25+ years down the drain


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Parents finally found out about my depression and suicide attempts, the I have been hiding for the past 25+ years. How? By looking at a confidential psychologist report, that i did know they where given in envelope from my doctor. The Story:

Ok, so monday I lost a piece of paper that had a phone number and address I needed. Now I didn't realize this till Wednesday. So parents where seeing the same doctors and the doctor was going to give them the address and phone number. All cool. No issues there. They see the doctor Thursday. Doctor gives them the number and address and unbeknown to me also gives them an envelope which has the address and phone number I need, but also a psychologist report plus other info. 5 A4 pages. Now parents decided to check if the address and number is in the envelope, which is fair enough. Now the A4 is folded in half and you can see the top half of each page, which contains my doctors info and the other doctors, psychologist info, the rest of the page you can''t see unless you look. You can see where I am going can't you.

So you can easily see that the address and number I need is there. Don't need to look at anything else.

You guessed it, they decide to read all 5 pages, highly confidential stuff about me which include suicide attempts.

First thing is first confidentiality is everything to me, it was drummed into me in childcare when i worked in it for 10 years, before someone found a way how to get rid of me (A whole story in my members diary that i wrote about last year.)

And you couldn't accidentally read 5 pages or even glanced at the details especially the suicide attempt details with out unfolding all 5 pages and these where the last 2 pages and the address and phone number I needed was on page 3.

So 25+ years of hiding suicide attempts, the depression from my parents vanish in a second, because of all the stupidity they even talk to me about it, at least if you going to fucking read about it, don't mention it in front of me.

If I wanted them to know well I would have told them. I am so fucking angry. And they damn well know they shouldn't have read any of it, I have no fucking idea what they where thinking, oh you love me etc, well fuck me, then don't fucking tell me, what did you except how to react?, Do you think i was going to be happy you read something that I have been hiding from you for 25 +years.

So mad, at the moment i have disowned them, I'm too old for this shit, 45 next year, still here for some unknown reason, hopefully that will be fixed very soon.

If they loved me, they would either not even tried to read and respect my privacy or just keep it a secret between themselves.
Sorry that your privacy has been violated in this way.

I haven't checked your previous threads, but I'm guess your relationship with them wasn't that good even before this happened


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No to be honest, it is the opposite, i couldn't ask for better parents, well i could now. We are/where very close, i would visit them at least once a week or they visit me.


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Yikes. I think it's the doctors fault. Do you think your parents suspected anything beforehand? You're lucky to have a loving relationship with them and that they even care about you enough to read it. I understand that you're mad. They'd probably be crushed if you stopped talking to them.


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I understand that you're quite angry. What did they say when you approached them about this?


Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
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It sucks when something like this happens. But yet in the last 25 years they have not even suspected? Not even once? I dont share alot of things with mine but would be livid myself if they breached that boundary.

Maybe see this as a misstep and explain to them rationally that there are alot of things they are not privy to and this was one of them and it is not to be brought up again? Disowning them might be ok in your POV. You are entiled to feel that way. What about next week? Next month? Will you still feel this way?


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I understand that you're quite angry. What did they say when you approached them about this?
They basically said, they didn't mean to. You can't accidentally unfold 5 pieces of A4 paper and read it all, and they also said it is what it is, can't do anything about it now. And they also said they wouldn't share it with anyone. Yet i spoke to mum yesterday, and she says: oh the depression must be genetic, because everyone on my dads side has had depression. Now the only way he would know that would be talking to his brother who is the only one that keeps in touch with the rest of his family, as dad hasn't spoken to any of his family for past 20 odd years except for his brother.

And once again they prove why I never told them. Already trying to meddle in it, i know they are trying to help, if I wanted there help i would have asked for it.

They never knew anything about the suicide attempts or even the thinking about it. They might have thought i was depressed at some times in my life, but not constantly. Like everyone, we all have had bad times that has sent us into some sort of depression.

I was always very careful in what i say, to parents, i always say "Everything is an Illusion", when you do it long enough you can mask the real you easily. And luckily they think the last attempt was years ago, as I never said the date of my recent attempts dates to the psychologist or the reasons for the life long depression. I don't trust anyone, never have, never will, so i never tell psychologist the recent stuff, as that can get you into all sorts of unwanted situations.

What happens with them and me in the future is unknown, assuming i am still around. They know to keep there distance from me at the moment, well in person and only contact me through a chat program and they have only done it once and that was yesterday.

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