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When and how to stop therapy???


SF Supporter
i returned to therapy this summer after a 10+ year hiatus. I went because I was bummed out that my ex was getting married and I didn't even have a bf. I didn't really know that it was affecting me with a downward spiral. Went to a new therapist and worked through some more issues that I didn't know I had. Still nervous when my ex and his fiancé are around but also am glad I'm not married to him. Other things came up and got resolved. Now that I don't have to see my ex or rarely hear about him, I don't get upset , but will see him when my grandbaby arrives in December. She - the therapist - thinks I'm still not over him and I will crash when I have further interaction. He now lives 30 miles away and I have stopped asking him for help.

She also found out about my SI last week and I think she's worried. But I think the usefulness of therapy is over but she still wants to see me. When do I call it quits and how? The old therapist and I got to the point where I just didn't schedule future appts and would call when I needed her so we drifted apart. And the dietician thinks I should go (go figure).

So I told her last week that I thought I was good but she said she still wants me to come in. i should feel lucky as the area is desperate for therapists and most of the time you can't get anyone. But I think I am good but don't know how to sever the relationship.

Any advice? I have the money to pay but the bills are piling up. I'm glad I went in the summer but I don't see any reason to continue.


Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense
Heya, @cymbele - this might be lame and/or obvious - how about meeting to at least discuss where you’re at, where you hope to be in few months, what your sense of seeing the ex will be on you, your specifics for dealing with limited interactions with him; and also, what the therapist thinks needs to be discussed still, is it that she thinks you will need support in the future or that there are outstanding issues she’d like to cover with you, and how will that pan out, and over how much time? And finally, what game plan do you have for yourself with or without a therapist in the works?

I’m not saying talk about all that here on SF...Those do seem to be reasonable points for discussion before ending it with therapy. It might also be nice to taper down if you’re ready for fewer sessions, but not let go in case those “ex interactions” are rough. At least you’d be keeping a sounding board up your sleeve.

The discussion could help you both to see how much is or is not left to be worked through.

Wishing you all the best! Let us know how you’re doing! *hug
Frankly, it seems like a significant number of therapists are either in it for the money, or they allow self-interest to interfere with the best interests of their clients. There's definitely a phenomenon (imho) of therapists applying pressure to push clients into making appointments whether they need them or not.

Do you feel like the therapist is pushing you toward making more appointments for selfish reasons? If so, I would say trust your instincts on this.

Standing up to a pushy therapist can be something which is in itself therapeutic. You could tell the therapist outright over the phone, via phone message, email, regular mail, however you want. It can be very blunt. "I don't want any more appointments right now. Thanks, goodbye." is sufficient. If you get questioned about that, you can either repeat the exact same thing, just hang up/not reply.

In general, I don't like the approach of "ghosting" someone, but if your therapist is trying to push you into making appointments that you don't want, you can simply cut off communications.

Your therapist doesn't have a right to force you into appointments, and trying to bully a client is a huge but all too common ethical breach. You don't owe a therapist who is trying to treat you that way anything.

While I don't know for certain what the therapists motives are, a therapist should still respect your wishes no matter what.

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