This may be a potential trigger to some people so if you are easily triggered this thread may not be for you. In this thread there is profanity and some of my aggressive thoughts, so if you want to avoid this please do. I will make a decent gap so you won't see beyond this point.
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For years I've been seeing specialists in regards to my suicidal thoughts and all the negative things going on in my life and not for the first time they have taken digs at me for not accepting antidepressants and risking the possibility of going back into a secure unit for a "few months of mental rehabilitation" all because I'm not willing to accept that antidepressants are the thing that will "cure me" despite me repeatedly in no uncertain terms why I will not take antidepressants and today my meeting got explosive, worst I had been in a few years and now I'm waiting for my 7th (yes that is correct) 7th mental health specialist in 4 years.
To be perfectly honest with you I've never had a good opinion on the mental health services within NHS even before Covid and I've also been very vocal in letting them know I'm not at all happy I'll give you a run down on my specialists (surnames won't be mentioned) my 1st specialist back in 2017 when I spoke out about my thoughts she was not too bad to give her her credit, Karen, she was my specialist for around 7 months then she went on maternity leave and I was given a 2nd specialist who I really think is f'k'ing useless if I'm to be honest, Bernard, he was my specialist for 11 months and during that time I took issue with him on almost every time we met, I found him to be very negligable and never once during any time in his presence did I feel like he wanted to really help me, and I felt like that when he dealt with others aswell.
My 3rd one was really the nicest of all, a guard when I was in a mental unit in a secure unit just out Glasgow, she honestly could not have been any more polite and professional and one of the few people during my dealings with secure units and mental health teams I did not explode with, Carole, she is not an actual mental health specialist but she went above her call of duty so to speak to help people, another person on my unit/wing got help with housing and job accommodation due to the work Carole done, best example is where I put trigger warning in, she was present on one of the days I had a weekly review and she had seen me get angry in the meeting (I didn't explode I was just being sarcastic and laughing at everything that got said) and later that evening as casually as one can be she asked me if she could enter my dorm, I accepted because at this point I had not had an issue with her nor anything positive so I thought why not, and we sat on my bed chatting and I opened up on why I'm reluctant to try anymore antidepressants, even when I told her and I quote "because when I take antidepressant meds I can't cum and if I meet a woman and I can't cum I won't have a relationship or have kids"
And she took me by surprise by being diplomatic and understanding where I was coming from, and in during my times in and out of secure unit she has frequently treated me with the utmost respect and other people on the wing, if you have seen the film Matild and remember the character Miss Honey, I once told her she reminded me of that character from Matilda because of how calm she was, the irony of it is and was, in her job environment and the type of people she is dealing with on the inmate wings who are in crimes I never once heard her lose her temper with anyone and never heard anyone say bad things about her either.
4th person Nicole, lasted 4 months, she was really uninterested and seemed to make me lose my cool easily. shortly after that I got another woman who in all serious was a completely dumb blonde, Mandy, my 5th she could not pronounce my surname correctly (my surname is not too hard to pronounce) and was never really prepared correctly for anything then start of 2021 another woman who in comparison to the other was not as bad but we could not see eye to eye and around July 2021 I asked for another specialist.
6th person Lisa, we got on ok but I got unsettled with her at times and communication broke down March this year and shortly after that I was connected to a guy called Keith, and today after 6 months with Keith I'm looking for a new specialist, topic which caused us to clash.......... antidepressants and him being aggressive in telling me I'm running risk of being back to secure unit in which I turned round and said "fucking do it Keith, what part do you Neanderthals don't understand antidepressants aren't going to solve my issues you imbicile" and he replied "you know *name* you really are your own worst enemy, I'm going back to board and now you're going to get another specialist"
Time and time and time again I've spoken openly about it and why I won't go on antidepressants and still it's being rammed down my throat, and I'm being treated like a bad guy because I stand my ground?
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For years I've been seeing specialists in regards to my suicidal thoughts and all the negative things going on in my life and not for the first time they have taken digs at me for not accepting antidepressants and risking the possibility of going back into a secure unit for a "few months of mental rehabilitation" all because I'm not willing to accept that antidepressants are the thing that will "cure me" despite me repeatedly in no uncertain terms why I will not take antidepressants and today my meeting got explosive, worst I had been in a few years and now I'm waiting for my 7th (yes that is correct) 7th mental health specialist in 4 years.
To be perfectly honest with you I've never had a good opinion on the mental health services within NHS even before Covid and I've also been very vocal in letting them know I'm not at all happy I'll give you a run down on my specialists (surnames won't be mentioned) my 1st specialist back in 2017 when I spoke out about my thoughts she was not too bad to give her her credit, Karen, she was my specialist for around 7 months then she went on maternity leave and I was given a 2nd specialist who I really think is f'k'ing useless if I'm to be honest, Bernard, he was my specialist for 11 months and during that time I took issue with him on almost every time we met, I found him to be very negligable and never once during any time in his presence did I feel like he wanted to really help me, and I felt like that when he dealt with others aswell.
My 3rd one was really the nicest of all, a guard when I was in a mental unit in a secure unit just out Glasgow, she honestly could not have been any more polite and professional and one of the few people during my dealings with secure units and mental health teams I did not explode with, Carole, she is not an actual mental health specialist but she went above her call of duty so to speak to help people, another person on my unit/wing got help with housing and job accommodation due to the work Carole done, best example is where I put trigger warning in, she was present on one of the days I had a weekly review and she had seen me get angry in the meeting (I didn't explode I was just being sarcastic and laughing at everything that got said) and later that evening as casually as one can be she asked me if she could enter my dorm, I accepted because at this point I had not had an issue with her nor anything positive so I thought why not, and we sat on my bed chatting and I opened up on why I'm reluctant to try anymore antidepressants, even when I told her and I quote "because when I take antidepressant meds I can't cum and if I meet a woman and I can't cum I won't have a relationship or have kids"
And she took me by surprise by being diplomatic and understanding where I was coming from, and in during my times in and out of secure unit she has frequently treated me with the utmost respect and other people on the wing, if you have seen the film Matild and remember the character Miss Honey, I once told her she reminded me of that character from Matilda because of how calm she was, the irony of it is and was, in her job environment and the type of people she is dealing with on the inmate wings who are in crimes I never once heard her lose her temper with anyone and never heard anyone say bad things about her either.
4th person Nicole, lasted 4 months, she was really uninterested and seemed to make me lose my cool easily. shortly after that I got another woman who in all serious was a completely dumb blonde, Mandy, my 5th she could not pronounce my surname correctly (my surname is not too hard to pronounce) and was never really prepared correctly for anything then start of 2021 another woman who in comparison to the other was not as bad but we could not see eye to eye and around July 2021 I asked for another specialist.
6th person Lisa, we got on ok but I got unsettled with her at times and communication broke down March this year and shortly after that I was connected to a guy called Keith, and today after 6 months with Keith I'm looking for a new specialist, topic which caused us to clash.......... antidepressants and him being aggressive in telling me I'm running risk of being back to secure unit in which I turned round and said "fucking do it Keith, what part do you Neanderthals don't understand antidepressants aren't going to solve my issues you imbicile" and he replied "you know *name* you really are your own worst enemy, I'm going back to board and now you're going to get another specialist"
Time and time and time again I've spoken openly about it and why I won't go on antidepressants and still it's being rammed down my throat, and I'm being treated like a bad guy because I stand my ground?
