will never stop hating....

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by DarkLordVader, Mar 29, 2014.

  1. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    each and every time some high and mighty asshole moderator throws me out it just fuels the rage inside me.... you people think i have learned my lesson? i will NEVER forget what has been said to me, done to me.... your futile attempts to silence me will end in failure... its not just this place either, its every fucking website ive been too... you want to see the full force of my anger? i know not one person here will give a shit because all i ever get is.... "we tried to help you, you reject us" WELL how does it feel? i have been REJECTED all my life.... doesnt feel good at all, does it?
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Actually it doesn't really bother me that somebody with anger problems is angry. Nobody has made an attempt to silence you as it is easy enough to do on a website such as this. I am still hoping when you return to chat that you will be able to moderate yourself , not for the sake of staff or moderators, but for the other people you hurt when you get angry.

    I am sure it is frustrating to continually hurt other people then look for somebody to blame for being alone. Unfortunately, your self admitted constant anger and rage does in fact cause your problems. I have no idea if you are capable of controlling it even if you wanted to , (which you make clear in repeated posts that you do not) but you also make very clear you are not happy with your life at all. After years of this anger has you to this point, I hope you learn to express yourself in some way that actually improves your quality of life.

    On the occasions when your anger is not all you focus on, you are a smart , engaging, and supportive person and I have seen you help many people in chat when in that frame of mind and you actually seem fairly contented (at least in comparison) when you are like that. It is really too bad that you want to convince yourself that it is somehow more noble to willfully choose to "embrace the anger" that leaves you isolated and and bereft of any happiness in life that is readily there for you if you chose to embrace that side of you instead. The alcohol does, of course, make it far easier to assume the depressed and angry though.

    No , it does not feel good to be rejected, but I do not feel rejected in the least by your words. I just see you rejecting yourself once again on late evening. It is hard to escape rejection when the rejection is coming from yourself darkness.
  3. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    so tell me, what is the deal around here? why is it when a MAN comes here for support they ignore him and when a WOMAN comes here they are welcomed with open arms? how in the fuck is that fair?
  4. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Darkness, I hope that you are, sometime, able to stop hating. Living in constant anger and hatred makes for a miserable life. I certainly get angry and full of hate at times. It is not pleasant, and I am not pleasant when in those moods. I am grateful that those periods in my life are not incredibly long, and am sorry that it appears to be the norm for you. When you come to chat, and anger is not in control, you are absolutely amazing, intelligent and supportive. I hope you can find a way to be like that more often. You would certainly be greeted with more warmth.

    I continue to look forward to your return to chat. And sincerely believe that you can beat this and find happiness in life.
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

  6. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    just another day of people ignoring me and walking away... well fuck them all... they do nothing but fill me with rage, a rage that will always be my lord and savior... my best friend anger always tells me i dont need you people and he is right... all you people do is ignore me every time i come around here... if you people dont want me around then say something, stop being cowards.....
  7. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    i am not going to stop posting here until you either ban me forever or maybe actually walk a fucking mile in my shoes.... i am sick of all these "perfect" people pissing all over me with their lies of prosper...
  8. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    NONE of you know what its like to have uncontrollable rage inside you... you cant even wake up without something sending you over the edge... nobody will ever know nor care, why? BECAUSE they are scared of the unknown...
  9. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I just typed a long reply and decided to delete it as a complete waste of effort. Have a good day Darkness.
  10. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    On the flip side - you don't know exactly what others have gone through unless they fully open up and share it with you. This can be done when you are not in such a foul mood as NYJ no less has pointed out before - you can be engaging and supportive towards others. As has been mentioned to you in the past - some people do not handle angry characters well. But whilst you continue to ply the alcohol/drugs - you'll always add fuel to the fire of that rage. Being clean/sober may not reduce it by much - but it will have a much better chance of reducing the extent of your rage.
  11. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    this is exactly what i wanted to see, you just gave my anger and rage more meaning than ever..... thanks for reminding me again....
  12. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Darkness, I sometimes think you actually like your anger and rage. That you are so accustomed to it, that you can imagine nothing else, that in a strange way, it is your friend. I can't help but think that you will only continue to suffer, until you sincerely want to end your anger and rage. NOT make it a life long companion.
  13. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    it has never hurt me, it has never lied to me, it has never ignored me, it has never abandoned me, it has been nothing but LOYAL to me... my rage, my lord and savior will always be my light in the darkness...
  14. Growing Pains

    Growing Pains Well-Known Member

    I can't speak for them, but I do. Some of us merely express it different. Internally vs externally. The same as we can't know what it is like to be you unless we walk a mile in your shoes, you have no idea what it's like to be us without walking a mile in ours. Everything sends me over the edge. Sitting around waiting for someone to listen to your rage? I get that. It sucks. It sucks so much that sometimes all I can think about is hurting something. Anything.

    You think no one else gets it. You're wrong. I don't know what it's like to be you, and you don't know what it's like to be. Because we are not each other, and we both experience life in different ways. But to assume you are the only one with this uncontrollable, insatiable rage inside you... it's wrong. You're not.
  15. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You're right, I don't know what it's like to be consumed with so much rage. But just because I don't know, doesn't mean I don't care. Even though you feel like nobody cares, there are those of us who do. But I think you keep that shield of anger up as a sort of wall to protect you, to keep everyone else at a distance from you. I know it's because you don't want to get hurt. But I think putting up that shield does cause you pain in some ways.
  16. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    people hurt me... anger and rage wont....
  17. BlueSky

    BlueSky Member

    That just means the people in your life aren't true friends. There are people out there who will accept you for who you are, and those are the people who won't hurt you. Not everyone is bad...
  18. Butterfly

    Butterfly Resident SF Sims Enthusiast Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Actually that's a lie and you are kidding yourself if you believe that. Your anger and rage is what is isolating you from the world. It's your anger and rage that drives people away and it's your anger and rage that is hurting you the most. The problems lies with you and your anger, not others and until you can get a handle on it your life will be a very lonely and hateful place to be.
  19. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Your anger and rage are destroying you.
  20. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I think that it's your anger and rage that are hurting you, they appear to be beneficial but too much of it destroys. It's obviously not working because you're miserable inside...they day you decide to deal with it and listen will be the day you will start to feel better...until then, I guess you'll be hurting yourself.

    I've also noticed that you don't listen to the advice given, you keep asking for help and when help is offered you don't take it and keep screaming no one is helping. You're so busy talking you don't really hear anything. Or see the help offered, people are not giving up on you at all from what I see on this page, the fact that it's two pages long is saying a lot about the people trying to help you...but I'm starting to think you don't want any help...

    and before you start to say I don't know what it's like to have rage inside, I do know what it's like because I have a lot of it. It's energy consuming and very tiring....but I am trying to help myself...and I listen to other people's wisdom...