Who Am I Kidding, I have No Reason To Continue this Charade Called Life.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by True-Lee, Oct 27, 2014.

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  1. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    I wake up in the Morning and I Wonder, Why Everything's The same As it Was. Well Duh! Nothing Has Changed except "Your" point of View. Prozac no longer works on me. I am not going to take anything anymore. I'm tired, to tired to fight, I have done all the fighting I am going to do, I have cried until I couldn't Cry anymore, I have fought depression ..... well this is the third time. The first time was 8 years The 2nd Time was 20 years,..naaaa no more I cant keep doing this, it kinda got me down this time and keeps kicking me, I don't want to fight back, I don't want to try getting up, I seem to lose more every time so much so well now I have nothing more to lose. One family well more than one says God works Look at me....... noooo. I won't, I have known her since she was a baby and seen what God has done for This Loving Young Lady! Oh I love her so but no! She has more than enough on her shoulders. Enough! I just need to Rest.
     
  2. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    I wish I had some magic answer or cure for you. I so understand how you feel. I have fought depression since I was a teenager. I am in my 60's now. But I keep plodding on, and hope you will chose to do so too. In the morning, I don't want to get up, but I do. Because I know I will feel worse if I don't. I reach out for those rare and brief moments when things are sort of okay and I can sort of smile. And I hold on to the hope that those rare moments just may become more frequent. And I keep saying that I must take some responsibility here to change my own life, but that is so hard. But I am here to try and that is what's important. Being here to try. I just don't want to let this world beat me. I hope you won't let it beat you.

    I think it is terrific that prozac worked for you. I hope you will talk to your doctor. There are many other medications out there. I know they all have side effects, and it can take a while to find another one that works, but it is so worth it if you can find one that will bring you relief. I have read a number of your responses to other posts on this forum. You always provide support and encouragement. That makes you an important part of this team. Please stay with us. Drop into the chat room if you like. But stay with us.
     
  3. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Thank You, I appreciate. I am past the cure and I am older than you btw I can't smile anymore, I really can't appreciate all those things small that they were. From the first firefly in the spring to the last cricket in the fall, the first flake of snow those precious things. Seeing the first Fawn in the Spring? I take no more pleasure from that and I live in the middle of a forest. Have a pleasant evening. I use to love this beautiful world.
     
  4. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Wow, someone on this site that is older then me. I actually like hearing that, even though I wish you didn't feel the need to be here. I wish no one did. That this site would become useless. That the world would be deluged with happiness and meaning. But I am not getting my hopes up about that.

    I envy you living in the middle of a forest, rather in a city. But am so sorry that you can't find even momentary enjoyment in the smallest of things, like the first flake of snow or the sound of a cricket. I actually can't even remember the last time I heard a cricket. But I still find pleasure in the sound of rain, or the feel of a cool breeze through my window. There still is beauty in this tormented world of ours. I will hold you up in my prayers, that you will be able to experience even a tiny bit of it.

    Hugs.
     
  5. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    LOL Yes, that's me older than dirt in fact, I remember when Chicago was a Prairie. lol I heard the sound of Rain today up close and personal, I was out in the rain cutting firewood. I really don't mind doing it but I am behind. I use to buy it when I was working, well no job, then my chain saw broke a year ago. I got another one a month ago but I haven't gotten gas for it yet, so still cutting wood with a bow saw. I don't have even 1/2 of my wood done yet. See, I do like rain but I should be inside. I am not complaining. I have it better than a lot of people and I know it. I am having a um? somewhat difficult time living with the life I see ahead of me Thank You, For taking time to Pray for me and talking (typing) lol Hope you have a pleasant evening.
     
  6. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Oh, I am just so tired of this rain this is day 4 or 5? I don't remember. I can't get wood in when it is pouring like this. I just want to add that I do like the solitude. No traffic, no barking dogs, screaming arguments, sirens. It is Quiet at night When it snows, I can hear the sound of the snowflakes piling up. I had to come here. It is where I will stay......... forever.
     
  7. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Raining here to, True-Lee. The moss loves it. How long have you lived in the woods? Where did you live before that?
     
  8. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Well, I thought I gave you my name but...... That's what I get for thinking, It is Leigh btw. I am sitting here in the chair in front of my computer, I had fallen asleep, I shouldn't do that 1. I snap my neck when I wake up 2. I have a nightmare every time grrr. < >that's me angry at myself). Well I am a mess, shaking my head at the cobwebs and my glasses fell off and broke.

    It has stopped raining and the sun came out, earlier it is dark now. Everything is moss covered here too the last 4 years the rain has soaked everything and it is moss everywhere. Gee, I better move around more or I am going to be Moss Covered as well. I have lived in the woods 18 years now. I Lived at the Farm with my mother for about 4 Years after came home from the service and everything. I lived on Cape Cod for 10 years before that I use to Work for the town and I fished a lot. I did love the Ocean, but my father had an accident and I came home for a while for that , then I left and worked Construction for Several Years...... I have been around the world several times I wished I had stayed near the ocean but Here I am. Deep In The Woods. I just let in one of my cats , I call her my baby because she is, but 18 years old, she bonded with me when she was born, She is 1 of 4 Kittens that her mother had, I still have the mother too she is really getting Old (Like Me( My baby's name is Smootsie which is Swedish for Dirty...... She is Black with a Milk spill from her mouth down her neck. Our old farm Is about 16 miles from here.
     
  9. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    An 18 year old cat, and it is the young one. They are amazing. For a number of years I fed strays around my house. When 8 -10 cats showed up, it got to be a burden. I trapped a few and gave them to a neighbor who took them to a friends farm. They wanted mousers. But little by little, my strays died. The last of them vanished shortly after the matriarch disappeared. She never learned to trust me.

    Sounds like you have traveled a lot. I did until I was 11, then Dad retired from the service.

    I share your passion for the ocean. I wish finances would allow me to go there more often. I love the look, the sound, and even the smell of it. The only thing that can spoil an ocean trip for me is fog so thick that I cant see it.

    Take care of yourself.
     
  10. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that I haven't answered but I am not in the best of moods. I do love the ocean, We used to camp on Cape Cod when I was a little, I still remember the smells and the Cranberry Bogs there, but they too have gone the way of the Dinosaur. All motels and expensive homes now. I Went there to work for 10 years after I got out of the service and worked On the Cape Cod National Seashore driving on the sand dunes giving tours and Loved it. We also had a lot of fog.

    I had 1 cat that lived a little over 21 years that was My first cat, His name was Thimbles, for his white Paws, My mother made a ceramic statue of him that I still have, over 40 years ago. My Little Love, I have to go, Sorry. Have a Pleasant evening.
     
  11. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    No problem. Write when you can. I understand the need for solitude, for time, the importance of taking care of self, the need NOT to communicate at times. Hope you have a good evening and are able to lay in some more firewood and harvest the rest of your crops.
     
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