Who pulled the rug? WTF?

[nobodyknows71]

So, here I am, the end of another week, and things are s**t.
I had a fleeting moment when I thought I was doing ok. But it was very fleeting before getting smacked down into my rightful place. I've come to the conclusion I have no business thinking things could be getting better. So very tired of trying to make things better, only for the rug to be pulled from under me. And I've tried really hard to make things better. I've done everything that's been asked of me, but still no deal.
When did that happen? Why did that happen?
Is it all really in the lap of the gods?
If so that sucks!! If not who's pulling the strings?
And I'm getting angry, angry that I'm not getting anywhere. I feel like I'm running to stand still. When do I start gaining ground? Will I ever gain ground? How do I gain ground if it's not through doing everything I've been asked?
What more can I give?
This sucks!!

 

[Rockclimbinggirl]

I am sorry that you are feeling so bad. Hang in there.

 

[na-taya]

I wish I had word to help this,
How ever I do have to say I am so sorry uour are struggling so much right now, those words could have come from my fingers exactly.
I am really sorry to know that you have such a battle on ur hand, and I wish you all the best.
Please take care n stay safe xxx

 

[nobodyknows71]

I wish I had word to help this,
How ever I do have to say I am so sorry uour are struggling so much right now, those words could have come from my fingers exactly.
I am really sorry to know that you have such a battle on ur hand, and I wish you all the best.
Please take care n stay safe xxx

Thanks na-taya. you take care too.
Love and hugs x

 

[Petal]

Sorry you are feeling so down hun You're a lovely person and don't deserve to feel like this.

I'm sure you will relate to this song;

 

[Freya]

So, here I am, the end of another week, and things are s**t.
I had a fleeting moment when I thought I was doing ok. But it was very fleeting before getting smacked down into my rightful place. I've come to the conclusion I have no business thinking things could be getting better. So very tired of trying to make things better, only for the rug to be pulled from under me. And I've tried really hard to make things better. I've done everything that's been asked of me, but still no deal.
When did that happen? Why did that happen?
Is it all really in the lap of the gods?
If so that sucks!! If not who's pulling the strings?
And I'm getting angry, angry that I'm not getting anywhere. I feel like I'm running to stand still. When do I start gaining ground? Will I ever gain ground? How do I gain ground if it's not through doing everything I've been asked?
What more can I give?
This sucks!!

This is a horrible thing I think - the hope that things are getting better being squished is sometimes more painful than the fact that things went to crap in the first place. That said, things can and do get better - just there are often backslides and setbacks.

What is it that you are trying to gain ground on? What needs to move forward and what things have you been doing? Maybe we can help with some ideas?

I am sorry that you are angry and hurting s*

 

[nobodyknows71]

Sorry you are feeling so down hun You're a lovely person and don't deserve to feel like this.

I'm sure you will relate to this song;

Thanks @Petal. I hadn't heard it before, and yeah I relate.
It's going straight on my iPod.

 

[Petal]

Thanks @Petal. I hadn't heard it before, and yeah I relate.
It's going straight on my iPod.

I am glad you like it hun. I listen to it a lot along with Pinks ''fucking perfect''. They always cheer me up. You seem to like all the links I post, we must be very alike and have great taste of course :P!

 

[nobodyknows71]

This is a horrible thing I think - the hope that things are getting better being squished is sometimes more painful than the fact that things went to crap in the first place. That said, things can and do get better - just there are often backslides and setbacks.

What is it that you are trying to gain ground on? What needs to move forward and what things have you been doing? Maybe we can help with some ideas?

I am sorry that you are angry and hurting s*

Yeah I'd rather stay down I think than begin to believe things could improve.
What is it that you are trying to gain ground on?
I'm trying to return to work after illness, only to be told there may not be any hours for me (zero hour contract) so not gaining anything there financially or career wise.

I'm trying to figure out if my relationship has any life left in it, but it's hard when the other party doesn't see that there's a problem. So no clarity there

I'm trying to recover from surgery and have been doing physio religiously but no improvement

I've been having counselling for a while which is due to finish very soon and I still feel so down. (and it's opened up a huge can of worms that I haven't even begun to process)

I'm trying to repair a fractured relationship with my mum but we're so disconnected I'm not sure we can.

What things have you been doing?
I've been bugging my boss for more hours daily and looking for another job, no luck
I've suggested couple counselling, it's a work in progress
I've been doing physio
I've spoken to my GP about more counselling (going back in a couple of weeks to see him)
Went to lunch with my mum to try to sort out our differences, didn't go so well

This is just a few of the things going on. Any ideas would be welcomed.

 

[nobodyknows71]

I am glad you like it hun. I listen to it a lot along with Pinks ''fucking perfect''. They always cheer me up. You seem to like all the links I post, we must be very alike and have great taste of course :p!

I love P!nk. My user name is after her song. We do seem to have a lot in common

 

[Petal]

That's awesome and cool that its after her song, i didn't even know she had that song lol Hugs xxx

 

[Freya]

Yeah I'd rather stay down I think than begin to believe things could improve.
What is it that you are trying to gain ground on?
I'm trying to return to work after illness, only to be told there may not be any hours for me (zero hour contract) so not gaining anything there financially or career wise.

I'm trying to figure out if my relationship has any life left in it, but it's hard when the other party doesn't see that there's a problem. So no clarity there

I'm trying to recover from surgery and have been doing physio religiously but no improvement

I've been having counselling for a while which is due to finish very soon and I still feel so down. (and it's opened up a huge can of worms that I haven't even begun to process)

I'm trying to repair a fractured relationship with my mum but we're so disconnected I'm not sure we can.

What things have you been doing?
I've been bugging my boss for more hours daily and looking for another job, no luck
I've suggested couple counselling, it's a work in progress
I've been doing physio
I've spoken to my GP about more counselling (going back in a couple of weeks to see him)
Went to lunch with my mum to try to sort out our differences, didn't go so well

This is just a few of the things going on. Any ideas would be welcomed.

Wow that is a lot of stuff, I am sorry that you are having to deal with all those things at the same time. I think that sometimes it is hard to accept that sometimes things get better in ways we do not want them to in the beginning. For example, a relationship ending can feel so so awful, but sometimes it has to end to give way to the possibility of better. Similarly with work - in 2015 I was forced to leave my job and I hated the stress and anxiety of unemployment and job hunting and being new at a new place - but in the end it was a much better job and I am generally a lot happier now.

Sometimes our efforts to fix things don't work out too well because the road to better involves "new" not "repaired". I understand if that is not what you want to hear and not what you want to focus on. Job hunting is HARD and takes time - I hope that you find a new job soon. What work is it that you do? Make sure you keep on at your doc about counselling and also look up charities etc in your area and get on some waiting lists for help that way as well. Lots of charities offer counselling services.

You deserve good things - please don't get too discouraged. There is a lot of future waiting for you - it might be different than you think you would like right now, but that does not mean it can't be better s*

 

[nobodyknows71]

That's awesome and cool that its after her song, i didn't even know she had that song lol Hugs xxx

You should give it a listen. That and One foot wrong sums me up right now :rolleyes:

 

[nobodyknows71]

Wow that is a lot of stuff, I am sorry that you are having to deal with all those things at the same time. I think that sometimes it is hard to accept that sometimes things get better in ways we do not want them to in the beginning. For example, a relationship ending can feel so so awful, but sometimes it has to end to give way to the possibility of better. Similarly with work - in 2015 I was forced to leave my job and I hated the stress and anxiety of unemployment and job hunting and being new at a new place - but in the end it was a much better job and I am generally a lot happier now.

Sometimes our efforts to fix things don't work out too well because the road to better involves "new" not "repaired". I understand if that is not what you want to hear and not what you want to focus on. Job hunting is HARD and takes time - I hope that you find a new job soon. What work is it that you do? Make sure you keep on at your doc about counselling and also look up charities etc in your area and get on some waiting lists for help that way as well. Lots of charities offer counselling services.

You deserve good things - please don't get too discouraged. There is a lot of future waiting for you - it might be different than you think you would like right now, but that does not mean it can't be better s*

Relationship wise I'm weary about ending it. We've been together nearly 27 years and I'm not ready to turn my back on it yet. It's not an abusive relationship I just don't know if I still love him. Or am I feeling this way because I'm so down? I don't to make any rash decisions whilst feeling this way.

Job wise I worked in retail for 11 years and left a year ago to work at a hospital in admin. I took a leap of faith knowing it was zero hours, but was hoping it would lead to something permanent. Unfortunately three weeks after starting there I was diagnosed with cancer. And although they didn't let me go (who wants to be the company that sacks the girl with cancer) now I'm trying to go back there's a lack of hours for me. Maybe I'm being paranoid I don't know.

I will look for charities, I hadn't thought of that.

Thanks

 

[nobodyknows71]

I feel like I'm in a big black hole, and I'm stuck. I can't pull myself out. I spend countless nights crying myself to sleep. I spent days on my own doing absolutely nothing. Constantly hoping that things will improve, but wondering if they ever will.

The worst part is when you feel like your beginning feel ok again you get sucked straight back in. And crushed harder than before.

 

[PhoenixFailed]

I am so sorry you are feeling so down right now. I can relate to the feeling that I have hit rock bottom, come to peace with it only to find I hadn't actually hit the bottom yet and still feel like I fell father still. I am so sorry for all the struggles you are going through right now. Sending hugs!

@Petal, I love the song recommendation! Thank you!

 

[nobodyknows71]

I am so sorry you are feeling so down right now. I can relate to the feeling that I have hit rock bottom, come to peace with it only to find I hadn't actually hit the bottom yet and still feel like I fell father still. I am so sorry for all the struggles you are going through right now. Sending hugs!

@Petal, I love the song recommendation! Thank you!

Thanks @PhoenixFailed
It's not so much as feeling down as I've finally accepted that this is my life.

It is what it is.
And that's ok
Maybe this is the way it's going to be
Forever

It's ok
I feel if there was another way it would have shown itself by now.
The fact I'm still scrabbling around in the dark tells me otherwise.

So this is it.
I'm ok.

Love and hugs x

 

[PhoenixFailed]

I'm sorry I misunderstood. Feeling like this state of things is a constant can be disheartening, for sure.

Did the Forum Pro banner just appear or have I been spaced out? (Always a possibility). You are a great person for the job!

 

[nobodyknows71]

I'm sorry I misunderstood. Feeling like this state of things is a constant can be disheartening, for sure.

Did the Forum Pro banner just appear or have I been spaced out? (Always a possibility). You are a great person for the job!

I'm just so tired of the fight. I have no energy left to fight. And very disillusioned. I've spent a lot of energy believing/hoping/willing things to be good again. My reserves are empty. So this is it. This is how it's going to be.

The pro banner has been there since New Year's Eve. Not sure I'm worthy but I'm trying to do a good job

 

[PhoenixFailed]

I think extended depression and difficult circumstances can very much make it seem like there will not be improvement, but having struggled with depression for almost thirty years (under treatment, god only knows what was going on in my head as an abused child) I would be surprised if there was not some uptick in the future. It may not be for a while. I will be thinking of you and hoping the uptick comes soon.

I think you are indeed a great choice for a forum pro. They are kind here, but I do not think that if they did not believe you would not be a positive influence they would not give you the position. Congratulations.