I feel constantly depressed. it never stops. no waves, just.. constant.. numbness.. blury world.. depression. just.. UGH. then i met a girl. lets just call her.. Mckenna for now. (not her real name). and she was awesome! she was bubly and happy and jsut what i needed to pull me the f*ck out of this slump.I stopped cutting. got happier, went out more. she was intrested in me! then.. she found out i used to cut. the scars are very obvious when youre swimming and you have many deep scars. she told her mom..(wtf..?) and her mom banned her from every talking to me (wtf...?). so now she hates me. and i have nothing to live for. my scars DQ me from the Marines, self harm is a permanent DQ. and now the girl i love hates me forever. i cant ever take me cutting back. the cutting was supposed to relieve me of my pain. now, its the root of even more pain. i cant livel any more. but What did i do? why do i ahve to be the failure. i should just hang myself. i could shoot myself but itd be took quick. i deserve excrutiating pain.