Fuck, isn't it dryly amusing how just a short little song can trigger an episode? Gah... I was listening to "You Don't Know" from the play Next To Normal and I could relate to it so much, it set me off; because it just reminded me that no one does know.
That irks me more than anything, when my mum or my boyfriend or my psychologist will say "I understand" or "I know what you're going through" -- No! You don't know! So stop fucking pretending like you do! You couldn't possibly begin to understand what it's like to be me!
You don't know what it's like to always be trying and ultimately failing to mentally run away because you're scared of yourself. You don't know what it's like to wake up in the morning with no energy or willpower to get out of bed because of a horrible episode you had the night before. And you dont know how those feel, either, the episodes; severe depression or mania or panic attacks brought on because you know no one knows, no one understands completely.
You don't know what it's like to just want to curl over and die because you've lost pleasure in absolutely everything and haven't a reason to keep going, but you do anyways only because you don't have enough energy to end yourself...
So no, you don't know. Doesn't matter what I say, or however I explain it; you'll never understand because you've never struggled like this. So just stop saying you know.
That irks me more than anything, when my mum or my boyfriend or my psychologist will say "I understand" or "I know what you're going through" -- No! You don't know! So stop fucking pretending like you do! You couldn't possibly begin to understand what it's like to be me!
You don't know what it's like to always be trying and ultimately failing to mentally run away because you're scared of yourself. You don't know what it's like to wake up in the morning with no energy or willpower to get out of bed because of a horrible episode you had the night before. And you dont know how those feel, either, the episodes; severe depression or mania or panic attacks brought on because you know no one knows, no one understands completely.
You don't know what it's like to just want to curl over and die because you've lost pleasure in absolutely everything and haven't a reason to keep going, but you do anyways only because you don't have enough energy to end yourself...
So no, you don't know. Doesn't matter what I say, or however I explain it; you'll never understand because you've never struggled like this. So just stop saying you know.
