I am having a work crisis. I am a registered nurse and I am the deputy manager of a nursing home. I love my job, especially the clinical side of things but I don't think I am doing my job justice. My manager has been picking at me for some time. My rota is split between 2 days clinical and 2 days office. I pick up extra shifts where I can. I will do anything to help my work out. However, when there is annual leave I end up doing 4 clinical a week which leaves no time to do my office work. But I am still expected to do it. Our night nurse has gone back to the Phillipines for a month. So I said I would cover some night shifts. My boss asked me what I would work, and if I would like any office days. I said yes. I saw her pencil it in the rota. However when our shifts came out, there were no office days. I didn't think too much of it. But then I find out that my boss has been bitching about me. She was telling a colleague how swamped she is, and that "she" (meaning me) didn't want any office days. Which was simply not true. It was not so long ago that she accused me of being a liar over an incident with a resident. I feel like I cannot win and I am not sure I want the extra hassle of being a deputy any more. My colleagues all like working with me because I am calm and laid back and have said they would want me to be manager. But I am not sure I want that. It's affecting my mental health. I have had such a rough few weeks. The night nurse is responsible for all the meds orders, booking in and cycle changeover. I have had to take that on and it's given me so much stress because I am worried that I will fuck them up. 2 weeks ago I worked a 12 hour shift, then stayed until 4.15am doing the approval and booking in and I didn't finish it so I had to go back to work on my day off to finish it off. I am drained. And I get no thanks. I'm not sure what to do.
Work Dilemma
- Thread starter Butterfly
- Start date
I would say to try to know, first and foremost--for/or to "Yourself," just 'how much, is too much?' ...And then once you've answered that -- you've got to find some way of communicating these needs (almost more as, or like, demands) to your superior or the one who is in charge. So, I don't mean playing hardball, or being standoffish, or rude about it. High road, take it or leave it. But rather, being firm in your expectations, or more, your clearly stated things with which you are open & comfortable with taking on. For to do moreso, or more than that, will or could put you under. Or in the least of these, make you a lot more stressed & in distressed (and not necessarily a full-blown relapse, or breakdown of sorts - but let's hope it wouldn't or won't ever come to that). So, in other words, the problem, as I see it, is two-fold. First off, identifying what you can take on, without any problematic side-effects on yourself, and your health. Yes it is indeed in fact nice to help out. That is noteworthy, but at what cost? Do you really help them, by sacrificing so much of yourself, and therefore then, jeopordizing your own health. It's very easy to get caught up in the wanting to please them factor. Or helping them out mindset, but this can clearly be over-done, and to what effect? As for the gossip, I wouldn't waste too much time nor energy on that. It speaks volumes on her character alone, and doesn't have a thing to do with you. Her ways or M. O. will be revealed to others through or by these actions. You can store it, and file it away. But I would not let it fester. And drive me insane. Because, at the end of the day, who cares what she thinks of you, personally or professionally? All you can do is focus on doing the best job you can, and giving the best or highest quality of care, no matter what division it is you happen to be in at the time. If she wants to complain and vent her frustrations to others, more power to her. Let her reputation follow her around. Then, secondly, sorry for the detour... Make sure you stand up for yourself, don't get talked into, or persuaded by others, don't allow their pressures, coerce you into taking on more than you could/should/would accept. Communicate these needs effectively, and efficiently to them. You don't have to get or be all dramatic about it. Just state it simply. This is what I can do. That is what I cannot, or will not be willing to accept. I will not be able to do my job effectively or well if I am drowning in other peoples' messes, or responsibilities. Think of it, almost like a debt, that you can't afford to take any more water in/on. . . or you may risk "sinking ship~!*
." (that's just my two thoughts, not that they mean much, or carry much, but there you go... middle of the night 'brain drops,') : D
." (that's just my two thoughts, not that they mean much, or carry much, but there you go... middle of the night 'brain drops,') : D
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@Butterfly I can relate all too well with your post.
First, I send you
s as know how difficult this situation is as sounds so similar to what I endured....Balancing a sense of responsibility - respected by fellow colleagues & I am sure too by the residents under your care knowing you but not by boss- unrealistic demands due to diminished staff- passive aggressive/toxic manager who deflects blame for their own mismanagement & resorts to personal attacks.
I agree with @MisterBGone's post... .
Remember that you are the most important person in this situation - This is my word of the day which seemed so apt and yet is so easy to forget or put on the back burner but so important.....
If your compassion does not include yourself it is incomplete. -Jack Kornfield
Remember that you are a responsible, dedicated, professional RN whom deserves to be treated with mutual respect and support so you can provide the best care for those under your care. Never doubt this.
Every situation is different --- and hope not overstepping but some ideas that might be helpful
- document each "interaction" with your manger to demonstrate a pattern of behavior (a pain I realize but can provide an objective rather than anecdotal recollections)
- as much as possible use written means to communicate with your manager (texts or emails) and/or send confirmation emails/texts following verbal interactions
-establishing boundaries is so difficult when dealing with unreasonable demands- but doing sooner rather than later is so important - I wondered if you have an internal support there (like a union?) as they can be of some assistance or if you can discuss the situation with a "higher up".
-Having documentation about the situation will assist in this as then you are perceived as the professional employee seeking mutual solutions to having a colleague be off for a month which is a significant impactful situation on everyone
-Setting boundaries as you are doing is so important. I struggled with being a people pleaser far more than you but thought the following might be helpful from an article that I recently read about boundaries...
Setting boundaries says - My time is valuable vs. my boundaries are flexible feel free to push them - My work is meaningful vs. My time is less important than your request - I have strategic priories vs. I'll prioritize your needs over mine.
Clearly define your personal and professional boundaries. Identify what you're comfortable with and what you're not willing to compromise. That means learning how to say no when necessary.
It's okay to push back or prioritize your own needs. Practice assertive communication without over-explaining or apologizing excessively. Ensure you allocate time and energy for your own goals, and don't feel guilty about it.
Establishing boundaries helps you prioritize strategic work and focus on making a bigger impact. It also communicates that you value your time and contributions.
Apologies for the long response...sending heartfelts and encourage you to keep posting as know others here will have good advice/suggestions too....
And never forget....
"You Is Smart, You Is Kind, You Is Important" - movie, The Help
First, I send you
s as know how difficult this situation is as sounds so similar to what I endured....Balancing a sense of responsibility - respected by fellow colleagues & I am sure too by the residents under your care knowing you but not by boss- unrealistic demands due to diminished staff- passive aggressive/toxic manager who deflects blame for their own mismanagement & resorts to personal attacks.I agree with @MisterBGone's post... .
Remember that you are the most important person in this situation - This is my word of the day which seemed so apt and yet is so easy to forget or put on the back burner but so important.....
If your compassion does not include yourself it is incomplete. -Jack Kornfield
Remember that you are a responsible, dedicated, professional RN whom deserves to be treated with mutual respect and support so you can provide the best care for those under your care. Never doubt this.
Every situation is different --- and hope not overstepping but some ideas that might be helpful
- document each "interaction" with your manger to demonstrate a pattern of behavior (a pain I realize but can provide an objective rather than anecdotal recollections)
- as much as possible use written means to communicate with your manager (texts or emails) and/or send confirmation emails/texts following verbal interactions
-establishing boundaries is so difficult when dealing with unreasonable demands- but doing sooner rather than later is so important - I wondered if you have an internal support there (like a union?) as they can be of some assistance or if you can discuss the situation with a "higher up".
-Having documentation about the situation will assist in this as then you are perceived as the professional employee seeking mutual solutions to having a colleague be off for a month which is a significant impactful situation on everyone
-Setting boundaries as you are doing is so important. I struggled with being a people pleaser far more than you but thought the following might be helpful from an article that I recently read about boundaries...
Setting boundaries says - My time is valuable vs. my boundaries are flexible feel free to push them - My work is meaningful vs. My time is less important than your request - I have strategic priories vs. I'll prioritize your needs over mine.
Clearly define your personal and professional boundaries. Identify what you're comfortable with and what you're not willing to compromise. That means learning how to say no when necessary.
It's okay to push back or prioritize your own needs. Practice assertive communication without over-explaining or apologizing excessively. Ensure you allocate time and energy for your own goals, and don't feel guilty about it.
Establishing boundaries helps you prioritize strategic work and focus on making a bigger impact. It also communicates that you value your time and contributions.
Apologies for the long response...sending heartfelt
s and encourage you to keep posting as know others here will have good advice/suggestions too....And never forget....
"You Is Smart, You Is Kind, You Is Important" - movie, The Help
Also, do they not have substitutes, or "fill-in's" of some kind or sort, for situations like these? I know it's not that lengthy a gap, or spot maybe. So different than some, or most. And your given place may differ and create some complications of its own. Depending on size & connections and so forth. But regardless, the burden is not yours to bear.
Any job where your boss has it in for you seems like a lost cause to me, and I would start looking for something similar elsewhere.
If you decide to stick it out, there's a guy Dan O'Connor on Youtube (Wizard of Words) who does videos about workplace assertiveness, gossip and bullying. He's really good.
If you decide to stick it out, there's a guy Dan O'Connor on Youtube (Wizard of Words) who does videos about workplace assertiveness, gossip and bullying. He's really good.
It seems that rather than one big issue you have a lot of small issues that are all combining to put you under too much stress. You might expect that small issues are easier to resolve then a big issue but that is only the case when the other side is willing and it doesn’t sound like they will be. The most likely outcome of you trying to resolve these things is that the manger will go defensive and will isolate each issue to make it look like you are making a mountain out of a molehill and nothing will change. If it is an option, perhaps you could consider giving up being the deputy manager and continue on as a nurse. However, it might be better to just look for another job. It’s best to look for a new job when you are at this stage rather than letting the situation become even worse and then become so desperate that you can’t be picky about your new job.
I'm not sure how the law and support services work in the UK, but in the US you have certain legal protections and access to support services related to work if you have a disability.
In principle, there might be a disability advocate of some form who could intervene on your behalf and try to negotiate some reasonable accommodations related to your work.
I also agree with comments above that working with a boss that has it in for you is a tough situation, and it might be better to look for a job elsewhere. Hopefully there will be an opportunity to work someplace where your disability is understood and your requirements are respected. In principle, a disability advocate might be able to help you find and opportunity like this.
In principle, there might be a disability advocate of some form who could intervene on your behalf and try to negotiate some reasonable accommodations related to your work.
I also agree with comments above that working with a boss that has it in for you is a tough situation, and it might be better to look for a job elsewhere. Hopefully there will be an opportunity to work someplace where your disability is understood and your requirements are respected. In principle, a disability advocate might be able to help you find and opportunity like this.