Why am i stuck in a loop

[JoeHasFoes]

Hello everyone

Yall can call me Joe. or anything you like.

I just wanted to say that the day I entered university my life has been the worst. My GPA is below 2 by big margin. First year was worse I couldn't study as I took some medicine for my skin disease (people treat me like I am spare human parts because of my looks and my skin).

The medicine had side effects that gave me severe depression so in my first year I nearly killed myself 3-5 times. And today my 2nd year first semester's results even after the side effect wear off I still did not progress and my GPA way below 2.

I really tried my best but really life isn't fair you need to have a strong personality and be socially smart. I am neither of those really. And my IQ is really just average.

I am really mad at myself for being so weak in will.
I really can't impose what I want on others. I can't even get the attention of anyone. Mostly ignored like a useless bug in the corner. They say you just have social anxiety like what is that it's just excuses life is either die or live the only reason I can type this is because my family is have a little bit of money other than that I shouldn't be alive. Way more people deserve my life.

If I can't push through life right now how will I push when shit really goes down. When I need to take a action (not like I even can).

I don't want to talk about the experiences I had with the opposite sex. They knew that I am not even strong enough to do anything and they probably smarter to me like what I can do for them. After 2 days after they meet me. They ignore me. I can't blame them I would too.

I don't know what to do yall if anyone wants to give me real help it's OK. If you don't want to it's OK. But at least don't treat me like shit. I know I am below shit at least shit can be useful.

(Dont fucking correct any grammar or spelling)


Cheers.
JoeTheBug

 

[Dante]

University is roughly where my life went off the rails too. My first year was pretty much as I expected, I was well on track for 1st class honours, (I was once a smart cookie) but by the end of my 2nd year I was barely scaping passing grades. In the end it took me 5 years to just BARELY pass a 3 year course and I left University defeated and miserable. It took me 5 years because in my 3rd year I completely shut down. I was attending lectures and walking around but I was just a zombie. I remember one time trying to do my coursework, I spent a full hour trying to read the first line of the brief before I realised I just couldn't. I couldn't keep the words in my head long enough to reach the end of the line, a month after that I couldn't even string a complete sentence together. I had to bow out of my studies and take time to recover before retrying my final year and even then I only barely got my head on straight enough to barely pass.

I get how you feel, thinking that if you cant push through this now, how could you function later when things get really tough. Well despite my time at Uni, nowadays I am gainfully employed, I manage have of the company's employees, and I'm the only one in the company to have shouted down both the 2 most senior members of the company, including the founder. Its not like failing at university proved anything except that depression is not something you can just "push through".

Don't give up on yourself just because what you can do and how you feel now doesn't measure up in your eyes. We don't stop developing once we reach adulthood. I am stronger and smarter and more interesting today than I was a few years ago, and I was stronger and smarter back then than I was a few years before that. In the end you can train social skills, skin problems can be fixed (I have Psoriasis on my face and after a decade finally found a treatment that works) confidence can be built up and strength is all based on your self belief. Things can get better, and depression can be beaten.

Nothing in life is set in stone.

 

[may71]

It sounds like you're doing the best you can under difficult circumstances. Please be gentle with yourself.

I don't know what to do yall if anyone wants to give me real help it's OK

Since conventional treatment for your skin disease has produced severe negative side effects, you might want to give Chinese herbal medicine and acupuncture a try.

These two links have some info:

Chinese Herbal Medicine and Acupuncture, World's Second Largest Medical System

Self-Treatment and Miscellaneous

I hope things can get better soon.

 

[JoeHasFoes]

Yeah bro I am but I just can't seem to push forward.

I don't know how I will be alive in the next year
What hurts more that my family are spending alot of money just for my university fees. And I am wasting their money and I am doing nothing but failing or getting bunch of Ds.

I will look into the skin disease.

I forgot to mention I have vitiligo so yeah

Cheers,
JoeTheBug

 

[JoeHasFoes]

University is roughly where my life went off the rails too. My first year was pretty much as I expected, I was well on track for 1st class honours, (I was once a smart cookie) but by the end of my 2nd year I was barely scaping passing grades. In the end it took me 5 years to just BARELY pass a 3 year course and I left University defeated and miserable. It took me 5 years because in my 3rd year I completely shut down. I was attending lectures and walking around but I was just a zombie. I remember one time trying to do my coursework, I spent a full hour trying to read the first line of the brief before I realised I just couldn't. I couldn't keep the words in my head long enough to reach the end of the line, a month after that I couldn't even string a complete sentence together. I had to bow out of my studies and take time to recover before retrying my final year and even then I only barely got my head on straight enough to barely pass.

I get how you feel, thinking that if you cant push through this now, how could you function later when things get really tough. Well despite my time at Uni, nowadays I am gainfully employed, I manage have of the company's employees, and I'm the only one in the company to have shouted down both the 2 most senior members of the company, including the founder. Its not like failing at university proved anything except that depression is not something you can just "push through".

Don't give up on yourself just because what you can do and how you feel now doesn't measure up in your eyes. We don't stop developing once we reach adulthood. I am stronger and smarter and more interesting today than I was a few years ago, and I was stronger and smarter back then than I was a few years before that. In the end you can train social skills, skin problems can be fixed (I have Psoriasis on my face and after a decade finally found a treatment that works) confidence can be built up and strength is all based on your self belief. Things can get better, and depression can be beaten.

Nothing in life is set in stone.

I mean I understand what you saying like life is not same for everyone and everyone takes a different path. But for me this is the only path for me either i pass my classes or die.

We will see what will happen place your bets.

For me University is not that hard but the professors, teacher assistants, friends. Are pain in the ass and I can't win them over to spare me at least. Many people are failing in my classes but it's just sad people failing left and right. And only few surviving maybe cause that's life who knows.

Pretty harsh reality we live in.

Cheers,
JoeTheBug

 

[Dante]

I mean I understand what you saying like life is not same for everyone and everyone takes a different path. But for me this is the only path for me either i pass my classes or die.

We will see what will happen place your bets.

For me University is not that hard but the professors, teacher assistants, friends. Are pain in the ass and I can't win them over to spare me at least. Many people are failing in my classes but it's just sad people failing left and right. And only few surviving maybe cause that's life who knows.

Pretty harsh reality we live in.

Cheers,
JoeTheBug

At university I had a meltdown because failure wasn't an option for me either. My whole life I was taught that you excel or nothing. It was hard to come to terms with failure, but it is not the end of the world. Its a horrible event, but failure makes you as much as success, and coming back from failure is perhaps more confidence building than never having failed at all, because unlike those who never failed, you know you can turn it around if you do.

 

[JoeHasFoes]

I kinda get where you coming from. Like you know where are your limits and you know if you can break them or not or even you can push more.

I like to think of it like having your opinions and beliefs challenged. You never know how strong your beliefs are unless you challenge them. After challenging your ideas become more sturdy or it will be changed to a stronger idea.

Today I think I know where I am going to do
I will postpone the idea of ending myself cause there is a glimmer of hope

 

[1Lefty]

Today I think I know where I am going to do
I will postpone the idea of ending myself cause there is a glimmer of hope

I like that idea

peace

 

[JoeHasFoes]

I like that idea

peace

Thank you guys for supporting me so far. Even though I don't deserve it. But yall were kind enough to a garbage can.

Cheers,
JoeTheBug

 

[may71]

Even though I don't deserve it

You're probably much more deserving than you think you are.

Please don't be so hard on yourself Joe.

 

[LumberJack]

Hey Joe. I’m responding to your indications that you feel worthless. You called yourself a bug and a garbage can. It pains me to hear this because I struggle with feeling worthless too. Intellectually, I believe that all people have inherent worth. It doesn’t matter what your behavior is or anything else.

I would like you to consider whether your self aggression is helpful. In CBT, the practice of labeling oneself is a cognitive distortion. Meaning that nobody is actually what the label is. We all correspond to multiple facets of identity, and the negative judgment associated with insulting anyone, especially yourself, is not healthy. The alternative is non-judgmental awareness. This is the definition of mindfulness, which has a lot of research behind it that shows many benefits, including reducing mental distress.

I have difficulty with this myself, because when I am depressed, it’s so much easier to see my flaws and not my good points. This leads me to the conclusion that I must be worthless, because after all I am damaged goods. But getting back to the question of inherent worth, I have been advised to look at it from someone else’s perspective.

Would you tell a close friend that they are worthless because they are going through difficult times? I would try to reassure them of their worth and after all, if you are still alive, then you have survived everything that happened so far. Inherent human worth is the foundation of human rights. You don’t lose this no matter what happens.

It is definitely difficult and overwhelming to change our core beliefs. I believe that it can be done. And anything worthwhile is usually also hard. So maybe taking a break from the self judgement is worth a try. We can do hard things, but if we don’t consider that possibility, then we end up not trying, which definitely keeps us stuck. In this way our beliefs about ourselves create our subjective reality- changing thoughts leads to new behaviors that get different results.

I hope that helps. If you disagree, I am open to further discussion. Okay, sorry this is so long. In short, I want to encourage you to keep going and experiment with new beliefs. You are worthy and have value.

 

[JoeHasFoes]

Hey Joe. I’m responding to your indications that you feel worthless. You called yourself a bug and a garbage can. It pains me to hear this because I struggle with feeling worthless too. Intellectually, I believe that all people have inherent worth. It doesn’t matter what your behavior is or anything else.

I would like you to consider whether your self aggression is helpful. In CBT, the practice of labeling oneself is a cognitive distortion. Meaning that nobody is actually what the label is. We all correspond to multiple facets of identity, and the negative judgment associated with insulting anyone, especially yourself, is not healthy. The alternative is non-judgmental awareness. This is the definition of mindfulness, which has a lot of research behind it that shows many benefits, including reducing mental distress.

I have difficulty with this myself, because when I am depressed, it’s so much easier to see my flaws and not my good points. This leads me to the conclusion that I must be worthless, because after all I am damaged goods. But getting back to the question of inherent worth, I have been advised to look at it from someone else’s perspective.

Would you tell a close friend that they are worthless because they are going through difficult times? I would try to reassure them of their worth and after all, if you are still alive, then you have survived everything that happened so far. Inherent human worth is the foundation of human rights. You don’t lose this no matter what happens.

It is definitely difficult and overwhelming to change our core beliefs. I believe that it can be done. And anything worthwhile is usually also hard. So maybe taking a break from the self judgement is worth a try. We can do hard things, but if we don’t consider that possibility, then we end up not trying, which definitely keeps us stuck. In this way our beliefs about ourselves create our subjective reality- changing thoughts leads to new behaviors that get different results.

I hope that helps. If you disagree, I am open to further discussion. Okay, sorry this is so long. In short, I want to encourage you to keep going and experiment with new beliefs. You are worthy and have value.

It honestly depends what kind of hardships my friend is going through. If it is something they had control over like studies.. etc then I would blame them for not doing better. If its something out of their control I will try my best to solve/save the situation they are in.

I call myself a bug cause I am taking the wrong choices and can't control myself. Basically a animal with no brain. Calling myself good things won't make me better.

The standards of the world became harsh but still you either die or live. So maybe I will be the ones who die.

I indeed have a value and worth but it still won't solve my problems. Seriously considering what I am going through is nothing. But still I can't push through. It's quite sad

Cheers,
JoeTheBug

 

[JoeHasFoes]

It honestly depends what kind of hardships my friend is going through. If it is something they had control over like studies.. etc then I would blame them for not doing better. If its something out of their control I will try my best to solve/save the situation they are in.

I call myself a bug cause I am taking the wrong choices and can't control myself. Basically a animal with no brain. Calling myself good things won't make me better.

The standards of the world became harsh but still you either die or live. So maybe I will be the ones who die.

I indeed have a value and worth but it still won't solve my problems. Seriously considering what I am going through is nothing. But still I can't push through. It's quite sad

Cheers,
JoeTheBug

I am either a delusional person thinking people in my same situation have better environment than me like they eat good / live near the university / supporting family members / have friends that tell them advices like what to study or whats probably coming in the next exam. Or the environment I am in is the same for most people and they get higher marks than me. Both ways I an still a failure.

I am seriously lost. I can't even get a B+ let alone getting 2.8 GPA in a single semester to fix my overall GPA.

I believe the biggest problem I have is my social skills. All the students who enter my university are all smart/good at studying. So the university will be forced to differentiate between a good student and a bad student by their social skills.

I don't know what to do. I want to live and keep on pushing but it feels like my hands are tied and my heart is chained. I am lost.

Cheers,
JoeTheBug

 

[KM76710]

I kinda get where you coming from. Like you know where are your limits and you know if you can break them or not or even you can push more.

I like to think of it like having your opinions and beliefs challenged. You never know how strong your beliefs are unless you challenge them. After challenging your ideas become more sturdy or it will be changed to a stronger idea.

Today I think I know where I am going to do
I will postpone the idea of ending myself cause there is a glimmer of hope

I hope that you will always find reasons to postpone especially knowing that you never know the future, and this is a place where I hope we are able to offer glimmers.

 

[Walker]

Hi Tom, who is named Joe, who I refuse to call a bug but maybe a mouse is nicer. (only teasing you. I love your user name)

Okay for real now. Listen Joe, people screw up at school all the time.
Look at these stats on people who drop out from various countries -
USA 55%
New Zeland 47%
Sweden 46%
Mexico 43%
Poland 39%
Norway 37%

Plus, it makes a difference what type of course you're on. Like IT has an incredibly high drop out rate compared to medicine, for instance. Maybe you're on a course that doesn't appeal to you THAT MUCH after all. Are you INTERESTED in what you're studying?

I'm 100% NOT saying to drop out of school. I'm only saying that you're absolutely NOT a "failure" if you do. People drop out of school for all kinds of reasons and being smart enough isn't at the top of the list - but you can read what IS at the top of the list in this article.

I know a lot of extremely intelligent people who dropped out and went back to school or dropped out altogether. It doesn't mean a lot at the end of the day. What does mean something is that you're able to learn from misakes, are a caring person and a good citizen to the planet and the world as a whole. You don't seem to be doing too bad at those things. You aren't WEAK, man. You're TRYING. And I think you deserve some credit for that.