Hi Ritsu, when you joined, i just happened to be in chat, we talked of your MS, we talked of your losses too.
As i told you, it has been twenty years since my ex wifes mother was diagnosed, she still leads a rich and fulfilling life, today.
You are young, 25 if i remember correctly, stage 2 does not just end things overnight.
Yes, it will take work and change to adjust, but only with intention will this occur.
I think, its your loss that has driven you to despair and again, from what you told me, it was very recent.
There is no time limit on bereavement, we all different, in fact for some of us, life is one living bereavement i believe.
Some losses you never get over, but we CAN deal with them, if we choose to.
I do not think she would wish you to join her, if you loved each other as much as you told me, then im sure she would want you to live, to be whole and to love and love again.
Sometimes love is letting go, shit, its so hard, but when you do, you can start to love yourself again.
I dont mean wiping memories here, i mean letting her go and loving yourself for it.
I hope you stay safe, you do not have a death sentence, you are your own judge here, please show mercy to yourself.
Regards and hope for you.