On December 26th, my boyfriend of almost two years left me. His reasons are unclear but I am almost positive it’s because I’m so damn mentally ill. I was diagnosed with BPD back in July and since i’ve started DBT, things have gotten super hard. But through it all, my boyfriend assured me he’d stick with me through everything. He promised me he would never leave and he seemed so certain that we would get married one day.
Since he left, i’ve been a wreck. The abandonment issues suck enough but then there’s the hopelessness of ever meeting someone who I loved and clicked with as much as him or who seemed to love me like my ex loved me. I know I’m a lot to handle but I thought I was getting better. I guess I wasn’t getting better fast enough.
I’m not worried about other people loving me, I’m worried about meeting someone I clicked with and felt as comfortable around as my ex. This is hard and it’s made me question whether or not I have the strength to continue living or not. Everything is just so exhausting and I’m just so emotional and it HURTS. I want to end the pain or lessen it to some degree.
Since he left, i’ve been a wreck. The abandonment issues suck enough but then there’s the hopelessness of ever meeting someone who I loved and clicked with as much as him or who seemed to love me like my ex loved me. I know I’m a lot to handle but I thought I was getting better. I guess I wasn’t getting better fast enough.
I’m not worried about other people loving me, I’m worried about meeting someone I clicked with and felt as comfortable around as my ex. This is hard and it’s made me question whether or not I have the strength to continue living or not. Everything is just so exhausting and I’m just so emotional and it HURTS. I want to end the pain or lessen it to some degree.
