Why am I so Pathetic?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Soundgarden, May 15, 2014.

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  1. Soundgarden

    Soundgarden New Member

    I'm not smart, pretty, thin, or talented. I don't really understand how to communicate with people. The only person I really talk to outside my family is a girl I hate. Not to mention, I talk to people that live under my bed. I know they're not real, but they make me feel better. All I do now is watch anime or porn to block out my frustration. I cry so often that my eyes are perpetually swollen. Sometimes I think that suicide is just a big door in the back of my mind. I'm standing right outside it, but I misplaced the key so I can't open it. I'm too cowardly to open it. People tell you things to correct this way of thinking, but I read all of the self-help books I can handle. None of that comforts me anymore. It's steadily getting harder to take my mind off of the bad things. I feel like a piece of garbage.
     
  2. redrobin62

    redrobin62 Active Member

    That opening statement could've been written by me. I also have problems communicating with people. I'm just no good at small talk. At my NA/AA meetings the people meet outside to smoke and chat. I don't smoke so I already look odd standing there among them while they smoke. Then I hear the topics they're talking about - tattoos (not interested), alternative bands (not interested), hot girls (not interested), fast cars (not interested), etc. I actually look like a fool just standing there waiting for someone to talk to me. Yes, standing among them I feel like a piece of garbage. I hope it isn't always like this.
     
  3. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Hello and evening/morning to you both. The reality is that all humans are bad communicators. Seriously. We are awkward, and often lead by unchecked emotion. It's normal. I still have a slight problem with being in really large crowds. I have been told that I am too blunt.
    My point is no one is perfect, but we can learn how to communicate. Most people can appreciate kindness. Genuine people are always welcome as well.A friendly wave, and a nice smile hello works wonders. This world is filled with lonely people that just don't know how to break the ice.
    I am a mother of three small children. My oldest was terribly shy. She is eight. She asked me," Mom; how do I make friends? I am really shy!" Every since I was a child I never had that problem. I always just walked up and introduced myself and asked the other kids if they wanted to play. Some would be agreeable some rejected me. So I shared this with my daughter. I said, "When you see other children; walk up to them and say HI my name is ____; would you like to play?"
    I told her that some kids may want nothing to do with her. And that is normal. Rejection is a part of life. I told her if someone rejects her move on. It's nothing to worry about, because you will find someone that will give you a chance.

    As an adult I still use these methods and with success. Friendships are like plants though. It's easy to start, but it takes effort to maintain. The more you give attention to a friend. The stronger you friendship grows. The less time you spend with them it will wither and die. Why? Because everyone is insecure and if you stop talking to them they will assume you don't want to be friends anymore. People generally talk about things they have in common. Animals is a great topic. Even if you don't have one it can still break the ice with someone who does.

    Soundgarden: Talking to people can be a lot like talking to your imaginary friends. Be friendly. Smile. Make eye contact. If you have interests outside of porn. Start looking into them and for clubs for people who share them. You are normal for feeling socially awkward. It can change. It takes a change of attitude and effort.


    Redrobin62: you mentioned being at a NA/AA meeting. That's something to build upon. I believe for groups like that they have some type of buddy system. You can get together with another member and be there for them when they feel the urge to relapse. And visa versa. Before they head outside go up to people and introduce yourself. Share with them some encouraging words, "Like; I think we are doing the best for ourselves and our families by being here. How about you?" or "I am sure ready to kick this habit. I am tired of wasting all that money on ______." "How long have you been coming here?" Then once conversation offer to be a buddy if that's something you would be willing to do. Share what habits you are trying to overcome. Conversation can always be lead away from a boring topic by someone else starting one.

    Anyways this is my advice. I hope the best for you both. Take it from a social butterfly. It isn't as hard as it seems. :hug:
     
  4. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I call it "5th wheel syndrome" because I feel like a fifth wheel in a group of people. I'm 57 years old and I've learned that some days are better than others. A lot of it depends on the interests of the others. I've also learned I don't have to talk. When I'm depressed, my sluggish brain does often does not think of replies until the conversation has turned to another topic. Oh well, maybe I remember the comment the next time the subject comes up. On the upside, other people have said I'm a wise person because I don't talk too much. Now that's funny! Perception is a strange thing. That can be the objective in a group of others who are talking; to see if one can figure out the perceptions of others. It makes not knowing what to say a little more bearable.

    I hope you fell better soon. :hug:
     
  5. someone0629

    someone0629 Member

    I could use your title too. I was fat, ugly, awkward and had hyperthyroidism when I was in high school because of that I was bullied. To add to that my mother would always compare me with her favorite perfect youngest sister. I hope you could read my story in the thread, What will I do with the rest of my life. Maybe my story will make you feel better about yourself.
     
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