anxiety working in a group but trying hard to make it

[blueskyx]

hi, here I am again asking for life advice...

I have bad experience with feeling uncomfortable working in a group for one project. Once, I was in a theatre group as one of the choir, and somehow I got into certain awkward situation and couldn’t really talk with anyone in the group. I got anxiety from that, and because I was too anxious to contribute people have been telling me I should contribute more. But how can I, when I was feeling lost on what to do!? I know they talked behind my back for not being able to speak up enough. I overheard them. I felt anxiety between interacting with people there and not contributing enough, that I made rash decision to quit last minute. I received backlash for quitting last minute because I felt anxiety knowing I wouldn’t get along with anyone during after party while everyone else are havingfun (even though they’re doing fine without me, they just couldn’t bear to see someone quitting all of sudden). I had to cut off my contacts with people involved in the theatre group afterwards.

I know I have issues with working in a committee group after this incident. But that doesn’t mean I want to stop working in a committee. I may be socially awkward and introvert, but I enjoy knowing more people and working with them.

So now that I’m in university, I joined some societies as committee. I joined this newsletter club thing as committee. All was well, I actually got along with everyone and everyone was super friendly to me unlike before. Until one incident where one of the committee called me out in group meeting saying my writing is bad that I couldn’t do any work at all, even though she never said that directly in front of me. Of course, I worked hard afterwards in order to show her I can do it, but... she never appreciate all the work I do. I did tell her if something is wrong with my writing, just tell me directly. But she still treat me like this. It makes me anxious. I can’t contribute more to committee work because I feel useless all of sudden. Every other members favor her and fail to see how she treat me. So even when they’re friendly with me... I feel like they might talk behind my back, thought I’m useless just like the incident in theatre group. I want to quit. I can’t do any more works because I feel anxious enough that it disturbs the flow of my everyday life. But I don’t want to cut contact with everyone else. I don’t want the same thing happening again like before. I actually like them. Despite me thinking they might talk behind my back... I do like them for their friendliness, and they never feel superficial unlike the time when I was in theatre group.

I’m also in another club, also as one of the committees (this time in committee that organize one big event). As I said before, it’s because I actually love doing work with everyone despite my social awkwardness. But because of the newsletter club that happened to me, I feel really anxious and I feel like I didn’t contribute much work.

I don’t know.

I just have this feeling that everyone doesn’t like me, I’m unable to do my work, even when I do I’m never appreciated, people wish I quit and when I quit I would receive backlash.
I just have that feeling... It’s probably not true, but I got anxiety from it.

All I want is to be able to do committee work, work towards a project with everyone and have fun. Why does my anxiety always get in my way? Just when I thought I conquer this anxiety... it came back to me again. Something wrong will happen to me again in the group, I end up not doing my work again. Maybe I shouldn’t ever be in a group again.

I don’t know.

Sorry for the loooong paragraphs. I just need some advice how to conquer my anxiety so that this wouldn’t happen again in the future...

 

[Organicmaplesyurp]

Hey there,

I've had a couple of experiences like this at some of my previous jobs. One time, I was placed on the same level with a senior-level worker despite being younger than her. Because I had the knowledge that took her longer to gain, I really irked her, and she made me feel like everything I did was wrong.

Another time, I was the newest temp employee. Unfortunately, workplace was very cliquey amongst the elder employees, and the manger wanted nothing more than to make me feel like a complete loser who could do nothing right. Those were some of my worst days.

You know that person who keeps acting as if your work isn't good enough? It's because they feel threatened or jealous in some way, therefore instead of improving themselves or working out their own feelings, they are going to take it out on you. Unfortunately, you're always going to run into those types of people somewhere. The hard part is not taking it personally. It's not you, and I think deep down you know this, but sometimes it can feel like it is when someone keeps telling you so.

Keep pressing on and do what you love. I know it's hard, but some people just want to see you down.

You are stronger than them!

 

[may71]

Sorry that you are going through this

On some occasions, I tell people about my social anxiety, and then that seems to make me, and other people, feel a lot better. This seems to work if there's basically some good will there, and there's just a lack of understanding.

If you're getting bullied by someone though, either staying away from them/quitting any involvement, or standing up to them sounds like a better option