Zero confidence is causing problems

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by PaigehBabeh, Mar 23, 2013.

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  1. PaigehBabeh

    PaigehBabeh Member

    Hi everyone, I thought this may be the most appropriate place to post this but I apologise if it isn't.

    So, I've basically hit that age where I feel like a relationship would be quite nice for me. The only problem is my confidence levels.

    My problem is that I just don't feel comfortable about the way I look. I'm not what guys want, they all want slim, beautiful ladies and I'm not slim and I don't feel beautiful. I see other women my weight and they look so beautiful to me, but then I look in the mirror and I basically feel sick from myself. I hate myself. I had a boyfriend last year for a little while, but he cheated on me and treated me so bad at the end of our relationship, this also contributes to my feelings of worthlessness and having no confidence.

    I have suffered from depression and anxiety for around 6 years now, from a very young age. I just want someone there for me to care for me and protect me.

    A guy I have been speaking to on the internet wants to meet me later on today (it's like 5:20am here at the moment), he seems really genuine and kind. We have mutual friends so I know he's not someone out to get me or anything (just to clear that up). I really would love to, but I just feel like he won't like me. He keeps saying he will and that I don't need to be worried but there's still a mental block in my head telling me otherwise. I'm also so scared to get hurt again, I'm tired of pain and being hurt, it's all I ever experience.

    I guess I'm looking for some advice, some help, some confidence building, your thoughts... Anything. Please help me.

  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I feel the same way about myself...all I really see is someone unattractive, no matter how many people say good things about me. I chalk it up to past experiences, when people made me feel unworthy, and it really killed my self-confidence. It seems that may have happened to you a bit. People can be cruel, but try not to take it to heart. A lot of times, people will treat others badly if they are feeling badly themselves. It shouldn't happen, and there's no excuse for it, but they may be acting out of insecurity. Yes, there are bad people in the world, but there are still decent people, and not everyone will hurt you. I say meet the guy, see what happens, and if he doesn't like you for any reason, don't pay him anymore mind. I always think people won't accept me either, but I've come to find the more you accept yourself, the more others will. Start seeing the good person you are, try and be more confident...I know that's not easy, but it's worth a try.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun you have to care for you and protect you ok you do that and others will see your strength you do have inside you . What others think of you hun i know it matters to you but it should not it is what you think of you hun If you can get help from a therapist to help increase your self esteem that would be best move Looking for someone to come in and do those things hun will not help you you need to get support to help your mind change ok hugs
  4. Much afraid

    Much afraid Well-Known Member

    Hi Paige. Total Eclipse is right - help with improving how you feel about yourself is the best place to start.

    I am so familiar with what you've noted you're looking for - someone to care and protect. I think we're groomed from a young age to look for and expect that in life. Unfortunately people are all flawed and let us down even when they're trying not to do that. We probably give them too much power and place them high on pedestals because we so long to love someone and have them love us in return; to have them tell us that even though we don't like ourselves for one reason or another they do.

    I suggest we try to enjoy today and those who are in our lives for today. Meet your friend and be safe, don't worry about tomorrow, just enjoy today's encounter and remember you mean a lot to them. You mean so much that they want to spend time with you and to know you better. ♥
  5. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Paige hi there.. First off did you meet up with guy th other day??? If no what happened?? If yes, how did it go???

    TE is right the right psych help can make everything easier and better.. Are you on any meds??? Enough questions for now.. Curious how you are doing now and would love to hear from you again..Jim
  6. skinnylove911

    skinnylove911 Well-Known Member

    Hey Paige

    i definitely know how that feels, I have poor self image and body issues myself. So I know how it feels. Hugs. Anyway the best thing you need to do is start slowly at improving yourself confidence, if you need to lose a couple of pound then lose a few. But start slowly and hopefully your self confidence will improve good luck.
  7. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I'm not slim either, but men like that. Not all men but they do. You could join a bbw (big beautiful women) and post pics of yourself to get boost. People will find you beautiful and it's a great boost to hear it often. I did that for a while and I was amazed at how many guys genuinely loved the way I looked and wanted to talk with me. Of course there are always those guys who want sex, but you can dismiss them easily.

    Often when we don't find each other beautiful we expect the world to think that way too but it doesn't work that way. If he says he likes you, let him. You'll see soon enough if he lies or it's the truth. :) let us know what happened with the date!

    edit: forgot to say that confidence builds gotta take it one day at a time and keep going up
  8. PaigehBabeh

    PaigehBabeh Member

    Hi everyone,

    I just want to thank you all for your kind words. They were the push I needed to meet him.

    So, I finally did on Monday. I was so nervous but I'm really proud of myself for getting past it. He gave me a big hug when I first saw him and we spent a few hours together. It got a little late (like half 9) and despite not knowing his way around my area, he walked me all the way home and made sure I was safe. We spoke for a while before he left because he didn't want to go. We held hands as we hung out etc, he made me feel good and I will be seeing him again very soon! :)

    I just want to thank you all for your kind messages, they have helped. I really hope this is a step in building my confidence because I hate not having any.

    Paige x
  9. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Aww, well I'm glad things went so great for you. I hope you do continue to build up your confidence, because you deserve a lot of happiness. :hug:
  10. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    yay! I'm so happy for you :) hope your relationship blooms and grows beautifully
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