Why is it so hard to get over?

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by carebear35, Aug 26, 2015.

  1. carebear35

    carebear35 Active Member

    Anyone reading this will probably tell me "It was so long ago. Get over it." This doesn't refer to a human. It refers to my cat, Tozzie, who I had to put down in March.

    In December last year Tozzie started getting very thin and messing all over the house. She'd eat twice of what our other cats eat, but never gained weight. In January this year I finally had the money to take her to the vet, where the vet ran blood tests and told me that Tozzie had diabetes. I had to rush around looking for insulin. She seemed fine for the next month and then 3 days into March she collapsed and I had to rush her to the vet. She'd gone into diabetic shock. It took 2 days at the vet and she seemed fine again. I brought her home on a Thursday night and Saturday morning my mother rushed to my room in a panic because Tozzie had collapsed again. I rushed her to the vet and after a quick exam the vet told me they could stabilize her, but she'd probably slip back again. I got home to tell my mom and together we made the decision that it was in her best interest to let her go. I had to phone the vet to let her know our decision. It broke my heart to have to put her down. She'd been with us for 11 years. To this day I'm still haunted by the decision.
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    No, the death of a close pet is the same as that of any living entity. I can understand you hurt but took a decision which was in the best interest of the animal. Just think differently that the cat is no longer suffering but watching over you. You know in your heart it was the right decision.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Eleven years is a long time, a lot of memories and I hope lots of pictures that can comfort you. You did the right thing for Tozzie and that is all that matters. I am very sorry for your loss, i'd be lost without my pets being around. Hugs to you :hugs:

    No one here is going to tell you to ''get over it''. We're a friendly compassionate bunch of people.
  4. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    I am sorry for your loss, There are a lot of memories made in those 11 years, You cannot erase them, you wouldn't want to, every moment You spent with Tozzie, makes another little link it the chain that bound the two of you together during that time good or bad. they are precious times to be brought up later in your life. It hurts yes but it will bring smiles as you look back an think of all that you shared together, the loss you feel now will be replaced with other more pleasant thoughts an Of those happier times! I too will mourn her! I will also try to Imagine those happier times, you must have had a lot that made you Love an Feel so strongly about her.
    Some time maybe you will share those, I would like to hear one or two.
  5. carebear35

    carebear35 Active Member

    Petal, you'll be surprised. I told my former psychologist about how I was feeling about Tozzie's death. She basically told me, "It's just a cat. What's the big deal?" True-Lee, Tozzie was a very talkative cat, she particularly loved my mother. She had a firey temper. We got her as a kitten and so watched her grow up. She was the boss. Our older cat made even a slight noise and she'd storm right down and beat him up. I've been trying to post a photo of her, but I don't quite know how to do that.
  6. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    CareBear, Little did I know when I posted my last message above, I would lose one of my Precious Ones, I have a Mother cat to this One that I lost. Every day two or thress times she walks around my house looking for her baby! She cries for her quite loudly. Her baby was Smootsie, she was 18 yrs old I just had found out the week before she had Thyroid Issues I took her to the Vet, He gave me a perscription, I was treating her. the Vet said bring her back in two weeks, well one week after bringing her to the vet, she stopped eating, I called the Vet I could not get her in to see him, he said to discontinue the meds,bring her in on the following Monday, this was on last thursday a week ago! That night she started crying I could not do anything about it 7 pm she fell down an Never got up again, she dided in my arms about 3 am Friday Morning, I have never in my life Felt so helpless I buried her the next morning. I called the Vet's an told them what occured I was Told, well she was old she had a good life! I said Well I will be doing any future business with my Loved ones some place else!
    I was present at her birth, she bonded with me, her mother was a Petite Calico cat she gave me 4 beautiful babes but Smootsie was stuck an Hooked on me as the bond made at birth was until death. Not a day goes by that I have not cried. You asked why is it so hard, I so wish I could answer, but I think even were I able to get over it I would not, that Precious little One gave me such joy over those years I owe her at least that much, I think I owe her more! From the time of Her Birth, she was there for me, I could never give her up for anything, she always talked to me, coming in going out eating getting on my bed most recently she cried to come down the ladder, that she could climb up but for some reason she would not come down the ladder,she would cry until I came an Brought her down, Quite loudly if I was to long, I loved her, she started that yowling from the time she was old enough to be aware of my presence. It is missed! ............... I have to stop, I am to emotional to Continue, I was just going to Laugh thinking about her Cries! but can't go on just now
  7. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Please don't be haunted by your decision, you did what was best for your cat and have nothing to reproach yourself for.

    As to people who say "It's just a cat get over it", quite frankly they can go to hell, they have no idea how much a pet can add to your life, or how strong the bonds between animal and human can be.
    TBH I pity them for they are the losers.
  8. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Terry, "I" know that, but My best never seems to be enough, I believe you may have been talking to CareBear but those words could apply to me as well, I have and will be forever haunted by my decision, I made the 2 poor decision in her care. I try to sympathsie
    with her mother whe she starts crying for her babe, First I hardly heard her cry at all, an she is 18 years old, Smootsie always went upstairs to be alone or to get on my bed to have her throat scratched, when Callie cried it was always a small voice fitting her size, now she sounds just Like Smootsie did, Callie weighs about 5 or 6 lbs, smootsie weighed 10 an some times more, Every Time she Cries now I do too! I can understamd even though I cannot rationalize it, She does not understand, but to me she feels that loss, with that cry, it is vocalized. She is just now, being as Vocal as her Kitten was! I Miss Her So Much!

    I have lost 3 Cats, 1 each now, 3 years In a row each lost within a month of the previous, I had lost 2 cats previous since my living here,
    They both were older 1/2 Brothers I got them with in a year of Each other, the both Died at 16 years of age The First Of an Impacted
    gall Bladder While the vet was treating him for Diabetes, which he did have, His 1/2 Brother Died a Year Later at 16 of cancer! I loved them as well.
  9. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I had a run of losing guinea pigs for a couple of years.
    It was awful and I kept asking myself what was I doing wrong.
    The vet told me I had just been unlucky, as 2 of them had genetic abnormalities; but still that nagging little voice of, "You didn't do enough or quick enough", nagged at me.
    I think this feeling of guilt might be due to grief, as I had the same feelings when my father died.

    All the pets you have mentioned were at more senior ages, I think you did all you could, and take comfort in the fact that they were obviously much loved and I bet they knew it.
  10. carebear35

    carebear35 Active Member

    I had a dream last night about Tozzie. It sent a fear through me. I deamt I was in the crematorium just watching as Tozzie's lifeless body was incinerated. The vet had asked if I wanted to be there and I'm sorry but I can't be in the same room as my best friend when she dies.