly also the suicidal thoughts never endet... i thought with a gf it would change but no.. i still dont wanna do it myself but the wish of just dying throug more or less anything still chases me around day by day. from ocasion to ocasion. im just not happy beeing alive living the life i got. i feel like im just getting older living the flow there is nothing that ceeps me living or feeling alive... even my boss at the 1 month work (praktica) a good friend of my father whom i know a very long time as he does told me i did really grate at everything...but... i seem to have no personal desire to do anything as if im just well doing what i must. and thats cinda my life...
also i cant change jobs or places without loosing or getting the relationship into a hard place as i just cant get along with long distance relationships. but i so dont wanna do this job anymore....... i just feel as lost as ever. i know i should just try to get out of that situation/ change the living place and maby try a new study... but how should pr could i do that while beeing with my gf and also having almost no money just scraping by beeing ripped of by my work.
also i cant change jobs or places without loosing or getting the relationship into a hard place as i just cant get along with long distance relationships. but i so dont wanna do this job anymore....... i just feel as lost as ever. i know i should just try to get out of that situation/ change the living place and maby try a new study... but how should pr could i do that while beeing with my gf and also having almost no money just scraping by beeing ripped of by my work.
