Will someone even read this?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by StarsSeeker, Jul 1, 2013.

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  1. StarsSeeker

    StarsSeeker Member

    Hey non existent reader... Im nothing. I cant even choose things by myself and am very dependent. Im fat, at my highest right now and have been ana for a year or so... Its been so confusing but my "best" days where those when I fasted for so long I could barely walk, was too weak. A friend has been trying to get me to try to recover, which I honestly have tries but all I have left is the urge to be fit, sometimes. Other times I am at the gym and all I can think of is how much my net intake is and how when I am skinny I can try lifting a bit more weight than I do now. I cant stop staring at this blondie at the gym, she's fiiiit and my idol. Unfortunately, ana still controls me and I am going to be skinny( not skeleton like) and then get fit... If ana lets me free ofc. Sounds right?
     
  2. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you have ana, that must be really hard. Do you have professional support for it?

    I think that idealizing skinny people is not a good thing...because you're not focusing on the real problem, just the surface...have you thought of what would happen if you lost all the weight you need to lose? generally it won't change your self worth to lose the weight...I don't mean to be discouraging...losing the weight is a great thing if it causes you illnesses and stuff...but, maybe the root of the problem lies elsewhere...
     
  3. StarsSeeker

    StarsSeeker Member

    Yet, atm ana is a coping mechanism for me and there for I need it. It feels right. I know the roots , and they are several of them... But the biggest one is just a word. "Words"
     
  4. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I see...well do what you think is right...sometimes it hard to stop things...I know for me it's hard to give up stuff...so I totally understand...maybe venting away could help? so keep writing here :) and I hope you feel better...
     
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi. I am so sorry that you are in the grip of Ana. I call it the great deceiver. It tricks people into thinking they are in control. When the real truth is the disease is in control. The tricks are many. From "the voice of ana" to the heights of body Dysmorphia. Its wrath on people and families is devisating.

    I myself have been a starver. And I do have body dysmorphia. It ruined my health and hair ( which never recovered from falling out). But it never completely took me over. I was able to get out from its grip. I am fortunate that way. I love many people who are not as fortunate as I. It, over time, took them over. More and more. Some of them have hearts that are permanantly damaged. And more. They still live being owned by the disease. I never want to see that happen to anyone. Anorexia is a heart breaking condition, to be sure. I hope you can find your way to strength.......To recovery.
     
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