When your identical half dies

[total eclipse]

No I did not celebrate today but hsb kept me busy out of bed just kept me travelling so as to not think. Bought my twin charm it says your out of my world not out of my heart. I'm tired now did not sleep at all last night maybe tonight I will sleep. Tomorrow lawyers again hope everything gets settled tommorrow . It s my fault she is gone it is I always freeze dam anyways thanks for all support take care everyone.

 

[Windhover]

@total eclipse

 

[may71]

It s my fault she is gone

No it's not. You've imagined that you could have asked her to live with you, and that she would have agreed, and then that the doctors would have been better, and then that having better doctors would have kept her alive.

None of those things would necessarily have been true. She wouldn't have necessarily have agreed to stay with you, if she had, she wouldn't necessarily have had better doctors, and better doctors wouldn't have necessarily made any difference.

If she had come to live with you and some accident happened while she was moving, then you would have blamed yourself. You'd be saying, "If only I hadn't asked her to stay with me, she'd still be alive, it's all my fault". If she died despite having new doctors, then you'd also blame yourself the same way.

You're blaming yourself in response to the pain of losing her, and that's a common way for people to react, but it's not fair or accurate at all. The pain of losing her is making you see things in a distorted way. Please be gentle with yourself.

Hugs

 

[Soul flower]

It s my fault she is gone

That would make you very powerful- ever wonder why someone can drink, do drugs, eat red meat, junk food every meal while smoking cigs and live to 100 but another who is extremely "healthy" dies from heart attack at 31 .... I've seen it first hand. I think we have a lot less power then we care to admit.

Glad to hear you spouse kept you moving - distracted... sounds like they care and that's excellent. Sometimes a caring human with distractions is the best we can hope for while we find our way out of the darkness. Hope you got some sleep and feel at least a smidge better today.

I also am not sure your twin is actually out of your world - perhaps just out of this dimension. May you soon fill the void you feel in this dimension with something as loving as your twin.

 

[total eclipse]

 

[Astrid78]

 

[may71]

Hugs TE. I hope you'll keep posting about this if it helps.

 

[total eclipse]

Have to go lawyers tomorrow morning settle Twins estate ugggggg then have to be at grandaughter bday on May 10 and may 15 so drained didn't help things not stable at home front. Anniversary of her dying may 25 time has stood still my minsmd feels omg like it just happened oh hell she knew u would die without her she knew

 

[may71]

Please be gentle with yourself.

Hugs TE

 

[total eclipse]

Oh God I can't take this anymore

 

[Windhover]

@total eclipse what are you doing this day, how are your thoughts, your feelings?

Please tell us.

 

[total eclipse]

I don't want to be alive anymore I can't keep going on knowing more are going to die I'm tired of burying people si tired of it dam drugs take people away dam doctors I really need to find away out if all this pain

 

[Windhover]

What I want isn't important but I wish I could immediately help. The pain we have at times is off-scale. Where are you, is there access to any nature or a garden. It's one of the onlybalms I know of; & sorry for putting my awkward words to this.

hugs

 

[total eclipse]

2 am thanks for caring seabird going try sleep now tired maybe one day this will all end

 

[may71]

I can't keep going on knowing more are going to die

Do you want to say more about what you mean? Is there someone in particular that you're worried about?

More hugs

 

[total eclipse]

My girl mostly it so hard watching her do things that puts her in danger that one day will take her away

 

[may71]

Do you want to say what things she's doing that's putting her in danger? It's ok if you don't want to say.

Do you think she'd be open to making changes?

 

[nicktheundoer]

Oh God I can't take this anymore

Hugss..

 

[total eclipse]

I'm sick inside cry just cry it comes out if the blue can't believe she is gone we had plans I neglected her like her dam fff doctors did I am not good I am not good she left me she left me oh God you take everyone away dam me for not being strong for her

 

[nicktheundoer]

I'm sick inside cry just cry it comes out if the blue can't believe she is gone we had plans I neglected her like her dam fff doctors did I am not good I am not good she left me she left me oh God you take everyone away dam me for not being strong for her