I can't believe it's been 20 years since you've died...time always goes by too fast. I remember the night it happened, I was laying in bed because I had to get up early for school in the morning. I couldn't sleep for some reason, and my mom got the phone call. When I found out what happened, I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I didn't cry at my grandma's funeral, even when everyone else was, because I had never experienced death before. But by now I knew all about that kind of loss, and I didn't understand why I had lost the 2 most important people in my life only 5 months apart. No one else in the family cares about me that much, and it all went downhill from there. You had tried to kill yourself before, but this still came as a shock to me. I didn't get the chance to go to your funeral, and I still don't know where you're buried. When I find out, I'll visit you, because it's been a long time coming. I remember when I heard a voice saying my name--I knew it was you, and that you were assuring me that you were still there. My mom heard a voice saying her name at one point, so then I knew for sure I wasn't imagining it. Not many people believe me, and I can't find a more reasonable explanation for it. You were shunned because of your illness, you were deemed as crazy and stupid. But I knew you were an intelligent and insightful person; your letters to my mother are proof of that. You loved her, you loved me and you loved my sister. You wanted us all to have better lives, but it hasn't been good since, and I don't know if it will ever be again. If you were still here, I bet you would still be with mom, you might have had more children, and the family will still be together. My sister hasn't talked to me in years, and we live in the same town, how sad is that? I don't even know what she looks like anymore or who she's become. If you were still here, maybe we wouldn't be estranged. We've all been affected in different ways. Even after all this time, it still has the power to make me cry. You said you'd never do it because life always gets better, but it didn't, and I fear I'm down the same path. As much pain as this has caused me, I understand why you did it, and I've never been mad at you. If things don't get better soon, I'm sure you will understand if I join you.