Hey there Masked.
I wear a mask myself. I've worn it so much I often wonder who I really am..and then I come out, in the smallest of ways, I see something funny and I laugh, I do something stupid and poke a bit of fun at myself. I don't understand how, but I still manage to laugh every day, at least a bit, even when I've walked through my whole detailed plan over and over in my head before somehow getting out of bed. What I realize is that there is something, way down deep, buried in the mess, that I feel is worth saving.
Can you tell us more about your situation? Forgive me if it's been posted elsewhere, I'm new to SF. How old are you? When was the last time you felt good, or even just normal? Is this your first major depressive episode, or have you dipped through the muck and trudged up out of it before?
I'm trying to jump on the day by day train myself, and you know what...today was good because I made it good. (Even though those ghoulish gears were still grinding in my head.)