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Why i am scared to trust TW!!!

kimsmom2005

just because your struggling doesnt mean you fail
#1
I am honestly not sure if putting this out is going to help me not hurt me. I want others to see where my trust issues stem from. Please don't read if feeling sensitive.

My trust issues started when I was 4 years old. That is when the betrayal of my mother came to be, at 4 years old she broke any trust or safe feelings because that was when I first got sexually assaulted. At the age of 4 my Mother took my virginity my innocence. Following that my mother would let my babysitter, and her numerous boyfriends to use me sexually what ever they wanted for drugs. Not an excuse in my mind that and she would participate in the acts. I was removed from her care just after I turned 6. I was put into foster care. I was sexually assaulted by a foster dad before being shipped to another state to be placed with my aunt and uncle. From age 10 to 12 I was sexually assaulted numerous times by my uncle and step grandfather. My aunt and uncle did adopt me but put me back in foster care at 12 because I had to many problems. At the age of 15 I was sexually assaulted by another foster dad and became pregnant with my eldest daughter, who passed at 4 and gave life to her just after I turned 16. I went to job corps and had to leave my daughter. After I got out my ex helped my bestfriend husband sexually assaulted me again and became pregnant with my youngest daughter. A couple years ago I met my bio grandfather and that he was safe so went to visit him. He was into bdsm and assault me many times. When we got home I had a doctor's appointment and my step dad took me two years ago he sexually assaulted me.
I hope that I did the right thing by letting others understand where my trust issues come from
 

1964dodge

When a 1965 Dodge just isn't enough
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#2
I am honestly not sure if putting this out is going to help me not hurt me. I want others to see where my trust issues stem from. Please don't read if feeling sensitive.

My trust issues started when I was 4 years old. That is when the betrayal of my mother came to be, at 4 years old she broke any trust or safe feelings because that was when I first got sexually assaulted. At the age of 4 my Mother took my virginity my innocence. Following that my mother would let my babysitter, and her numerous boyfriends to use me sexually what ever they wanted for drugs. Not an excuse in my mind that and she would participate in the acts. I was removed from her care just after I turned 6. I was put into foster care. I was sexually assaulted by a foster dad before being shipped to another state to be placed with my aunt and uncle. From age 10 to 12 I was sexually assaulted numerous times by my uncle and step grandfather. My aunt and uncle did adopt me but put me back in foster care at 12 because I had to many problems. At the age of 15 I was sexually assaulted by another foster dad and became pregnant with my eldest daughter, who passed at 4 and gave life to her just after I turned 16. I went to job corps and had to leave my daughter. After I got out my ex helped my bestfriend husband sexually assaulted me again and became pregnant with my youngest daughter. A couple years ago I met my bio grandfather and that he was safe so went to visit him. He was into bdsm and assault me many times. When we got home I had a doctor's appointment and my step dad took me two years ago he sexually assaulted me.
I hope that I did the right thing by letting others understand where my trust issues come from
that's a lot of assult issues did you report any of them? either way you are in therapy now and you have to learn to let go of your past, you will never forget it but you can learn to let it go. let me be one of the people you start trusting and hopefully you will learn to trust people irl. i'm sorry you went through that but not everyone is abusive. mike *hug
 

kimsmom2005

just because your struggling doesnt mean you fail
#3
to answer your question yes i did report some of them, for me though since I started so young I didn't realize til later that it wasn't okay. the hardest one was two years ago when I finally admitted to what my mother had done, I finally stopped protecting her. I am trying to move past it and have begun to work on it in therapy. we are doing what is called a time line and address all of it slowly but surely. your right though I do need to let go of it and that is what I am trying to do, just not doing a very good job right now, I have to work harder and I know that.
 

Harrow

Well-Known Member
#4
You never have to apologize for not trusting you have every right in the world after what you have been through. Though I know with time you can get to a point in the future where you will realize not all people are like that, because there are so many good people in the world. Do not be hard on yourself if it takes time if you have a bad moment or if your feelings aren't quite where you want them to be yet. Because healing takes time and I hope you know we are all here supporting you so whenever you just that little extra support we will be here *hug
 
#5
Don’t ever apologize for what you’re feeling and for having problems trusting people, it makes perfect sense after everything you’ve been through . I’m so sorry You had to go through all of this.
I’m happy that you are in therapy and working your way through all of those traumatic events, you are so brave. I know it’s really hard to work through it in therapy , we are all here for you*hug
It’s perfectly understandable why after everything you’ve been through you are having hard time trusting people. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you are doing the best you can and I know it’s incredibly hard. Healing out of it all takes time but I’m confident you’ll get there , thank you for sharing with us your story 🤗
 

justrob

Keep on keeping on.
#6
I do need to let go of it and that is what I am trying to do, just not doing a very good job right now, I have to work harder and I know that.
It sounds like you are making progress. You realized what your mother did. That is progress. One of the first steps that is very important, and people try to rush over, is to acknowledge the pain. Progress may come slowly at a pace your mind is comfortable dealing with.

When going through this try not to judge your feelings as good or bad, but as indicators of where your pain lies ( and on the flip side, where your joy resides). There is a reason we feel anger and fear, just like there is a reason feel love and joy. It helps navigate our psyche and find who we truly aside from all we went through. Trying to avoid or push away the "negative" feelings, creates more suffering for ourselves.

It sounds like you found a therapist you are comfortable working with. Having a safe place to work this out it's very helpful. Just know that it takes a lot of time and even the smallest step is progress.

Thank you for letting us know about your trust issues.

I wish you peace my friend.
 

extraterrestrialone

can’t toast bread without burning it
SF Supporter
#7
I am honestly not sure if putting this out is going to help me not hurt me. I want others to see where my trust issues stem from. Please don't read if feeling sensitive.

My trust issues started when I was 4 years old. That is when the betrayal of my mother came to be, at 4 years old she broke any trust or safe feelings because that was when I first got sexually assaulted. At the age of 4 my Mother took my virginity my innocence. Following that my mother would let my babysitter, and her numerous boyfriends to use me sexually what ever they wanted for drugs. Not an excuse in my mind that and she would participate in the acts. I was removed from her care just after I turned 6. I was put into foster care. I was sexually assaulted by a foster dad before being shipped to another state to be placed with my aunt and uncle. From age 10 to 12 I was sexually assaulted numerous times by my uncle and step grandfather. My aunt and uncle did adopt me but put me back in foster care at 12 because I had to many problems. At the age of 15 I was sexually assaulted by another foster dad and became pregnant with my eldest daughter, who passed at 4 and gave life to her just after I turned 16. I went to job corps and had to leave my daughter. After I got out my ex helped my bestfriend husband sexually assaulted me again and became pregnant with my youngest daughter. A couple years ago I met my bio grandfather and that he was safe so went to visit him. He was into bdsm and assault me many times. When we got home I had a doctor's appointment and my step dad took me two years ago he sexually assaulted me.
I hope that I did the right thing by letting others understand where my trust issues come from
I always have to qualify a "like" just to be on the safe side. I use it to mean "empathize".

I have trust issues and I don't know where or how they came about as it applies to me. I know my sister was sexually abused at home and it must have somehow included me. I've been working on this a long time.

I do think it's important and right to be open about this if you can be. That is how I am trying to approach it for myself. I find that for myself, trust is a problem in many parts of my life. Not just sexually. So I wonder if sexual abuse is responsible or something else or a combination. And I wonder if and how I could come to understand. I wonder if your experience has similarities to mine. Im glad you posted this.
 

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