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Practical Advice Advice needed

#1
I prepared to commit suicide about a year ago. my attempt was discovered, but my parents didn't realize it at first. they thought I was abusing substances of some kind. the next few days were absolutely miserable but I got over it. Im still depressed but I hide it from my family. My sister attempted suicide yesterday and when my dad found out he started crying. this lead to my attempt being brought up again and lead to some uncomfortable conversations. I lied about being happy and not depressed and said whatever I could to get out of it. despite accusing me of substance abuse when I made my attempt, my father made a huge deal about my sister and like I said, started crying. Ive always thought that he favored my sister but never in this big of a way. Ive been miserable these past few days and avoided extended periods of time with my parents to avoid uncomfortable conversations. this situation has just made my hidden depression worse and I have been having suicidal thoughts again. How should I deal with it and/or what action should I take if any? please keep in mind that my parents are fairly clueless about mental health and haven't realized that Im depressed, despite some signs that I thought were obvious in hindsight. I also want to avoid uncomfortable conversations as much as possible. my relationship with my mother is strained due ADHD related reasons that are my fault.
 
#2
Sorry that you're going through this.

my relationship with my mother is strained due ADHD related reasons that are my fault.
You're welcome to say more about this if you'd like to
How should I deal with it and/or what action should I take if any?
It certainly sounds like talking to your family about this would be a challenge. The most important thing seems to be staying safe and addressing the reasons why you're suicidal. The links in my signature have some information about treatment methods.

Here's a copy of the link in case you're on a phone

Treating Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, Pain; Other Suicide Help

You may want to try making a safety plan. There's more info about making a safety plan here
https://www.suicideforum.com/community/threads/read-this-first-safety-forum.134852/

What's your relationship like with your sister? It might be easier to talk to her about being suicidal than your parents. You might want to try giving a copy of the safety plan template to her, and possibly tell her about SF.

Maybe you'll be able to talk to your parents eventually.
 
#4
You're welcome to say more about this if you'd like to
my parents are very very big about education, test scores, grades and the like. one of my biggest problems with ADHD is that its coupled with ridiculous amounts of procrastination and laziness on my part. Ive been basically a straight A student until last year when my grades took a nosedive(probably because of my depression). now Im constantly having arguments and fights with my parents. its led to our relationships be very strained.
What's your relationship like with your sister? It might be easier to talk to her about being suicidal than your parents.
I am on pretty good terms with her and I think she knows I'm depressed. not sure if she knows im suicidal. the reason I dont really want to talk to her is my parents reaction to her suicide attempt was in both of our opinions an overreaction. she now has to sleep in the same room as my mother and is not allowed near any knives. while I can see the reasoning, she can't even cut an apple by herself. I am afraid that she will tell my parents and I think that would just make it worse.
 

Legate Lanius

Well-Known Member
#5
You're 13, all of this is on your parents. No need for the guilt, we're all rooting for you on SF. You should tell your parents about everything if they're not abusive or something, they might be able to get you some help for the depression. Otherwise, remember to stay busy and become a pro at killing time, that's my advice.
 

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#6
Hey there
I'm sorry that all of this is going on with your parents and sister. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment. You really could use someone to talk with. I get that you don't feel like that should be your parents but how about someone else -- a friends parents that you trust, an aunt or uncle or some other trusted adult? No one here wants you to hurt yourself. You're young and you have a long way to go in this life. There is MUCH more than school and grades and parents and shit, you know? You gotta hang in there and wait this out.
 
#7
now Im constantly having arguments and fights with my parents. its led to our relationships be very strained.
I guess on some level most parents have a desire for their children to do well in school, but if they are taking to the level or arguing and fighting, especially if they know you've been suicidal before, they are pushing it too far.

Do you feel like things would be better if you were in a different environment?
 
#8
Update: Its been a few weeks now and things have gotten better and worse. im felling less depressed now, but I can feel myself slipping again. I got the incredible grade of a D in my english class, which im almost certain is going to be horrible once my parents find out. while im writing this my sister and mother are arguing, since we learned that our parents invaded her privacy and read a private conversation(not at all the first time) which isnt normally a big deal, but it was one they explicitly promised not to read. I got involved and withdrew but not before my mom claimed that our problems were of our on making, and exist because of our inflexibility and laziness. my father and I are having daily arguments over the smallest things. Ive lied a lot recently to get out of difficult conversations, but im afraid everything is going to come crashing down soon. thats basically cut me off from my semi-therapist(she isnt qualified but im more comfortable with her than my former therapist), she is also helping me with my ADHD management, but thats lead to me keeping secrets. Ive long since(maybe last year) given up on making my parents understand my problems, but its to the point that ive realized they will never ever understand. they have supposedly read and followed plans in multiple books, but they only implement parts they like, and from what theyve said they clearly didnt even attempt to understand them. I have no idea what to do at this point, im typing this at midnight on a laptop, since my normal desktop is now being monitered with a video camera. Ive even had to switch to a nearby public wifi, since my dad added a network traffic logger to our home wifi to moniter everything we do. I can feel myself getting depressed again but I dont know how to stop it.
 
#9
I guess on some level most parents have a desire for their children to do well in school, but if they are taking to the level or arguing and fighting, especially if they know you've been suicidal before, they are pushing it too far.

Do you feel like things would be better if you were in a different environment?
I have no idea, my parents have suggested boarding school but never in a good way. it was said as like "ill send you to boarding school so you stop making my life miserable"
 
#10
You're 13, all of this is on your parents. No need for the guilt, we're all rooting for you on SF. You should tell your parents about everything if they're not abusive or something, they might be able to get you some help for the depression. Otherwise, remember to stay busy and become a pro at killing time, that's my advice.
ive gotten better at killing time but it gets most difficult when I need it, since when we argue i get my books and electronics and whatever other forms of entertainment taken away. they are really physically abusive, just the occasional slap and whatnot, but i cant really trust that since when we were younger the most common form of punishment was getting hit with the handle of a plastic flyswatter. my sister has even had an entire plate smashed on her head. physically im not to scared, but emotionally is another story. they are the kind of people who when you come to them about your problems, they star guilt tripping you and saying about what youve done to their life.
 
#11
It might be easier to talk to her about being suicidal than your parents. You might want to try giving a copy of the safety plan template to her, and possibly tell her about SF.
im far to afraid of that(telling her about sf), if my parents caught wind of it i wouldnt be able to step near a computer unmonitered,
 
#12
Update: Its been a few weeks now and things have gotten better and worse. im felling less depressed now, but I can feel myself slipping again. I got the incredible grade of a D in my english class, which im almost certain is going to be horrible once my parents find out. while im writing this my sister and mother are arguing, since we learned that our parents invaded her privacy and read a private conversation(not at all the first time) which isnt normally a big deal, but it was one they explicitly promised not to read. I got involved and withdrew but not before my mom claimed that our problems were of our on making, and exist because of our inflexibility and laziness. my father and I are having daily arguments over the smallest things. Ive lied a lot recently to get out of difficult conversations, but im afraid everything is going to come crashing down soon. thats basically cut me off from my semi-therapist(she isnt qualified but im more comfortable with her than my former therapist), she is also helping me with my ADHD management, but thats lead to me keeping secrets. Ive long since(maybe last year) given up on making my parents understand my problems, but its to the point that ive realized they will never ever understand. they have supposedly read and followed plans in multiple books, but they only implement parts they like, and from what theyve said they clearly didnt even attempt to understand them. I have no idea what to do at this point, im typing this at midnight on a laptop, since my normal desktop is now being monitered with a video camera. Ive even had to switch to a nearby public wifi, since my dad added a network traffic logger to our home wifi to moniter everything we do. I can feel myself getting depressed again but I dont know how to stop it.
Im also sorry I havent responded in a while, it took me a while to be able to use this unmonitered. Thanks for all your support guys!
 
#13
Im also sorry I havent responded in a while, it took me a while to be able to use this unmonitered.
That's ok.
Thanks for all your support guys!
You're welcome! :)
they are really physically abusive, just the occasional slap and whatnot, but i cant really trust that since when we were younger the most common form of punishment was getting hit with the handle of a plastic flyswatter. my sister has even had an entire plate smashed on her head.
If you are in the US or Canada, you might want to try contacting the National Child Abuse Hotline.

National Child Abuse Hotline

www.childhelp.org is the webiste of the National Child Abuse Hotline. Their phone number is 1-800-4-ACHILD. Serving the U.S. and Canada, the hotline is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with professional crisis counselors
I have no idea, my parents have suggested boarding school but never in a good way. it was said as like "ill send you to boarding school so you stop making my life miserable"
I think there are therapeutic boarding highschools out there. It's probably worth investigating what a school might be like, but if you find a school that could be a good fit, you might be able to talk your parents into sending you there. Like maybe they'd let you go if there was a big improvement in your grades.

Because your parents are so volatile, knowing how they work psychologically maybe very helpful in making a strategy.
 
#14
If you are in the US or Canada, you might want to try contacting the National Child Abuse Hotline.

National Child Abuse Hotline

www.childhelp.org is the webiste of the National Child Abuse Hotline. Their phone number is 1-800-4-ACHILD. Serving the U.S. and Canada, the hotline is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with professional crisis counselors
that was a hell of a typo, I meant aren't!
 
#15
that was a hell of a typo, I meant aren't!
Even though you meant that they aren't really abusive, they've engaged in some level of violence, and also some other abusive behaviors. It would still be ok to talk to the National Child Abuse Hotline if you felt like it.
 

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