bad day

[geordie_angel_sad_eyes]

i am fed up, im done. i am always miserable, upset or filled with rage that i take out on myself. i wandered the streets today, i didnt know where i was going or what i was going to do i just kept having images of edit <Moderator Method total eclipse> and going to sleep and never waking up. i have been on two different meds now and seen psyciatrists and crisis workers and started counselling this week and nothing is working. i cant control the thoughts in my head, its spinning all the time. ive tried distracting myself but no matter what i do i cant. tying to do dishes i end up smashing them against walls. i dont know what to do please any advice will be tried. i feel like im going out of my mind even though i keep being told i am ok. its doing my head in im so confused. i cant go on like this i just cant i cant go back to hospital because they will refer me to a crisis team, ive already been referred to them twice and they think im a total loser. please help!

 

[GoldenPsych]

Give the counselling time. They are not miricle workers. But in time you may find that things improve.

what has happened with the crisis teams in the past?

 

[datguy]

i hear where you are and i wish i had answeres for you but i am seeking them to.. i am at a friends house now as i have smashed every piece of glass from coffee tables to cabinets then made splinters out of the wood left over.. i look at it now and say why but at the moment nothing matters but the pain the pain that takes my mind off everthing else. but in hind sight all i have now is swollen hands a mess and lost things that i worked hard for .. i try not to think of my self as crazy i am very respectful and a supervisor where i work but cant manage my life..
i tell you this to so you understand there are people struggling just like you and it doesnt make you crazy like you are thinking...
do you have a good friend that can take your mind of things for a few days so you can calm down focus and think of what you need to do to get help?? like i said i am at afriends now havent been home in a week.. i am am suppossed to be a tough as welding supervisor but i have been sitting here playing scrabble for the last week and believe it or not the thought involved to come up with the next word helps disolve the other thoughts in my head. that and positive company has helped me , no where near completly eliminating the thoughts but atleast i am not having panic attacks wanting to break shit or hurt myself...
i still need the proper help and to get back on my meds i thought i could go off cause i thought i could deal with my stress without it,,big mistake!
i hope you get the right support group around you cause we cant deal with stuff like this on our own and we dont deserve to have to ..it kills me that sites like this you can only give chat support cause i would like to be there infront of people like you to show that people out there do care and wish they could....give the medical help a try again you will find one you feel comfortable with,you cant do this on your own..
take care i hopeyou find the happiness you deserve..

 

[geordie_angel_sad_eyes]

ive been referred to them twice now through accident and emergency department, they come out for couple weeks to see me to check im ok basically then i have a review with A pysiciatrist and then i get discharged, i know they are only a short term intervention but once your discharged there is nothing at all no follow up or anything, your just left to go on you merry way. to be totally fair now im thinking logically i probably dont help matters as when they tell me to phone them if i need to i dont as when i feel bad and at my worse i dont want help i just want to go. if that makes sense. a couple of times i have been shouted at and told im not helping myself when i feel i am trying hard when they first came out i never dressed washed did my hair nothing (i know it sounds gross) but with their support i started to do small things so i did try to help myself. one shouted at me because i said i would not call myself an ambulance if my self harm went too far because again at the time i dont want help. its like im having a constant battle with myself, i just think the effort it takes me to do the simplest things is not worth it and i cant do it

 

[solutions]

You said you were on "two different meds". Does that mean all you've taken is one medication at a time, one after the other?

That really makes no sense. Quite a few people take combinations of meds, and the combination changes constantly over time to deal with the flux in symptoms. And two medications isn't much. For example, if you took an antidepressant like Zoloft, then tried another like Welbutrin, and neither worked, there's way more to choose from.

And, of course, there's always hospitalization. It's a safe place, and they'll prescribe medications and will ask you how you feel about them over time, whether they're making you feel any different or not. It's a much speedier process than outpatient psychiatry.

 

[geordie_angel_sad_eyes]

I was on sertraline for few month then was changed to mertazapine. They just keep saying im suffering due to a traumatic event and its counselling i need but whatever ill go along with whatever they say

 

[GoldenPsych]

I know what you mean about having the professionals frustrated with you. I have written about it numerous times on here and on my blog. They said to me that I ask for help in that I have approached them and asked to be referred to psychiatrist and I was. I go to the appointments and I have approached the counselling people and arranged counselling. The psychiatrist said to me I ask for help and I say I want it but when I need it most it's when I don't. I shy away from it. I am under crisis team and have been for the past 8 or so weeks. I was referred to them from Nurseman Mike in the psych medicine dept and they then crashed my psychiatrist appointment the next day. I was given their number but I wont call. I am like you. When I get bad, I don't want the help. The Pdoc has got really frustrated with me over it.

I have found Mirtazapine to be quite good. I am on the middle dose as I don't want the highest dose as of it increasing my appetite. But I use it as more of a sedative as it knocks me out at night and has helped my sleep so much. I hope you will have some positive effects with it soon.

xxxxx

 

[geordie_angel_sad_eyes]

hi they put me on 15mg to start off and for first few weeks my sleep was better and i was having side affects like dizziness so was positive about it but now my sleep is back to being poor and i have no side affects but dont feel better at all in fact sometimes feel worse, my gp did say he would probably increase dose once i got used to it but when i went last week he gave me pescrip for month but didnt mention increasing it, i dont know if i can ask him to increase it but hate the thought of having to pay for my pescription every month when its doing me no good. my counsellor has given me a thing for what to do if i need emergency help and said to go straight to a and e but really whats the point? if i went everytime i want to end it i would bloody live there. i have never suffered with depression my whole life until oct, but have grown up with parents suffering, i never saw it coming and would not wish it on my worst enemy. im giving this counselling buisness a go its my last option really im glad you are doing well on mertazapine