I'm a loner who's used to restrain myself with my emotions and thoughts. I was raised by a perfectionist, strict mother who I've never experienced being affectionate with and would always compare me with her favorite youngest child. I've sacrificed a lot from school bullying, peer pressure, insecurities, doing things I don't want, lack of parental guidance, parents having marriage issues etc. I managed it all because I'm focused with my dream of being a doctor. I got into a prestigious university and graduated with a premed course. However we had financial issues that my father decided to put his money on his business instead of investing it for my education. Btw, my father never cared about me either. He is the most selfish, two-faced person I hate being associated with. I was really angry and frustrated and that pushed me to prove to my father that I can still do things for myself. I swallowed my pride and set aside all the emotional sacrifices I took. Having a degree in biology landed me a job in the bpo industry. Money was good however I became the topic of every days gossip. It just so happened that the people I worked with were so insecure of my educational background that they question how did I land that job. I never explained myself to anybody or bothered myself minding them because I understand them. I never felt I will last and besides I never felt any fulfillment in doing it. I was able to save and finally decided to go back to school. I took interior designing because it's faster and it will land me a job with my cousin who's an architect. I studied and work at the same time because I was persevered. Inevitably school got demanding that I had to quit my job. The course was rather expensive and I run out of money. I had to turn to my father for financial help but he refused because unfortunately my (other)cousin got somebody impregnated and he decided that he's worth helping than his daughter. Again, very disappointed I quit school and went back to find a job in the same industry I loath being in. After a few years I was able to save again. I am thinking of going back to school but having second thoughts but I'm sure that I was really not happy with the line of job I was doing. I went back to school to finish interior design. But just my luck I found out I was having psychosis/schizophreniaform. The reason I had that was because I have kept all the emotional burdens and depression since I was a child until I got to be the issue at work. Everything piled up. My psychosis led to depression. I took meds and had consultations with a psychiatrist. I no longer want to continue with my consultations because I feel desperate that I have to pay someone to hear my thoughts and frustrations. My parents we're alarmed of what happened but all they can think of is the shame I will bring if people will know. Now I'm stuck. I'm a frustrated doctor and designer who lost confidence in doing anything because I lost my sanity out of too much anger. I am insecure with my youngest sister who has been my parents favorite and never had any sacrifices or grudges in life. I can no longer go out with my friends because I'm also insecure of their success, fulfillment and happiness in life. All I wanted was to be happy with a career I'm passionate of doing but it seems all odds are against me. It's hard that reality don't appreciate once sacrifices but just the end result. What frustrates me more is that all this time I don't have the right to be depress because I also have a blind sister who suffered from depression and I find myself humiliated by the fact that she managed to keep herself ok which is also why I lost sanity. Plus all my burdens, sacrifices, frustrations and insecurities seem shallow when compared to the problem of those who are dying and people who literally don't have anything. I worked hard and sacrificed a lot but in the end I ended up a loser. I think I had enough. However I'm just 28 and I literally don't know what to do with the rest of my life. Don't say that I should be in love and have a family of my own. I'm not physically attractive and in order for me to catch attention I really have to be interesting and go out there, but I lost all confidence when I lost sanity. Who the hell would be in love with someone who lost her mind? So what now?