Why Me?

[mlxjaded]

Can someone please explain why me?
Why do I have to be depressed and miserable and suicidal.
All the 99.99% of other 16 year olds are having the time of their lives while I'm fucking miserable.
I don't even have a legitimate reason to be like this.
I had an okay childhood. Not too many friends but enough.
I was/am overweight but I was never made fun of that bad.
My parents were okay too. I never got hit undeservingly.
I've always been polite and was always told I would have a bright future.
Well look at me now.
Posting in a suicide forum.
I don't think this is what they meant by my bright future
I am so scared of death but I feel thats my only realistic option.
If it were my choice, I'd just stop everything going on in my life and just be calm.
We all know that's impossible.
I don't know what to do.
Why me?
I don't get it.
I've been okay the past couple weeks.
But now here I am, on easter, alone at home.
My parents went over my aunts and I stayed home because I think I have a cold.
I've had a lot of time to think today and I just can't take it.
I wish everyone would leave me alone so I can just rot.
I have zero energy and zero desire to do anything.
Attempting suicide would be too much effort.
I have no reason to be like this but I am.
Can someone tell me why?
This isn't even all of me.
I am a horrible person.

-edit-
I don't think people understand that, at least for me, depression is a PHYSICAL pain.
It hurts so much.
I don't know how much longer I can take it.

 

[ASolitaryBlue]

mmm im sorry i dont really have any advice, i just wanted to say that im 19, i had an ok childhood and everything like youve said you had, but im hopelessly depressed too. no idea why. seemingly no reason. but it hurts so bad, physically and emotionally. s* hang in there

 

[TheBLA]

I've also shared this feeling. That I should be happy since so many others my age are so happy and having the time of their life. Don't feel bad. I'm sure with your depression, you don't show it out publicly, unlike if you were happy.

The same is with other depressed people your age, they try to hide it as best as they can and all you see in public are happy people. So you feel out of place, feeling like the only depressed person. Trust me, your not. Even I find it hard to believe sometimes.

I've also had good circumstances in my life, nothing traumatic so far, but I'm depressed because of my own mistakes, my own actions that led to my current circumstances of being a "loser".

I do say that please try to get help as soon as possible, don't let it fester on as I have. The sooner you can nip it in the bud, the better. Do it even if your depression tells you not to, which is what my depression tells me. Its just like putting on a different shade of glasses, you see the whole world differently.