Actually it doesn't really bother me that somebody with anger problems is angry. Nobody has made an attempt to silence you as it is easy enough to do on a website such as this. I am still hoping when you return to chat that you will be able to moderate yourself , not for the sake of staff or moderators, but for the other people you hurt when you get angry.
I am sure it is frustrating to continually hurt other people then look for somebody to blame for being alone. Unfortunately, your self admitted constant anger and rage does in fact cause your problems. I have no idea if you are capable of controlling it even if you wanted to , (which you make clear in repeated posts that you do not) but you also make very clear you are not happy with your life at all. After years of this anger has you to this point, I hope you learn to express yourself in some way that actually improves your quality of life.
On the occasions when your anger is not all you focus on, you are a smart , engaging, and supportive person and I have seen you help many people in chat when in that frame of mind and you actually seem fairly contented (at least in comparison) when you are like that. It is really too bad that you want to convince yourself that it is somehow more noble to willfully choose to "embrace the anger" that leaves you isolated and and bereft of any happiness in life that is readily there for you if you chose to embrace that side of you instead. The alcohol does, of course, make it far easier to assume the depressed and angry though.
No , it does not feel good to be rejected, but I do not feel rejected in the least by your words. I just see you rejecting yourself once again on late evening. It is hard to escape rejection when the rejection is coming from yourself darkness.
