Yes...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by LiverpoolFTW, Aug 11, 2007.

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  1. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    I'm depressed. There just isn't any way out for me. There is just more misery and its never ending. Nothing makes me happy. What is the point?
     
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I ask myself this everyday.
    I live for hope, and because im gutless.
     
  3. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    I dont really want to be dead. I want a happier life, and i'm incapable of getting that so i get very miserable. I sometimes tell myself the point is that one day i'll get the life i want and be happier. It just never happens.
     
  4. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    yeh i tell myself that too.
    It's great to see you want to be happy :) beats giving up!
     
  5. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    If i didn't have hope i'd already be gone. The hope doesn't leave me. But i know i'll be on my death bed as an old man and it will all have been one painful waste of time.

    Thanks for you smile :)
     
  6. Feared.Desire

    Feared.Desire Well-Known Member

    Maybe so. Id try and talk you out of it and tell you that everything is great, but I'd be lying to you as well as myself.

    A reason that's kept me here, (even though I've attempted to make it otherwise once before) is because both my sisters were raised by my mother, and me, by my father. And my father is the nicest person known to man-kind, and I couldn't kill myself knowing he would put it on himself.

    I think one thing that helps, is find one person who cares about you. (Mind you, my person isn't my father, but a good example none-the-less).

    Point being, you may not want to be here, but someone else may want you here. And if you care for other people more than yourself, do it for them.

    I am here to please others, and to get them where and what they want, because I have no reason for myself.

    So, what's the point? To me, thats the point.
     
  7. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    Apart from family there has never been anyone who cared about me much. Or else i've had people but i was in such a bad place i couldn't feel that they cared. This is a major problem for me. I've never felt loved.

    I do currently have an online friend who perhaps cares about me. We talk on the phone too and she'll probly invite me to go see her at some point. But i'm not really rational when it comes to her or anyone else. I was depressed and made this post about her really, because she didnt reply to a text, and i got it into my head she didnt want to know me. But it was all in my head and we're on msn at the moment. I will of course muck this friendship up. I always do.

    I dont care about myself either. I could live for someone else like you, but there is no one who wants me to live for them at the moment, and probly never will be.
     
  8. Feared.Desire

    Feared.Desire Well-Known Member

    Well, I try to live for them, but I can relate to that. When they don't reply to a text in your head you twist it into thinking clearly over reacting thoughts.
    Today I was talking to her, and I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie (we were talking with alot of smilies and what not) and when she just said 'sure' and nothing else I started thinking if she really wanted to go at all, or if she really wanted to see me again, etc...
    I've had my share of messing up friendships. My closest friend stopped seeing my for 7 months straight because I got addicted to drugs, only last week did we hang out for one night again..
    And, question. Is she a friend that lives far away, or a friend that you only talk to online but lives close?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 11, 2007
  9. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    I can't say i understand friendship or love...generally i just dont get people. This wouldn't be a problem if i knew and understood myself, but i dont. I think i have to understand myself in relation to others, and since i dont have any significant others i'm just lost.

    The online friend i have lives half the UK away, this isn't a problem for me, i dont like travel but she isn't half way around the world. I know she means more to me than i do to her which isn't so good. But neither do i mean nothing to her. So as ever i'm confused...
     
  10. Feared.Desire

    Feared.Desire Well-Known Member

    Ive given up on trying to understand myself, I make no sense to myself at all..
    Love, I dont understand either, but friendship...
    When you talk to her, do you tell her secrets you'd never tell anyone else, or she tell you things she wouldn't tell others? If not, I suggest trying. . Finding a trusted person can help more than anything else. .
    In my opinion..
     
  11. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    Opening up is hard to do, takes me ages. Perhaps she could be that person but not at the moment. I can never totally open up online, or in person come to that, perhaps this is one of my problems.

    I was moody with her tonight, she annoyed me a little, so we didnt talk for long. I can't even do that properly.
     
  12. Feared.Desire

    Feared.Desire Well-Known Member

    I s'pose this could sound a bit cruel, but..
    The fact that you don't see her could help. With my trusted one, at first I never really saw her. I met her over msn, and we talked over msn for a long time, and then I met her awhile after. (She only knew one of my friends, and it was I s'pose my luck she didn't tell that one person). So, point being ...
    If you don't actually know them, if things go sour, you can stop talking to them for awhile, or forever.
    And most people, (and by most I mean nearly all people) have no idea how to deal with someone who's depressed, unfortunatly.
    But ya, opening up to people is difficult, most people arn't worth your trust, or your time.
    But for as long as we're here, we may as well try. Right?
     
  13. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    One of my fears is that she will stop talking to me, but it hasn't happened yet, altho she does do a bunk for a few days here or there.

    I can't work her out at all to be honest. She says she'll meet me at some point but there's no time scale, she says she wants to be friends, but she's a single female and she's mentioned she'd like a boyfriend. But she isn't really encouraging in any substantial way. On the plus side she doesn't mind me being a plank. At one extreme i've told her i love her and on the other i'm scared of her. She doesn't really bat an eyelid to any of that which is just as well really lol.

    I think i need to be as chilled as she is, but i find that difficult. I suppose nothing will come of this but i can never work out anything really...
     
  14. Feared.Desire

    Feared.Desire Well-Known Member

    I usualy hate saying this, because its about as corney as it can get, but...
    Have you talked to her about it at all?
    Or. . . Does she even kind of know how you feel?
    (Well, now that I've said both of the most cliche lines known to man-kind). I know you said you have problems opening up to people, but shouldn't you atleast try to hint at somethings...

    How long have you known her?
     
  15. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    I think she has an idea of how i feel. But i'm fairly sure she doesn't feel the same. She likes me but doesn't want to spend as much time with me as i'd like. For example tonight she's probly online, but she's not on msn, i text her but no reply, i could call her but if she doesn't want to be on msn or text she probly doesn't want to talk either. She might reply or turn up later, maybe she wont, she's like that with everyone i think. I am getting bored of this of course, so i expect to reach some sort of equilibrium in my mind sooner or later. But it hasn't happened yet lol.

    I've known her online for about a year. But she doesn't have regular internet access, so i only talked to her on msn a couple of times a month until about a month ago when we began talking on the phone.
     
  16. Feared.Desire

    Feared.Desire Well-Known Member

    Well, if you've been friends with her for a full year, I dont think you have to worry about her just stop talking to you... For me a year would be a LONG time, so I'm impressed.
    Save for this one lady, whos situation with me seems almost the same. I only talked to her occasionally, and now we talk almost daily. But, just like you, I care more for her than I ever expect her to care for me.
    And her not answering sometimes, everyone needs their alone time, right? Where they just ignore all kinds of calls and messages for a periode of time.
     
  17. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    She didn't come on MSN last night but she did reply to my text at about 2am. She let me know what she was up to, sent hugs and said chat soon. Everyone needs space yeah and even if she doesn't want to chat she doesn't ignore me, but i'd like all of her free time.

    I suppose at some point i will tell her i have a crush on her and see what she does with it. Perhaps she doesn't know, perhaps she knows but chooses to overlook it, perhaps she knows and she'll get to know me more in her own time. I just dont know lol.
     
  18. Feared.Desire

    Feared.Desire Well-Known Member

    Makes sense.
    But I caution one thing.. if your intention is to try and start a long distance relationship, just be cautious. Sometimes anything more than close friends, came make things akward, and cause problems... Um, lemme think of an example...
    Say shes the one you talk to about everything, you start dating her, and then you have a problem with her. Who do you talk to? Then, if she finds out you told someone else and not her, she gets displeased, so on and so forth, never ending complications.
    Although, I also support the idea of opening up to her at somepoint.
    It's a complicated situation...to say the least.
    But if she answered your text, clearly she does want to talk to you often. Because I doubt she texts all of her friends, every night telling them she'll be on soon. :)
     
  19. LiverpoolFTW

    LiverpoolFTW Guest

    I've been the pub and i've had some drinks, i was going to text her and say i have a crush on her to see what reaction i get. But now i've thought better of it. I have told her in drunken texts i love her before, but we weren't so close then, so i'm wary now. I guess i do need to open up a bit more, but the timing eludes me completely...I dont understand people in general, less so women, and myself not at all...
     
  20. Feared.Desire

    Feared.Desire Well-Known Member

    You got so close to her being the way you are, so you don't have to worry about that so much.
    Timing? I don't think you can really plan have an honest, close moment with someone.
    Hell, if you have to be drunk when you do it, then you have to be drunk when you do it. Well, not plastered, that probably wouldn't end well, but, well.. Its hard to put, and it may be a very unwise decision, but alc. can make people emotional and make it easier to talk with someone, could end up helping, but...
    I dont know, its kind of a touchy situation, as I've said.
    If you've been friends for awhile, I don't think there is any reason to rush it. She isn't going anywhere. You can take your time, and let it come naturally.
     
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