Why I don't celebrate valentines day.....

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by meaningless-vessel, Feb 15, 2014.

  1. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Now I know - valentine's day is all hyped up, commercialised (as it entices people to pay out for anything from chocolates to flowers or a romantic meal to a hotel room for one night). I find it rather distasteful that some in relationships look to utilise the main focal points of a year, from birthdays to anniversaries, christmas to valentines, to shower their partners in gifts etc, forgetting to remember that love is not something you can "buy".

    My current gf has an understanding that I won't celebrate v-day, and she seems to have accepted it (maybe she did it just to please me, but I wouldn't know without asking her - I'd presume not, because we've been through a fair bit since we took up the "relationship reins" ).

    I knew a lad when I was back in primary school (age 4-11 for those who don't know what I mean), and his birthday was Feb 14th. 3 years ago next month I bumped into him for the first time since then, and then 3 months after that (sorta June/July 2011 time), I found out that he'd taken his own life. Forget valentine's day - I'd rather remember and celebrate his life even though I didn't really know him that well personally.

    Plus there's another 361 days (if you exclude my partners birthday, christmas, and the day we first decided upon getting together being what we'd call the anniversary of our relationship starting), in which we can share our love for each other in ways we both appreciate.

    Rest in peace Chris - you'll never be forgotten.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Sorry for the loss of your friend and agree that each day should be celebrated hugs
  3. Adam

    Adam SF Supporter

    I am of the exact same view. I honestly despise all these various special days. My fiancé would put up with me entirely boycotting valentines day. We did not need it. Our special days were each and every day. We made a point of going out together regularly. I would get her flowers on whim at random when the mood took me. I would love and cherish by my actions not by overpriced cards and flowers. That is far more meaningful than the commercialisation of love itself that I ultimately find disgusting. Chocolates and flowers are just stuff. On a death bed that sort of stuff is not what is remembered. It is also an alienating day to those outside of love who have it thrust into their face and are demoralised, saddened and even in some cases commit suicide over the painful awareness of what is missing. This is doubly so when a partner has passed away, or there has been bad painful split. The suicide rate actually spikes on valentines day as a false parody of love is force fed to every one. Even people that don't particularly love their partners have to engage in the show as if it is meaningful.
    God help any one that forgets, this means more police are called out to domestic incidents.

    Love should be a continual celebration of sharing a life together, not one day of awareness of it followed up with over priced flowers and increased restaurant or hotel fee's. The word love it self seems to have been diluted to be close to meaningless. I was very strange with those I loved. I would rarely say it so when it was said it had genuine weight and impact delivered at times when needed most. I would not say it on a quid pro quo basis. Some people are held to ransom by the word love.

    In all honesty I am against most of the 'special' days that exist. I do not celebrate fathers day. My father is celebrated every time I regularly pick up the phone and talk to him and am interested in his life and well being. I find some of the various days we now are forced to endure rather insulting to the very people they are meant to celebrate. Are they not special outside of those days?
  4. IwannaGo Now

    IwannaGo Now New Member

    I hear you about Valentine's Day being a over hyped lovey dovey holiday, and I don't celebrate it any more either. Its actually a really sad day for me, because on Valentine's Day 3 1/2 years ago, I woke up to find my boyfriend had died in his sleep and was cold and not savable. It was the most traumatic and devastating experience I've had, and I still think of him daily. I can only hope that I see him again in some type of afterlife. But, yep, Valentine's Day absolutely sucks, for numerous reasons.
  5. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    honestly i dont celebrate any holidays anymore cuz i've done a lot of research on them.. and most of them.. even christmas.. are not what the general public is told they are, or at least.. thats not their origination.. and i dont like celebrating where they originated from.. so kudos to u for not celebrating valentines day!
  6. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I'm so so sorry, it doesn't help you but I don't do v day either, not the same circumstances but 2010 14 February my friend Mark a guy I honestly looked up to was killed by an IED in Afghanistan, every year is a painful reminder in the build up, I still berate myself for not sending a message on fab two days before to ask for a beer when he got back, now on the 14 each year I have a shit if whiskey on my 21 birthday he stitched me up with my first ever proper whiskey it's my way of remembering a moment we shared
  7. BernardFoster

    BernardFoster Active Member

    sorry for the lost.. everything valentines date will come i will remember your friend.