alone

[Windhover]

Alone in the midst of a city is something I'm finding stranger and harder than alone in the much less densely crowded places where I used to live. There, alone felt natural and it went along with creativity. Non-stop traffic hiss and middle of the night sirens are not getting any easier to ignore.

 

[Windhover]

Alone in this ongoing effort (I will now always shy away from the word 'journey') It is starting to seem like the only logical next step from being a bit of flotsam repeating myself ad nauseum here is to disappear and embrace some sort of spiritual life. Which isn't necessarily applicable because I already have a spiritual life. My apologies for all the self-centered chatter.

 

[Congratsbaby]

Alone in this ongoing effort (I will now always shy away from the word 'journey') It is starting to seem like the only logical next step from being a bit of flotsam repeating myself ad nauseum here is to disappear and embrace some sort of spiritual life. Which isn't necessarily applicable because I already have a spiritual life. My apologies for all the self-centered chatter.

It's not self centred. I am sorry for all the pain you're going through . I don't fully get the reason why this might be because I haven't read enough of your threads but I just wish you well and I hope things get better for you. Please take care

 

[may71]

No apologies needed. This is what SF is for.

Hugs

 

[Windhover]

Thank you for the hugs @may71. They always help. Hugs back to you. Hope you are doing well as can be.

 

[Windhover]

Alone running on the roads and through neighborhoods, I struggle. Sometimes I cry and it's hard to see where I'm stepping. I use my shirt to wipe my face. Maybe it looks like I'm just really sweaty and that's okay. After a cry, my breathing gets steadier again and my pace smooths out. I'm one tiny human moving around as best I can.

 

[may71]

Sometimes I cry and it's hard to see where I'm stepping

I'm sorry it's like that, it sounds awful.

More hugs

 

[Windhover]

I'm sorry it's like that, it sounds awful.

Yes, it feels pretty bad. Therapist said that since I haven't cried in years it's good to start to let it out.

hugs back

 

[may71]

Therapist said that since I haven't cried in years it's good to start to let it out.

The crying part is good, it's having the reasons to cry that's sad.

 

[Windhover]

Alone, a person can allow grief and sorrow to have their space, and then sometimes putting music on and doing a workout clears it all out.

 

[Windhover]

Alone in the softer space at the end of daylight I run through streets and alleys, past houses and trees and fences, and for a few minutes I forget shame, loss, humiliation, grief, and how much my heart hurts.

 

[AmberMarie]

Alone in the softer space at the end of daylight I run through streets and alleys, past houses and trees and fences, and for a few minutes I forget shame, loss, humiliation, grief, and how much my heart hurts.

It sounds like it was a beautiful bit of time. Often times that type of alone is good to have and experience. 🫂

 

[Congratsbaby]

It sounds like it was a beautiful bit of time. Often times that type of alone is good to have and experience. 🫂

Agreed

 

[may71]

Hugs Seabird

 

[Windhover]

Hugs always help, thank you

Hugs back if they're wanted @may71

 

[Windhover]

I can see how others are worthy of life byt not my self, I have to admit I'm a wreck.

 

[may71]

I think you're really an exceptionally worthy person who is struggling a lot.

More hugs

 

[AvidFan]

I can see how others are worthy of life byt not my self, I have to admit I'm a wreck.

You are more worthy than many I have come across. I am glad you are in this life, but wish you had less sadness to carry with you.

 

[Inastorm]

@seabird

What is a worthy life?, what does that word mean to you 'worthy'?

 

[Windhover]

Alone in the city, no familiar faces or voice. For now I'm re-learning a little about letting go of expectations.