Where to begin <TRIGGERING>

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by benji_boy, Jan 1, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. benji_boy

    benji_boy New Member

    In 1982 there was a girl and she was called Tia, her earliest memory is of her 3rd birthday, walking to the super hero costume shop with her dad. He wanted her to get the supergirl outfit, she wanted Spiderman, he relented and she had her way. Shortly after this, you already know, her next door neighbour took everything away from her.
    Anyway years passed, she got over it, 15 years old she went to the pub with her best friend with a pocket of bud. They met a man and went off to a backyard hut, filled with broken sharp stones. They sat there, toking on a joint. One minute it seemed ok, next minute he had her hair in his hands, pulling hard but so quietly so her friend didn’t notice. He pinched her flesh whilst warning the other to leave. She left and alone Tia took upon this man. He sodomised and threatened her. Finally a surge of courage came upon her, she threw him across from where he was. He fell to the ground and she took the chance to run away.
    Finding her friend outside already looking for help, she wailed and cried about the time when she was 3 years old, pain and suffering from a time long ago, brought unto today with new felt meaning. Her friend persuaded her, to make it right, find justice in today from yesterday. Tia called the police, trials and tribulations ensued with people staring at the ***** in front of them.
    Tia always feeling shame but now also guilt, did he deserve the double sentence? She was to blame, if at least for not speaking. She silently felt fear but never speaking, she took the abuse, frozen,perhaps by memories of yesterday?

    Glenda I just want to let you know why I need to end the referral to the centre. My life is full of crazy shit. There was the time when we moved to a council estate near Cardiff. I was assaulted by a mad French woman, who strangled me to near suffocation because I said I didn’t like horses. The same woman I had to fight against to stop her fondling my little brother’s genitals. My mum was in another flat, she came up and started abusing him, I freaked out and tried to push her away. She was a lot stronger, I was about 10 maybe and my brother about 4 years old. She became obsessed in those moments with touching him and I used all my strength to keep her away from him, shutting ourselves in the kitchen and screaming at my friend to get my mum. This story is 1 in a long line of fooked up crazy shit.
    But I probably need psychiatric insight into how I can muster the courage to defend my little brother at the age of 10 but then can’t defend my own body at 15 years of age?
    I’m the kind of person that is always here to listen to the woes of my friends, without them ever knowing about my own transgressions. I have really enjoyed our sessions and my final chance to speak. I just think this now needs to end, what’s done is done, has been done and should be laid to rest.
    I feel guilty for wasting your time but I hope you don’t see it like that. It’s meant a lot to me, it’s more attention and understanding then I’ve ever had. Thank you very much 
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 1, 2012
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi just want to let you know i did read your post brought back some pain inside just hope you do not stop your therapy or councilling I know you feel your sessions may need to end perhaps that could be a good place to start with your therapist next time you speak I too and many here wish the past would stay there in the past I just hope you now have the skills to cope when the triggers happen take care of YOU okay hun please do everything to keep you healing hugs
     
  3. benji_boy

    benji_boy New Member

    Thank you for the kind words, these things seem to effect me maybe more under the influence of alcohol. Woke up mortified this morning and bought a no more hangovers ebook. Think drinking is not helping so hopefully I will stop. I started with suicide attempts at the age of 3 and my last was a few years ago stepping in front of a car (under the influence again) I'm feeling much better now but still unsure about continuing with counselling when it seems to open up the past like that. Anyway, thanks again :)
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I do hope you can get help to deal with the alcohol issues hun and unfortunately one has to face the past to move forward but let your therapist know how it affect you so perhaps you can move slower hun hugs
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.