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My focus is is elsewhere at the moment, not on writing or poetry. However, it seems I'm simply talkative at heart, so end up posting here rather a lot. : )
I have read it and I liked it , you also just give off poet vibes so asked
s* (if you would like them)Thank You for sharing your views, your kindness and your caring heart with everyone.
My original thoughts referring to paralyzed- was about stopping my self. Becoming unable to engage or participate in life because of my fear.
I have had a couple times in my life that I was unable to leave the house unless I was going to somewhere known to me, and necessary (- like the grocery store). It would last several months to a couple years. I try to not let it happen. But it still happens on a smaller scale (weeks).
I also suffer from migraine & other types of headaches. I think anxiety, stress along with hereditary neurological abnormalities would shut me down too. Cluster headaches began by age 8. it wasn’t abnormal to not function For a week to 6 weeks at a time. Only getting up to go to hospital. I have a regimen that helps a lot. i have my emergency meds in my pocket 24/7.
I have had several years of left sided pain/numbness - but it wasn’t paralysed! haha - always like to end with a joke.
fear and “brainwashing“ that I am an embarrassment, that I’ll fail, that I will make things worse, etc. idk if that makes sense. Feeling emotional. I guess I am rambling. There are much worse things in life. i am fortunate. Sorry.
I have had a couple times in my life that I was unable to leave the house unless I was going to somewhere known to me, and necessary (- like the grocery store). It would last several months to a couple years. I try to not let it happen. But it still happens on a smaller scale (weeks).
I also suffer from migraine & other types of headaches. I think anxiety, stress along with hereditary neurological abnormalities would shut me down too. Cluster headaches began by age 8. it wasn’t abnormal to not function For a week to 6 weeks at a time. Only getting up to go to hospital. I have a regimen that helps a lot. i have my emergency meds in my pocket 24/7.
I have had several years of left sided pain/numbness - but it wasn’t paralysed! haha - always like to end with a joke.
fear and “brainwashing“ that I am an embarrassment, that I’ll fail, that I will make things worse, etc. idk if that makes sense. Feeling emotional. I guess I am rambling. There are much worse things in life. i am fortunate. Sorry.
I
I don't wanna give my unsolicited advice but I feel compelled to , I understand your feelings and emotions that derived you to compare your suffering with others. But just because others are suffering doesn't mean your suffering is not valid. Even if they are suffering worse than you , your pain is still pain , no ? Or does it grow flowers ?
I hope you won't compare your suffering to others , that's not very healthy. Actually ,that's not healthy.
You matter and part of that is to acknowledge that your feelings matter too , your pain matters .
Do I sound like a dick ? You can let me know , i don't like unsolicited advices. So like I didn't wanna give it but I feel.. maybe it will be nice for you.
If you wouldn't want unsolicited advice or if you felt invalidated , your feelings and thoughts and you would want me to not do it again , you can let me know and I will keep it in mind and not do it again.
I don't wanna give my unsolicited advice but I feel compelled to , I understand your feelings and emotions that derived you to compare your suffering with others. But just because others are suffering doesn't mean your suffering is not valid. Even if they are suffering worse than you , your pain is still pain , no ? Or does it grow flowers ?
I hope you won't compare your suffering to others , that's not very healthy. Actually ,that's not healthy.
You matter and part of that is to acknowledge that your feelings matter too , your pain matters .
Do I sound like a dick ? You can let me know , i don't like unsolicited advices. So like I didn't wanna give it but I feel.. maybe it will be nice for you.
If you wouldn't want unsolicited advice or if you felt invalidated , your feelings and thoughts and you would want me to not do it again , you can let me know and I will keep it in mind and not do it again.
This is deeply kind thing to say, especially after reading your post. (h) if it helps
This got long, sorry, but wanted to respond @FlamingoWrangler
This got long, sorry, but wanted to respond @FlamingoWrangler
I think you experienced the same sort of paralysis as you described it as me, but much more intensely or further along a spectrum. I'm sad it's kept you inside at times. I hope you felt safe at home. No need to apologize. It's because you have shared that I can learn more about myself as well, and get more healing. Thank you. I'm sad to read you get migraines and headaches, I know it's agony and takes a person days to feel better. I have had migraines in the past. Luckily I found out that for me they're caused by certain foods, which I stopped eating. For years now am 99% migraine free.
I feel and experience emotions strongly too. After growing up and getting away from certain people, I thought all would be well. It wasn't, I found out parts of me were hidden in fear, like you described. It was family of origin and abuse causing hard knots. I've tried to undo them over the years. I have worked to get myself to forgive myself for stuff that wasn't my fault, and to accept the destruction I experienced. ... Instead of using other people's and society's narrow, simplistic expectations, I'm mindful to claim that who I am and what I am made of has validity and rightness. I am still wrecked and healing, and it takes mindfulness and my exercise routine too. There is always awareness of a yardstick against which one is judged, disparaged, and found wanting. But it's a false reality which harms so many people.
I think it was the pain from that which pushed me at a young age to be an artist, (after being informed by my dad and his friends that girls cannot become architects). I give this as an example not for sympathy but to show it's abusive what society - and that includes parents - heap onto each other. I believe and find almost all people intersting, strong and beautiful in some way. That's not hyperbole, it's how my mind sees the world.
I feel and experience emotions strongly too. After growing up and getting away from certain people, I thought all would be well. It wasn't, I found out parts of me were hidden in fear, like you described. It was family of origin and abuse causing hard knots. I've tried to undo them over the years. I have worked to get myself to forgive myself for stuff that wasn't my fault, and to accept the destruction I experienced. ... Instead of using other people's and society's narrow, simplistic expectations, I'm mindful to claim that who I am and what I am made of has validity and rightness. I am still wrecked and healing, and it takes mindfulness and my exercise routine too. There is always awareness of a yardstick against which one is judged, disparaged, and found wanting. But it's a false reality which harms so many people.
I think it was the pain from that which pushed me at a young age to be an artist, (after being informed by my dad and his friends that girls cannot become architects). I give this as an example not for sympathy but to show it's abusive what society - and that includes parents - heap onto each other. I believe and find almost all people intersting, strong and beautiful in some way. That's not hyperbole, it's how my mind sees the world.
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You are very kind @Congratsbaby. I appreciate your perspective and appreciate the time you took to read & respond.
I understand my wrong thinking is wrong. It’s a warped protective mechanism. I appreciate the reminder of reality. Helps me feel less broken.
Again, thanks for your kindness.
🦩🦩🦩
I understand my wrong thinking is wrong. It’s a warped protective mechanism. I appreciate the reminder of reality. Helps me feel less broken.
Again, thanks for your kindness.
🦩🦩🦩
@seabird, I am truly glad my perspective can help as you work to heal.
Oddly, being home wasn’t always a safe space. Just less bad. (That sounds horrible 🤪.). I think as we are feel locked into an unhappy era, the fantasy of better days ahead keeps our hope alive. We hope life will be easier, pleasant & happy. Unfortunately, we lack experience in making it happen When we get a chance.
What makes you happy? Sound like an easy question to answer. Not always. Your moments of joy & contentment are learned through trial & error. Keep trying, you will figure it out Little by little.
Society has many dumb beliefs. But most cultures grow and learn. The architecture of your art is a symbol of your strength. It’s a special part of you. A gift you give from within.
We all benefit from being heard. Everyone has a story. I believe there is good everywhere. I just didn’t realize it could be hidden within A Shit-storm! 💩💩
Thanks for being you.
🦩🦩🦩🦩
Oddly, being home wasn’t always a safe space. Just less bad. (That sounds horrible 🤪.). I think as we are feel locked into an unhappy era, the fantasy of better days ahead keeps our hope alive. We hope life will be easier, pleasant & happy. Unfortunately, we lack experience in making it happen When we get a chance.
What makes you happy? Sound like an easy question to answer. Not always. Your moments of joy & contentment are learned through trial & error. Keep trying, you will figure it out Little by little.
Society has many dumb beliefs. But most cultures grow and learn. The architecture of your art is a symbol of your strength. It’s a special part of you. A gift you give from within.
We all benefit from being heard. Everyone has a story. I believe there is good everywhere. I just didn’t realize it could be hidden within A Shit-storm! 💩💩
Thanks for being you.
🦩🦩🦩🦩
Several things you said hold true for me as well @FlamingoWrangler.
And you gave me some lols. Thank you.
(h)
And you gave me some lols. Thank you.
(h)
Loneliness is the regular state of our human existence. I like it - nobody here to interfere. Contact is enough on the street or in the gym etc. -> small discussions, hello etc. Nothing else. Its a big advantage, to be in a foreign country without family etc. Nature calls, walking a lot, music, reading... what else is needed? I am free as a bird!
Nice storm came today. I don't know if I'm the only one to feel this way, but if anyone else who's experienced trauma understands it'd be good to know. I've come to realise aver the last couple of years that being hurt to the point of damage is not what kills your spirit. It's not recognizing yourself anymore, not knowing where all the missing pieces used to belong. There's an unfamiliar burden also which is the pain and dismay from the inability to predict which word, or small interaction or challenge will be a trigger.
