Why

[Fairlady300zx]

Why do I always feel like this no matter how good of a day I've had etc deep down/ maybe I'm telling myself that's where it is. I always want to go.

 

[Walker]

Hey man. I'm sorry you're feeling bad.
You said you can't stop thinking of dying even when its a good day - is that what you're saying?

 

[Petal]

Hiya, sorry you aren't feeling up to scratch. Do you see any type of professional? It can take years to overcome depression but it is not impossible. I do hope things improve for you soon.

 

[agwoodliffe]

Why do I always feel like this no matter how good of a day I've had etc deep down/ maybe I'm telling myself that's where it is. I always want to go.

Sounds to me like you are struggling with a thing called depression. Contrary to what some say, it is NOT something we all feel at some stage in our lives. It is a serious thing that needs proper care and treatment.