Last sunday was supposed to be the last day for me; i reached my breaking point and decided i couldnt be here anymore.
A couple of days before that, i wrote my goodbye letter in a moment where i was feeling down, and left it at the desk in my room. The next day my mom found and read it, and asked me what it meant, since she thought it was an "im leaving home" letter instead of a suicide note; we argued and discussed and didnt talk to each other the next days.
I finally quit my job cause i couldnt take all the stress and pressure anymore, my boss called me and got super mad at me for leaving the job just like that, and i felt super guilty... basically it was the worst weekend of my life.
So, on sunday i decided i was done with all of this, <mod edit - methods> and decided the time had come...but when everything was almost ready, i got super scared, and started crying, i wasnt sure i could do it, but i wanted to, so i messaged a friend to say goodbye to him. He obviously became worried and ask where i was, and begged me not to do anything dumb, he drove while we were talking on the phone and arrived at my house right on time.
I think i've never cried that much and felt as vulnerable as i did that moment; my friend hugged me and listened to everything i had to let out, conforted me and stayed with me until my mom arrived. He told her what happened, or rather what could've happened had he not arrived on time; when he left me and my mom talked for a long time, she said she loved me and wanted to help me somehow, so it seems im getting professional help and therapy pretty soon.
I dont know if its gonna work in the end, but i suppose i can give it a try...
A couple of days before that, i wrote my goodbye letter in a moment where i was feeling down, and left it at the desk in my room. The next day my mom found and read it, and asked me what it meant, since she thought it was an "im leaving home" letter instead of a suicide note; we argued and discussed and didnt talk to each other the next days.
I finally quit my job cause i couldnt take all the stress and pressure anymore, my boss called me and got super mad at me for leaving the job just like that, and i felt super guilty... basically it was the worst weekend of my life.
So, on sunday i decided i was done with all of this, <mod edit - methods> and decided the time had come...but when everything was almost ready, i got super scared, and started crying, i wasnt sure i could do it, but i wanted to, so i messaged a friend to say goodbye to him. He obviously became worried and ask where i was, and begged me not to do anything dumb, he drove while we were talking on the phone and arrived at my house right on time.
I think i've never cried that much and felt as vulnerable as i did that moment; my friend hugged me and listened to everything i had to let out, conforted me and stayed with me until my mom arrived. He told her what happened, or rather what could've happened had he not arrived on time; when he left me and my mom talked for a long time, she said she loved me and wanted to help me somehow, so it seems im getting professional help and therapy pretty soon.
I dont know if its gonna work in the end, but i suppose i can give it a try...
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