A Bit of a Rant and Need A Kick in the A**

[Magalee]

View attachment 1697 (His face = My face)

( from the movie A Miracle on 34th Street)

KRIS: Oh, it's not just Doris. There's Mr. Sawyer. He's contemptible, dishonest, selfish, deceitful, vicious... Yet he's out there and I'm in here. He's called normal and I'm not. Well, if that's normal, I don't want it. That's why I answered incorrectly.

If you aren't familiar with the movie, Kris Kringle's been admitted to Bellevue for intentionally failing a mental examination. In this excerpt, he's explaining to Fred Gaily why he did it. Mr. Sawyer (who looks like Hitler) provokes Kris to violence, tricks Kris to get him to Bellevue, then lies to Kris, saying it was all the idea of Kris' friend, Doris.

Sounds a lot like my former coworkers.

Yesterday, I had to explain to an occupational therapist why I quit a well-paying job in an area with few. Like Kris Kringle, I let someone else's evil behavior lead me to do something that wasn't in my best interests.

Talking about how I was treated unfairly; the regret that I couldn't tolerate the abusive, unfair, two-faced, back stabbing coworkers until I found another job; the fear that I'll never get another job now because I have this unreasonable anxiety I'll end up in the same position---working with abusive, unfair, two-faced, back stabbing coworkers, well......just talking about it upsets me all over again.

I know the only choice is acceptance of the fact that life's not fair, let it go and move on with my life.......Or die.

My depression likes to tell me there is no happy ending here. That I'll never have a well paying job again, that I'll never even work again, that I'll be sad and unemployed-all because of some contemptible, dishonest, selfish, deceitful, vicious people who I've been trying to forgive for three months now.

Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. Thank you for reading.

Sent from my iPhone

 

[AmboySlim]

Sorry to hear about all this. I don't have a lot of experiences with jobs except for that time I was employed at McDonald's for a day. But my dad has been in a very similar situation. He actually ended up assaulting his coworker though. Now he's in a different job and he's generally happy. At the time though he was scared to the bone because he had a 1 year old and a pregnant wife (pregnant with me: the best one). He cried himself to sleep and didn't think he was safe in any workplace.

What I think I'm saying (gosh I don't think this is helpful but I'm carrying on anyway) is that at the time, he was crushed because he lost the job and was worried that the next job he went into might have the same type of people who push his buttons. But after he got crushed, he had himself be built back up again and move on with his life. One day at a time.

Anyway Magalee I hope you feel better soon

 

[may71]

Since you had a well paying job recently, it sounds like your prospects for getting another job are actually pretty good.

Hopefully the therapist will help you to find a work environment that is more conducive to your well being.

You're just starting the process, better things may come soon

 

[Fizzipocus]

The possibility of rewarding, gainful employment in your future may be more likely than you think, Magalee.

Our depression speaks to us on its own terms. Seldom does it portray a scenario that isn't of the "worst-case" variety. However, do your best in this trying time to remember yourself - and hear what your heart is telling you instead. To me at least, the advantages you possess are many, apparent and favorable.

You have insight and experience on your side. I mean this not only in the vocational sense, but also as it pertains to your recent woes. Having been through what you've been through, you now occupy a better vantage point to identify - and manage - a similar situation should one befall you in the future. Which it very well may not. But take comfort in the fact that you're all the stronger for it. Take that strength - and with it, temper your anxiety.

Your heart is in the right place - and it's a big heart. A wise heart. A heart willing to forgive your former coworkers - despite their senseless transgressions. You've blatantly shown yourself to be the better person, and there's an irrefutable good in that. Sadly, yes - life can be unfair. To that end, letting go is fine - provided it's in the spirit of moving forward, only and always. Give in to the shadows, and you'll achieve nothing - apart from an acquiescence to your coworkers reprehensible behavior. Let success be your justice.

You're clearly a woman of intelligence. I know the hardship of unemployment. It's a trial. Still, we do what we must, which often involves more than a few hard decisions. But you had the wisdom to advocate for yourself in the moment it was needed. It was a damaging place to be in - and you rightfully freed yourself from it, consequences be damned. Your actions speak of courage and self-care. Therefore, it's pointless to harbor such regret. It's not that you couldn't tolerate it - it's that you shouldn't have had to in the first place. The circumstances may currently appear less-than-ideal, but know you have an acuity that will see you prevail.

Take time. Find focus. Explore options. Seek help where you can. Reach out when you must. Your peace may not come easy - or even at first - but it will come.

Sending you all my support, Magalee. Be well and be safe.

 

[Magalee]

At the time though he was scared to the bone because he had a 1 year old and a pregnant wife (pregnant with me: the best one).

What I think I'm saying (gosh I don't think this is helpful but I'm carrying on anyway)

Lol this made me laugh! You're sweet. And helpful!

he lost the job and was worried that the next job he went into might have the same type of people who push his buttons. But after he got crushed, he had himself be built back up again and move on with his life. One day at a time.

Thank you for the story about your dad. It's always good to realize others have been in similar situation, and are fine now.

 

[Magalee]

Hopefully the therapist will help you to find a work environment that is more conducive to your well being.

Hi may71, thanks for responding, I hope so too. I'm very curious what the treatment plan will entail! I imagine them putting me in stressful make believe scenarios, but I have no idea.

 

[Magalee]

Our depression speaks to us on its own terms. Seldom does it portray a scenario that isn't of the "worst-case" variety.

Hi Fizzipocus. This is so true for me. I always go straight to the worst-case.

Having been through what you've been through, you now occupy a better vantage point to identify - and manage - a similar situation should one befall you in the future. Which it very well may not. But take comfort in the fact that you're all the stronger for it. Take that strength - and with it, temper your anxiety.

I don't feel strong, but when you say temper the anxiety with the strength, it gives me a different perspective on the situation. That helps, thank you.

I'm not sure I deserve all the other nice things you said, but thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

 

[may71]

Hi may71, thanks for responding, I hope so too. I'm very curious what the treatment plan will entail! I imagine them putting me in stressful make believe scenarios, but I have no idea.

I think one of the standard things they do is test your abilities in certain job-related areas, then ask you questions about how certain job descriptions sound to you. Then they try to match up the two.

The abilities testing element seems like the most reliable part to me. You can't really tell what a job is like from hearing its description. They might ask you how you appealing you find certain descriptions, like "arranging flowers, assessing an insurance claim, making a work of art, writing a computer program", but I don't think how you answer those questions is necessarily that meaningful. You really have to try doing a job to know what it's like.

If you want to stay in your field, it would simplify the process, but I don't know if you want that.

 

[Magalee]

I think one of the standard things they do is test your abilities in certain job-related areas, then ask you questions about how certain job descriptions sound to you. Then they try to match up the two.

The abilities testing element seems like the most reliable part to me. You can't really tell what a job is like from hearing its description. They might ask you how you appealing you find certain descriptions, like "arranging flowers, assessing an insurance claim, making a work of art, writing a computer program", but I don't think how you answer those questions is necessarily that meaningful. You really have to try doing a job to know what it's like.

If you want to stay in your field, it would simplify the process, but I don't know if you want that.

I'm trying to figure that out. If I do stay, I will definitely be in an office setting again, so if I can overcome my fear of that.....

 

[DrownedFishOnFire]

Yeah been in that shoe with crappy backstabbing coworkers. Situation is kind of improving somewhat. Hope you're going to start feeling more confident in your decisions on what direction to move forward and whatever happens it'll be ok at the end of the day as they don't go home with you

 

[may71]

Office settings can be fine, it really depends on who you have to work with and the kind of culture

 

[Magalee]

When I interviewed for that job I couldn't tell it was a bad culture. Well maybe I just didn't know what to look for then.